A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 22 weeks pregnant , i was seeing a guy for a year and a half and then we brok up, I got messages from him saying he missed me and so we ended up tgether , i fell pregnant , when i told him he was so happy , always texting me and ringing and wanting to meet he said he wanted a relationship i said we should take things slow and see what happings , he was texting me when he was away at work saying he cant wait to come home and hug me then all of a sudden it stopped and he started to ingnore me a bit , id only get the odd message from him, then i hear hes seeing another girl in our work place, then he starts been horrble , arranging for us to meet and not showing and then calling me a fool, i was so up set one ni after i was suppose to met him i got so upset and kept trying to ring him i didnt sleep a wink it killed me that i knew he was with her, the nex thing i started to bleed and ended up in hospital i told him and he said he would ring me back but never did , then he posted a link from utube on his facebook making fun of pregnant women , i felt sick im not sure was it from all of what he was doing or was it because the pregnacy , thank god everything was ok with the child but my weight has gone down and my apitite is gone , i cried most the time, then he had his new girl go to a wedding with him and the pics are everywhere , he wont discuss his new relation ship , he say he want to meet this week but i know thats not going to happing, hes giving me a hard time cause the child will have my second name and not his , im davastated , like im a pretty girl, i look after myself, im brainy , i save my money and im a nice person im not been shallow but it helps that hes new girl has a bad reputation and she isnt as pretty but why would he choose sumone like that! i dont deserve this , he says hell be there but how can i believe him when he keeps saying he will do things and doesnt , my heart is broken, he made a fool of me in work, it not a if i mind if he doesnt want a relationship now its the fact even hes not there as a friend, hes excluding me from his life, and worst he acting like he hates me and im a piece of shit and that this unborn child doenst matter to him. im soooo hurt and worried my son will never know hes real dad, im doing a lot better now and im keeping my head up but cant get my head around the fact tha he was so happy i was having hes child and now hes not, i never pressured him to met or be there it was hes choice, its so unfair that hes life can go on when i have to put my degree on hold and my life witch is worth it but it hurts that he can just move on and not care about any of this, do you think i should leave him be and hopefully hell cange hes mind when the child comes cause he was delighted at the start ?
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female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 Big hug hun!
You need to surround yourself with family and friends right now. All the time. You need someone to cook for you so you can keep this baby nourished. Get ready for the baby, start nesting and looking after yourself. How wonderful that you'll have a wee little boy! Life never turns out like we want it, sometimes people really hurt us, and in times like that we have to assess what our priorities are. Yours:
1. Your health and baby
2. Your happiness
So focus on the basics and surround yourself by good loving people. It sounds like you guys work together also? Start making arrangements to leave at some point - whether that means moving departments, getting more education to move up in your career or changing employers. You don't need to see him around every day. It'll just hurt.
Also go see a family lawyer. Time to find out about your rights and his rights. At some point he might want to see the baby, make sure its all goes through the court. He sounds very irresponsible with no showing up on time or not calling - you don't want someone like that around the baby.
Take this as a huge life lesson. Next time never let a man mistreat you. I'm sure there were red flags in the beginning that you might have missed. REad, "why men marry bitches" in addition to your baby books. It'll help you set boundaries with men and eventually find a loving dotting man. You're pretty and young and you will find love again.
HUGE HUG FOR YOU HUN! Hang in there. Things will get 100% better. xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): Honey u dont need this guy forget about him. he obviously doesnt care about u or his child because he has not kept in contact wit you. let him off wit this new girl. he is a big boy and can make his own mistakes and u should not have to clean up after him. he embarressed u or humiliated u then u can take legal action against him if u have witnesses. dont meet up wit him or reply to his messages and calls. let him do the grovelling. in time he might possibly see some sense on how to treat u properly. u may not be a couple b ut he may try and be a dad to this child if he gets his priorities straight. ur young and there are plenty more fish in the sea other than this jellyfish. start planning for ur child and forget about that loser. u deserve better
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 I don't know why you would want him to change his mind. He is an immature, selfish idiot who was little more than a sperm donor. Basically I would be careful about allowing access to the child if he does express an interest later on. I am not suggesting that you prevent the child from seeing him, but you need to go through the courts to get access and maintenance payments sorted out. If he doesn't turn up for you as arranged, chances are the same will apply to your child. If the family court have designated access times then he may keep to those arrangements more than an informal thing sorted out between the parents. I wouldn't hold out any hope of any relationship with him, or expect him to be around as a father. You can get maintenance payments sorted out with family court without him seeing the child. He has a basic obligation towards your child even if he doesn't see it that way. I wouldn't wish to get into a relationship with him. I think you need to stop looking at facebook etc, and start thinking it was a lucky escape from a jerk. He should be protective towards you when you are having his baby - if he is making jokes and ignoring you then it makes him an idiot and a terrible prospect for a boyfriend or husband.
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A
female
reader, younggirlconfused  +, writes (6 September 2010):
sorry to tell u this but there's not much hope of him changing! If he's being like this now dont be suprised if he wants a paternity test! In all honesty it sounds like the best idea would be to stay away! even when bub is born stay away! He's only likly to hurt u more n wats worse do damage to the child as it grows up! There's nothing worse than a father fucking around with a childs head! This is coming from experence as the child of a father who wasnt what he was meant to be, n as a mum myself! You can be a great mum to bub without a man in your life!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 I don't think you can leave him, he has already left. Prepare for life as a single mother and take care of yourself and your child. And make sure he pays child support. His life will change with this child, not only yours. Maybe not he tries to escape the truth, but he can't run forever. But do not take him back in your life, this way he treats you now is how he will treat you in the future. Don't rely on him for love or support. He is your ex. Let him stay your ex. Focus on your own life now. You will be just fine without him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 September 2010):
 No, he won't change when the baby is born and deep down you know it.
Because your baby is already here - it's inside your body ,not visible yet, but it exists already. Your bf,or ex bf, is already a parent, and should already act with the care and concern of a dad, and should show you the love and respect you deserve as the mother of his child. Is he doing that ? Heck no. Do you really think that a few months or weeks will make a big difference ?...
You've met a wrong one - it happens. Take it as a life lesson that will enable you to make better choices in your future. Have a good,loud cry, then wipe your eyes, roll up your sleeves ( psychologically ) and get ready for the new challenging yet wonderful phase of your life which will begin with your child's birth. Best of luck.
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