A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 2 years broke up with me few days back, he was very abusive during the last 1 yr. Im still under depression and i did all things like begging, sending him mails, calling him to take me back. He didnt repond to anything, i guess he moved on, but i couldnt.He owes me 20000$ thats my life savings, whih i gave him for his student loan. He is not responding to any type of communication, will i atleast get my money back.Pls help me
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 February 2013):
1) No you are not getting your money back.
2) Even if you have proof that he borrowed it, and win in court, he still will not pay you.
NEVER lend money to a friend or a family member without realizing that is likely the last you will ever see of it.
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Hi
Oh dear what a mess he left you in.Be thankful he's gone.
He sounds like some sort of con-man to be honest, wondering if he hasn't done this before to another woman/women, especially as he seems to have vanished. It may well be worth looking into.
Where did you meet him? Did you know him before you dated? Did you have mutual friends?
As the others have said he can deny you gave it to him without proof.So yes, see a lawyer and get some advice asap.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (19 February 2013):
 it doesn't sound very likely. you could try getting some evidence together that you loaned him the money and try taking some kind of legal action (I'm imagining something like judge judy as you are American!). He may try and make out it was a gift though.
never give anyone that much money, its asking for trouble! but it is only money and you are better off without him. your happiness is worth more than any money.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2013):
 I doubt you will be able to recover all of it... I'm not sure you can recover any.
the best thing you can do is get a consult with an attorney and see if you have any options to try to recover any of your funds.
RULE ONE: NEVER LEND MONEY that you can't afford to live without forever..... it normally becomes a gift to the person you "lent" it to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): Are you kidding me? You seriously asked that? No your not getting your money back. Andbif you want to get it back you'd need proof to take him to court that you Lend him money but expected it back. But honey why would you even lend that kindbof money to an ex that's a ridiculous move you did there. I wouldn't expect it back he can easily say you just gave it to him and win the case if there was ever to be one.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 My sympathy and best wishes to you .
In my country you would have to have proof that you gave him the money ( a signed receipt for cash , a cashed cheque ) AND a written document aknowledging it is actually a loan and he is indebted to you for X amount.
I don't know the laws in USA , but it makes sense that they would not be so terribly different.
If you don't have an actual prof that the money has gone from your pockets to his and AS A LOAN, it would be his word against yours. He could say " money ? what money ? " . He could say " it was a gift , and now she wants it back to spite me because I dumped her ". He could say " yes, she lent me 20.000 but we never set any precise term for restitution, it was an amicable loan with the agreement I'll pay it back when I can ". Go show that it ain't so, without a piece of paper.
Check immediately with a lawyer and.. good luck.
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A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Did you give him the money or did you loan it to him? I think you definitely need to see a lawyer to sort this out because unfortunately, if there's no written or verbal (bit shady, this one...) agreement that the money was for LOAN only, then he may not be actually obligated to pay you back :( But you must see a lawyer to see what can actually be done.
And please move on if you haven't already! You should focus on putting his sorry arse back into the debt which he came from. Harsh, but you can find someone better. Someone who doesn't treat you like a bank account.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 February 2013):
I hope you:
a.) learned your lesson
b.) didn't give him cash
If you withdrew it from your bank as a check or something and he deposited it in his bank, you should have enough evidence to sue him. I'd guess a judge would find a 20k gift hard to believe. If you had cash hidden and gave it to him your case will be hard to prove.
Either way you need a lawyer!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 February 2013):
 Oh, and did I mention to get a good lawyer??
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 February 2013):
Pardon my language, but HOLY SHIT!
What the hell are you, a bank?!?
You listen to me very VERY carefully:
Document *everything* you communicate with him from here on out, and if possible, let everything be in writing:
Send him a REGISTERED MAIL, return receipt requested. Enough with playing the desperate girlfriend, you are now a creditor of his.
Set a timeline of 30 days to get your money back, and prepare to file a lawsuit in district court. Do you hear me?
If you don't have the money to file a bunch of motions in district court, file "in forma pauperis" meaning that you are filing under limited means. Otherwise, time to start thinking legally, because his breaking up with you pretty much means that he's never going to willingly pay you back. Get it??? You play mealymouth whining pining weak-sister with him, and you can kiss your $20K goodbye.
It's time to shut the hell up with pining and start being fricken ruthless, or you will never see a penny. Time for legal shock and awe, lady and DO IT RIGHT NOW. Time to go terminator. He may yet file for bankruptcy, but you keep coming after him. This whole "abusive" crap? Save that for the weak, because you cannot be weak. You do not show mercy. You do not show pity. You do not show anything but a force unlike this pitiful speck of a man-boy has ever seen in his entire life. If he does not pay you back, destroy him. Obliterate for the next 10 years his ability to borrow *anything*. He tries to buy a house? It's gonna cost him a lot more.
You already know that what you did was stupid, because you never let money factor in any relationship. Lending money to a boyfriend must never happen again in the history of your natural born life. You still may not come out of this with money, but by god destroy him, garnish his bank accounts, garnish his wages, get your money back, sue the ever-loving shit out of him NOW! Not tomorrow, not after breakfast, NOW.
Do you get me?!?? WAKE UP AND STOMP HIS LEGAL AND FINANICAL GUTS IN! You need help finding the forms, you message me and I'll put the tools in your hand.
(Thank you Shawshank for that great quote).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2013): In the court of law you have to have had a contract between both parties regarding the borrowed money. Otherwise, a judge views the money lent as a 'gift' given from one party to another. Double check this with an attorney - you might have to pay $50 for a consultation. Also you can find some answers on google.Your abusive boyfriend did you a favor breaking up with him. No one needs someone like him in their life. The money bit, you might never get it back. However, you have to look at it as the cost of learning a very important lesson in life - 1. Pick your men wisely 2. keep your savings in your account and don't lend it out 3. Let this be a catalyst for you to get out of this depression and work towards an amazing life. You are now free of a huge weight (your ex), with the lessons you've learned, you can do anything. Head back to school - become a lawyer, do whatever, but become a strong woman.Big huge hug to you.
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