A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been marrie 5 years. My husband has progressively become obese and a lousy lover. I have always been the initiator and in the last year we've had sex about 6 times. He has his orgasm but doesn't give me a chance to nor does he seem to care if I do. I have just quit asking for sex. I am now not attracted to him at all. Prior to my now lack of attraction I have told hime what I want to no avail so I have in the last 2 weeks taken a lover who is also married and in the same situation. My husband asked me the other day why we don't have sex anymore and I really was floored by the question. I didn't tell him about my lover but did tell him once again what I needed from him in the bedroom. He actually looked surprised. Do you think there's anyway we could possibly salvage this marriage?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): love and attachments and marriage is not some thing that you can just sacrifice just for heck of it and some egos and etc etc. What we respect is togetherness and loving the weaknesses of each other.are you saying you are perfect in sex and bed? i am sure you may not be, but that does not mean your husband should just divorce you and find some other young girl or even think about it. please do not loose every thing that you have got and later on you find every thing you lost. stop any affair if you have, and be contended in what you have rather than you do not have.
A
female
reader, amandanash  +, writes (12 July 2010):
Love is not a place to come and go as we please, it a house we enter in and then commit to never leave. A marriage isn't just a "huh, ok, lets put a ring on eachother's fingers cause i think we're in love, live together, have sex and be happy i guess?". A marriage is hard work. This seems to be a rough patch for the both of you. You should try out marriage counsilling, sex therapy, read books about this stuff. Marriage isn't supposed to be something you just run away from when things get tough. When you commit to marry someone, you vow forever. Not until one of you gets bored. Work is out, seek out help
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Did you say those words you asked to your husband? So he knows that you've got one foot out the door? In other words, have you let him know how dire the situation is for you?
Did you say to your husband: "Do you think we can change things so that we can salvage this marriage?"
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 I kind of doubt it. Usualy when you cross the line of an extramarital affair it's extremely hard to go back to the relationship that drove you to that point. If your husband lost weight, and started really trying to take better care of himself, (and you) it would help. But once attaction is gone it's very hard to get back. (Kind of like putting the toothpaste back into the tube once it's been squeezed out). It also depends on how deep your feelings are for the new guy and vice-versa. Do you still love your husband? If so you will need to help him lose weight and you'll have to stop seeing your new guy. If you can't do that, then it's probably time for a trial separation or perhaps a divorce.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Is he willing to do a gastric bypass surgery? If intercourse couldn't give you orgasms, can he at least finger you?
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