A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to know if I am in love and what the hell is going on? I have known this man for 8 years, we went on a couple of dates 6 years ago, then he moved away for college, then we started up a long distance relationship for five months 4 years ago then he went to prison (not his fault) and i moved to a different country. He told me not to wait on him as we had been dating too little time, so i went out with some one else for the year. when i returned i still wanted to go out with him again, he said he wasnt ready after all hed been through. I did not pursue it after that. I have thought about him everyday since then but we never saw each other for two years. I then met him again this summer, before moving to another country, he has been sending me messages throughout the year, then at christmas wanted to meet up. He has phoned once since then, randomly. what does he want from me I just dont understand. Does he want me or does he not? why do i think about him all the time? and what should I do? The problem is I feel i'm ruined for anyone else, because he is the only one i have thought about for the past four years.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 March 2012):
 What’s confusing? He said not to wait… you don’t live in the same country…. He’s phoned ONCE since Christmas (that was THREE MONTHS AGO)…
What does it matter what HE wants… what do YOU want? I can tell you that he does not want a long term serious girlfriend type relationship with you… no matter what YOU think and what you WANT.. you can’t make him want you.
You think about him all the time because you have a crush on what type of man you THINK he could be.
Tell me what you want from a man
Love
Attention
Devotion
Trust
Honesty
Integrity
Any of those ring a bell?
And how many of them does HE give you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): If you travel alot, living abroad for whatever reason, then what do YOU want from life?
He doesn't want a relationship with you,his contact is spasmodic, your probably 'just somebody he knows' in his mind.Somebody who answers his calls,a mate.
You can't wait indefinately, just in case he changes his mind.I think you know that.You have to draw a line.Stop thinking of him as a 'potential' and move him to 'just somebody YOU know'.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): "Eight years later and I am still confused about what he wants!"
Any ideas about what he DOESN'T want? Off the top of my head I can think of one thing: the same as what you want.
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (21 March 2012):
 Do you know what you want? Do you know what you're looking for? Do you have any idea of what is the most important attribute in a partner for you?
If you were to describe your ideal partner, would you resort to most general terms, or, could you possibly paint the clearest picture? As precise as a photograph?
And, when it comes to what he wants , just ask him !
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 March 2012):
Hi there. He probably still wants to be at least friends.
Don't try and read too much into it at the moment.
You have said you moved to another country. Was that for the work you do?
So he's in England, but you are not. Is that right?
So there's a barrier for a start. The distance.
Although you still think about him now after all this time, you are probably just in love with the memory you had - back then.
What you would be better off doing, is meeting some new friends and getting out more, so that you are less time at home pining your heart out over him.
The more you do with your time, the happier you will be and your life will be much more fun for you, generally.
It seems that he wants you to get on with your life, because his calls are very few and far between, aren't they?
So it would be safe to say, that at the moment there seems to be no commitment on his part, to you.
Of course in time, he might change his mind. And then again, he might not.
So the real question here is - "Do you really want to take a punt on that happening?"
And if so, how long are you willing to wait for it to happen?
Months or years? Because the reality is, he might NEVER change his mind.
Or, he might want his solitude for a few years, then eventually one day, decide he wants to find a life partner and have children, then meet someone and when he is absolutely sure that she's "The One", go ahead and get married!
And then if you had been waiting for him, and hoping that that "someone special" was going to be you, you'd be devastated. PLUS, you would have wasted all those years!
And unfortunately, it could happen. It's entirely possible.
You just need to decide what it is you really want.
You can only wait for so long, and then you really need to make a decision on it, once and for all.
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