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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I was introduced to a friend of my now brother-in-law 10 years ago and I dated him for about a month. I wasn't into getting into a relationship at that point in my life and I wasn't even sure if I liked him in that way. Everyone would tell me how obsessed he was with me, and it was more of a turn off for me. Then four years later, we end up going to a wedding together and suddenly it was like we clicked. He seemed completely different. We started dating and it was always great. We always seemed to get along, things were good. We moved in together and everything was even better. He would tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He told me I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. And despite not feeling as strongly as he did, I was happy. We remodeled the house which took a lot of patience to get through and then we were flooded. We lost the house and everything that wasn't on the second floor. Faced with a decision to either get a fema provided trailer or stay with family, we opted to stay with family. Almost 2 years later, we are still staying at his parents house, waiting for a fema property buy out, paying a mortgage on an empty, destroyed house. Things have become quite tense. Nothing is the same. We argue about everything lately, and there are things said I never thought he could say. I'm almost to the point of giving up. I can see what living here has done to "us". The buyout was suppose to happen on so many occasions, it's impossible for him to move on until it happens. Every time I suggest the option of leaving and finding a temporary place for the sake of our relationship, I get brushed off. Even worse, we argue. I talk about leaving and not being able to handle living like this anymore, and he tells me it would kill him if I left. We don't seem to get along like we used to. We don't have privacy anymore. Our arguments have almost split us several times this past month. I don't even feel like I trust him anymore. It seems it has become easy for him to be verbally rude and harsh to me. I don't know what to do. Even if I walk away from this, he will always be involved in some aspect of my life. I will have to see him, know about him, it wouldn't be easy. His family would be upset. It hurts to give up, but I don't know if anything can ever be the way it was. I am sickened by what it has become.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): Correction: it's not* the end of the relationship
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): OP have you considered the option of you moving out on your own yet not calling time on your relationship?
You need some breathing space or this relationship is going to be decided by one major blow out from which it doesn't recover.
OP how can your relationship survive when you're basically living like two teenagers under the control and rules of his parents? Sometimes that can work, my fiancée's mother stayed with us while she recovered from long term surgery and I actually kind of miss having her around the house as she was a breath of fresh air but there's no way I could live with her or my family and maintain an adult, mature relationship, in someone else's home, under their rules, like tow kids etc. No freedom, very restricted sex life (I could not live without the freedom to just go at it right there and then), no privacy etc.
On top of that you have the loss of the house, belongings, him feeling trapped because he hasn't received a payout.
Walk away from the situation but not him, if you know what I mean. Get out, get your own place and go back to being an independent woman in control of your own destiny. Not only will you feel an immense freedom, he'll have your new place as an escape, a place to have time together. If it turns out to be a situation where you have to move in with family members instead then that too will work because you'll go back to the dating days, when every moment alone you can get is a blessing and instead of being stuck in each others faces 24/7 you get less time but more quality from that time.
Neither of you want this relationship to end, but neither of you can stand it the way it is now. Leave the situation but not the man, go back to that point of freedom you miss so badly. OP you know as well as I do that space is the only thing that will save this relationship. Well it's not a step backwards, it's the end of the relationship it's just changing a shit situation to save it.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Living with parents is often a complete disaster. You must persuade him to get you both outta there, otherwise you'll leave him. It's as simple as that. You can't go on like this anymore. If he really loves you, he'll want to find a solution somehow.
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A
female
reader, FreshPrincess  +, writes (4 June 2013):
You both are stressed out, and before you give up this seemingly wonderful relationship you need to figure out how to communicate with each other if you think your relationship is worth fighting for. Is it worth fighting for? If it is, you both need to get to the root of the stress, and see where each other is coming from before you start to argue. You need to see how your actions and words (Telling him you want to leave??) affect him, and he needs to see how his words and actions affect you. The best way to do that is to calmly discuss what is really going on between the two of you, no name calling, no yelling.. you guys have to fight fairly and really listen to each other.
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