A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. Lots of magazines and articles talk about "sexual compatibility" and paramount on sexual pleasure with your partner. I haven't had an orgasm yet with my boyfriend (still testing things out and finding what I like), so I wonder does sex really matter all that much in a relationship? As long as you love the other person, who cares right?
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female
reader, TrueBeautyy +, writes (28 June 2012):
LOL, the quality of the sex should matter but they aren't the most important details in a relationship. Have you guys considered more foreplay or anything that would help. Don't be discourage it could just be a mishap, don't like ur relationship be strictly based on sex thats only one of the key components, but that does raise question as to are you there emotionally to actually enjoy the sex. Therefore reaching your full big O. Don't worry tho it's nothing out of the ordinary and you shouldn't stressed it
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Sounds like you are sexually compatible to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBoy what a spectrum of responses lol. Thanks for such speedy posts!
Here are some updates on the situation based on what y'all posted:
We are very affectionate, intimate, lovey-dovey, etc. He turns me on and I turn him on. No problem there!!
By sexual compatibility I was referring to intercourse. Since that's what tends to be emphasized.
And we are each others firsts, so still "naive" as some of you may put it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 June 2012):
Sex matters. Orgasms don't really matter as much though. Testing things out with your partner, trying things, being affectionate, showing each other that they are wanted.. those things are important! Without intimacy all you have is a friendship. But sex doesn't equal orgasms. There can be loads of great sex without orgasms. I think your focus is a bit off here. Do you enjoy sex with your boyfriend? Yes? Then you are sexually compatible. It's not more crazy or difficult than that.
On the other hand, if you rarely get affection or attention, if he is only focused on himself in bed, if he never gives in bed but just takes, if he doesn't ever initiate, or if he pushes you away when you can intimacy.. Then you are NOT having a good sex life, and you are not sexually compatible.
Orgasm or no orgasm.. not really that important. Especially seeing as most women have difficulties reaching an orgasm, and besides that's always something you can learn with time. It's not a deal breaker if the man can't make you come, he'll get you there eventually as long as he is willing to try.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I think that sexual compatibility is important. That means that you guys have similar sex drives in terms of frequency, duration and acts...
I also think that open minds and acceptance is critical. I accept that my orgasms are MY responsibility not my partners. That's important for women that are unable to orgasm through intercourse or with a partner. I have had many partners and only ONE could consistently make me orgasm and then only with oral sex...
my current partner cannot bring me to orgasm although sex with him is very pleasurable. We have a great deal of daily affection and our sex life ebbs and flows as seems to be normal for couples that live together... and there are times he is happy to participate in my masturbation and help me achieve orgasm. To me this is important.
A man being able to bring a woman to orgasm is not critical. A man that is willing to try on a regular basis is. In other words, sex has to be about both of you. You both have to be on the same page about it (whatever that is).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Sex, matters a lot. Not just whether or not sex is good, but sex is also a big thing in general. Be careful about how you approach it. It's not something that you should be trying to control, or to shape into something.It almost sounds like you're trying to get this orgasm so that, according to the magazines, you guys are compatible and can love each other. That's not how it works. Orgasms are great, but just because you've had one doesn't mean it's automatically a match made in Heaven.My advice is, hold off on it for a little while. Fall in love with him apart from sex, and allow him to love you without sex as well. Sex is a drug, literally, read up on the endorphins that flood through your body after climax. Once the love is there, you may find that physical intimacy becomes more enjoyable.And lastly, I am a religious man, and I feel I should say, just wait. Enjoy life, but let sex be something you reserve for your husband, if not for your religion, then perhaps for what it will mean to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Sex is very important but understanding how to give mutual pleasure is equally important. My wife is currently having a few medical problems so we haven't had sex for around 4-5 months but that doesn't stop us from using other methods like oral to please each other.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 Hello poster, I very much like your refreshing, if slightly naive take on what constitutes a loving relationship.In spite of the somewhat cynical answers here so far, I would say that the "still-testing-things-out-and finding-what-I-like" approach is an excellent way to cement a relationship. Both of you, together, exploring things you like sounds like a great idea!As for sexual compatibility, unless you both have wildly differing fetishes or the like, I think your 'love conquers all' approach will work because you are both keen to experiment together and come up with what pleases both.I personally think that far too much emphasis is placed on "sexual compatibility", whereby people feel pressured into trying too hard, instead of doing what comes naturally.So, I say stick to what you're both doing and much luck to you!
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (27 June 2012):
 If you haven't had an orgasm on your own, you need to and soon. You need to know what you like before you can tell someone else. Your boyfriend cannot guess at what you like and how you like to be touched. Sex is very important to a relationship. I agree with both the other posters here...if I don't have a good sexual experience it isn't worth it. In my last serious relationship, my ex stopped wanting sex. It completely destroyed our relationship and he didn't want to fix it. So, please learn how to give yourself an orgasm so you can have one with him. It will bring you so much closer together.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 June 2012):
 Once you've had an orgasm you won't be thinking that... I hate to be harsh, but do you think there's even a chance your boyfriend would still be with you if you weren't giving him orgasms?
Sexual compatibility is very important. Without it you're just close friends.
You should be experimenting on your own to see what you like. Almost all women (and men) have their first orgasms while masturbating. We're pretty complicated and have very individual needs in that area so it's going to be next to impossible to learn how to have one with someone else in control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2012): A relationship/marriage without sex is merely friendship.
Most people would like a loving and exciting sexual relationship with their partner. It's not always more from the man's side either, as a quick Google search along the lines of "my husband/boyfriend won't have sex with me" should confirm.
Clearly, if one partner desires a physical relationship while the other doesn't or is indifferent, there's a compatibility issue which will cause major problems.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 Yes.
Sex Matters. I don't care how much I love a person, if they can't get me off, it's not worth it.
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