A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm getting a divorce and incidentally met a very old colleague from about 15 ago.He's invited me to join him in another city to watch a big football game and generally a weekend together which I accepted. He's booked the hotel, I haven't asked how the room arrangement is eg 2 rooms.twin beds? Etc.He's wanting to make this a fun weekend, said we would get drunk (I'm not much of a drinker) and asked me to get my dancing shoes.What could be the expectation do you think? I'm pitching in on expenses. I don't want to have sex but do you think that may be his expectation?
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male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (22 October 2014):
Sex is definitely on his agenda. If even the possibility of sleeping together isn't on yours, don't disappoint him or be a factor in the potential unpleasantness by accompanying him that weekend; this isn't an ordinary coffee date.
That being said, I can understand if you feel it's 'a bit too soon' to agree to go to bed with him even if you find him attractive, but if on the other hand lack of libido on your part was a factor in the divorce you mentioned, as opposed to general distaste for your husband specifically, please have a chat with your doctor. You're still a youngish woman and it's far too soon for you to be giving up sex entirely.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): You've got to take charge here, be polite and say "ok, I'm really looking forward to this weekend but I just want to check we've got a twin room/separate rooms...?"He's a guy, he's already thinking about drinking, dancing....and he's booked the hotel. I'd put money on it being one room judging by his plans.Offer to pay your way, some guys think that by paying for the accommodation entitles them to some sort of favour from the woman, that's not the case. You say you're not much of a drinker (neither am I!) so do not drink beyond your limit, don't get pressured to drink more and enjoy yourself. Often people will offer to get the drinks in etc...I will decline, or if pushed ask for a soft drink for them to return with shots and an alcoholic drink - that's their problem for not listening, I won't drink it if I already feel I've had enough and either give it back to them or let someone else have it. Don't be afraid to not drink more even if he's buying it is my point I guess, you know your limits so stick to them.If at any time he makes you feel uncomfortable then leave (having a separate room is best - you can remove yourself from a situation). But don't be naive, you've been invited for a weekend away - most people would have some expectation of it involving intimacy so set your boundaries early on x
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (20 October 2014):
 Make sure he's booked separate rooms; if he hasn't, get him to change the booking.
Tell him now that you do not want to have sex with him on this weekend and see whether he's still as keen to go ahead with it.
If he only booked one room, sex is obviously on his mind.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 It quite possibly might be.
As the other poster suggests, make sure to check what kind of accomodation he has booked for you, and do not be shy in asking for changes if it does not suite you. It's less awkward doing it now, before you leave, so he can be clear about YOUR expectations.
( Not that having separate rooms would hinder him from making passes at you if so he wants :), but , at least he can't accuse you of ambiguity or leading him on ).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): If you don't want sex then make sure you have separate rooms before you go. It will be so awkward and anti climatic to bring it up when you're checking in. Be clear about your intentions.
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