A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I fear this may be a long post as I have a lot on my mind at the moment.My situation is as follows:I have been happily married to my wonderful wife for the past 7 years but our relationship dynamics have changed drastically over this time and I guess I'm just wondering if she's happy.I met my wife, lets call her Eve, when she was just 20 years old - I was 29 at that time. Now from a fairly early age I have always been what women would term as a 'charmer', over the years I have had numerous relationships of a casual nature but have always been very 'picky' when it comes to girlfriends and have never had a serious relationship before my wife. I guess the old saying is true and I knew immediately that she was 'the one'. We met in a coffee shop, she was just sat having a tea with some friends and I thought she was stunningly beautiful so pretty much forced myself to summon the courage to go over and ask her out. Thankfully she agreed and we've been a couple ever since. When we started dating she was a poor student working two jobs to support herself. She comes from a fairly well off family but took great pride in doing it on her own. She had also been in the country for less than three weeks before we met (she's Swedish) but had travelled the world with her family for years and had gained a very mature outlook on life through her upbringing. At first my family and friends were very surprised when they heard of this girl, I was absolutely crazy about her. One very memorable incident was when I was telling some old army friends about her, I must have been way over the top because they all looked at me in shock and my best mate finally said 'Fuck me, someone's won over Joey!' (reference to the shared love we all have for the TV series 'Friends' - not my real name)Anyway, I digress. At that time I was earning a very respectable income and basically took care of all our spending. It was a huge risk I know, who's to say she wouldn't just leave me after I'd supported her through University for four years. The thought did cross my mind but I just decided that it was worth the risk. We got married four years after we first started dating and it was a very happy affair. Three years later we had our first son and life was going very well indeed. I remember thinking years ago that I was a very lucky man indeed to be blessed with my beautiful wife and wonderful life but now I just can't help but wonder if she feels she settled to soon?As my wife graduated school she went on to work on a 70% basis over the next 5 years and got a PhD. At work they love her and she's now a top executive with an annual salary that is almost 10 times as much as I earn (and I'm still earning a very respectable wage!). On the looks front she's always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me but over the years she has changed. The youthful roundness of her figure and face has gone and everyone can see that she's a true beauty - to the point where people will actually stop and look at her. When she was younger she didn't use to care for the gym but after our first son she started training quite a bit and has an amazing body. To top it of she's the sweetest most caring person I have ever known. She is a devoted wife and the best mother you could ask for. We still do the pillow talk and our sex life is wonderful. I try to be the best husband I can be and regularly surprise her with gifts and vacations. When she was pregnant no request was to small or insignificant and I once travelled for four hours to get her some Swedish chocolate after she had a craving! Of course we have our ups and downs, we both have a very fiery temper (she once threw a CD player out the window) but they are always about nothing and we laugh about it afterwards.Even though she makes way more than I do and in essence pays for our lifestyle she's never once belittled me and still makes me feel like a man for providing for her. Since I cant be the one to bring home the bacon I've taken to 'fixing' things instead - anything from changing light bulbs to having the cars seen over.Lately I've become increasingly aware of the fact that if I hadn't met her all those years ago and we instead met for the first time today then she would be completely out of my league. Since I've thought of this it is only natural that she too would consider it (?).So what do you women say, do you think she's regretting settling so young or do women not think of these things? Is there anything I can do to make sure she's still happy ?
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male
reader, EN_Ken  +, writes (17 September 2009):
What exactly has changed in terms of the dynamics in your relationship that makes you think that she is no longer happy?You have given a lot of background information but you have cited none of the issues which make you think that she may regret "settling" at a young age.-Ken Phillips
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): It sounds like you have a great marriage to me! If there were any problems, I'm sure she would try to bring it up or you would at least know by her actions. If everything is as you say it is now then I'm sure she is happy with her career, marriage and your child! I also certainly don't think that she thinks she is better or thinks you're less of a man because of the amount you earn. Money is important but not as important as the love and commitment you both have between each other. If you can't let it go, then you could bring it up with her because otherwise your worries will affect your marriage eventually. Good luck and I hope you can overcome this feeling, and continue to enjoy married life! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): I think your marriage sounds just great and you are a lucky man to have married up even if it was by supporting her on her way up. I think you have some wonderful shared history, and you have always supported her and her goals.
I think it is you that is feeling a little insecure because she earns more than you do and clearly she could be independent and on her own if she so desired, but the thing is she wants you and doesn't need you and that is the way it should be.
I think you sound wonderful to her and I agree if you are feeling this way, open up to her and start a conversation and ask her this very question. Just like you did here.
And tell her your story, reminisce with her and talk about your lives together, sometimes we need to share our past with each other even though we lived it, it helps recreate and strengthen our bonds. I am sure you have nothing to be concerned about.
You have a high class problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): I made more than my x did as well. I didn't bother me, and I never criticized him for it.
It sounds like you have a wonderful marriage and that you are a sensitive, thoughtful man. Because of tradition, you feel threatened by her career. She sounds like a lucky, happy woman. I have never had a man so considerate of me as you.
But this is bothering you, and you need to address it. Since you communicate well with each other, just sit down and ask her if she is happy. Ask her if there is anything you can do for her to help with her busy schedule. I am betting that
you will hear something that will reassure you.
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