A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am going to try to keep this short.So there's this guy. November last he asked for my hand in marriage with my bro in law. i did not know the boy then. I had never seen him. However, since my parents want me to pursue my further education, they refused the proposal. I wanted to pursue my education as well.Then, once in December, I saw him. My sister showed me him. I find he was cute. I like him. He was constantly staring at me then. I think he was not yet over me. From that day since now i've been trying hard to get into contact with him and its only in June i got his number.I decided to text him. I texted him saying ''Hi'' only. There was no reply from him. I thought maybe he did not reply as he did not know it was me.The next day i texted him againME : Hi. Is that XYZ there? I hope i did not disturb you yesterdayHE : Hi. Who are you?ME : Please don't get me wrong. Its me XYZAfter that my sis told me he won't know my name. So i sent another text.ME : Am XYZ's Sis. You know me?HE : Yes i know u..What happen?Me : Nothing SeriousHE : ok..Where you got my num?Me : From a friend. Seem i am disturbing u.From then there was no reply from him. i was kinda down as i felt he does not seem interested having contact with me. still i think the next day to sent him another text with a hi. there was still no reply.I don't know what i should do. I am confused. I am thinking of calling him next week, letting a few days go by. Will that be right? Why is he ignoring me? Did the refusal for his proposal hurt his man ego? Please advise
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 I don't know much about cultures in which marriages are arranged like that, so what I say may completely miss the mark. In such a culture, I would expect that a female chasing a male may be considered to be a bit forward, and if he is at all traditional, then you taking the initiative to contact him may have put him off.
I find it odd that he would propose marriage yet never have met you. That's just not something I could fathom.
This all sounds like he liked the way you looked, asked you to marry him and that request was declined. He decided you were not marriage inclined and diverted his attention elsewhere.
Then you liked the way HE looked and sent him these texts. So, in any of this, do you have any actual face to face conversations? Where you learn if there is more compatibility beyond the 'he looks nice' or 'she looks nice'?
If things are so formal and arranged, why not have your parents contact him and tell him that you are interested in meeting him? Then he will know that this isn't just someone playing a game with him.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 June 2013):
I have no idea as I can't relate to this at all... In theory when a guy's proposal is turned down it would hurt, but since he didn't know you at all and had only seen you twice, I don't see how he could be so bothered by it, especially well after the fact.
Maybe he's just moved on and that initial spark is gone. Maybe he's with someone else. Maybe he was bothered by the fact (or the manner) that you declined him. Maybe he's annoyed that you didn't put much thought into his proposal but when you found out he was cute you decided to pursue him. Maybe he likes bring the chaser, not the one being chased.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@so very confused
Yes it is allowed. Its an either or Or option. It depends on you. Either Love Marriage or arranged. However you do get to meet/talk to him before everything get fix after that your decision is taken. That is the girl decide whether she wants to go ahead or no.
Actually the boy did not know me personally but he saw me few times. That's why he sent the proposal
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
 let me get this straight (since you asked me for advice specifically)
In november a boy you did not know that did not know you asked your brother in law to marry you and your parents said no.
I don't quite understand this... are arranged marriages normal in your culture because in mine this would not happen.
Will you be allowed to pick your own spouse?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Whose ego would not be hurt after being refused a girls hand in marriage.
If you really really want this guy, I would suggest you get a common friend to indicate that you are interested and explain that you had no idea about the proposal and you would love to get to know him.
There is two things that can happen. 1. Decline you simply because his ego has been hurt, 2. you get a positive response.
If this attempt fails you will have to leave hime alone or you would be seen as being desperate.
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