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Do you think he is playing mind games with me?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 April 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 27 April 2010)
A female United Kingdom age , *oreal writes:

i feel so down,in march this year i took my mum out one wednesday afternoon to a place for lunch,unknown to us they had a guy playing a piano.i didnt take much notice to be honest my 80yr old mum enjoyed it! at the end this guy came straight over to me and gave me his card,and started to tell me about some gig that was been held he gave me the number to phone to get tickets,then he went and sat by his mum he had brought along to watch him play as i was going he shook our hand and we both looked at each other and i must say i got a feeling i have not felt in a long time!!! i came home and phoned about the tickets to this gig,i later text him and told him got the tickets for my friend and i he replyed back saying hope you will enjoy the gig,it was not on for another 4 weeks i never heard from him untill 4 days before the gig he texed me out of the blue said sorry not got back sooner and he will be at the gig on that date.i was really thrilled and excited when we got to the gig we went to see this guy playing first he was outside the pup talking on the phone and my friend and i were just about to go in and he told me to hang on he came over to me to tell me were he was sitting, but i am a bit of a conservative woman my friend did not sit with him or his friends we stood an watched him play and he started to sing a song aiming at me i was flatted of course!!!! then my friend and i went to the the hall were the gig was playing he came round a little later as he had to pack things amplifiers ect. he came in got a drink at the bar and was looking for me, i was watching him looking around then he caught us an came over had a little chat and went back to his friends,when the group started playing he was standing were i did not see him but my friend did she said he kept looking at me then he came over and knelt down told me i was a very lovely woman and could feel the energy from me,then he said would i dance with him i told him i was shy he said i wont force you an we both stared at each other, he said oh i am going to be texting you then went away... then all of a sudden he came and grabbed my hand and got me up to dance!!! when it was all over he told me he was a free man and no worries about texing ect. i texed him the day after thanking him for his compliments that was 3 weeks ago and he has not answered me i sent another asking did he get my message still no repy, i dont like to chase men but i have something about this guy so i texed him last night saying i want to ring him heard nothing yet and i know he is going to germany for a month and not sure if he is already there... i am 51 but get told look 44 without blowing my own trumpet i am attractive and a youg 51,he told me he was 48 and thought i was about 8yrs youger than him but in all honesty we thought he was about 54...

i am not short of admirers but i really do like this guy and getting a bit emotional over him we have both been married and divorced,he told me he was playing at the place were i first met him in september and feel though i will have to wait until then to see him. how do you think i should go about things!!!! i have been on my own for 6ys my choice waiting for the right person do you think he is playing mind games!!! but it hurting me deep down also i feel angry please help!!!!

View related questions: divorce, shy, text

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A female reader, loreal United Kingdom +, writes (27 April 2010):

loreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thankyou so much for your replys very grateful and i am takeing everyone`s advice thankyou again x x x

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 April 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI think he is doing his PR thing. Charming women to get them to buy tickets......

Sorry

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010):

I fully agree with CindyCares and Tisha-1 that you shouldn't contact him.

A lot of times we can emotionally and sexually connect with another, while being incompatible in other critical areas. A strong point is he doesn't do what he says he will. This is a huge red flag. Can you imagine being his girlfriend or wife and he's on the road performing in bars and doesn't call you when he says he will?

Sometimes it helps to count the blessings of what you don't have to deal with!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (27 April 2010):

Tisha-1 agony auntI think you've put too much on this man; you really don't know much about his life. Perhaps he's a raging alcoholic who can't function most of the time and only wakes up long enough to play gigs. Perhaps he has a regular girlfriend and just likes to flirt madly and get women to fall in love with him.

Whatever he is, he's demonstrated that he's not reliable. Erase him from your memory banks, he's just a little zephyr, a little breeze that blew into your life for a moment, then blew out just as fast.

Six years sounds like a long time, it's probably frustrating for you to have such a dry spell. Try your best to stop obsessing over this one, as you are wasting your precious time on a man who just isn't available.

Good luck.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 April 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt Don't be upset, these things happen quite often. I guess it's a while you are out of the dating game.

I think you read a little too much in his initial attentions. He has been friendly, he might have been also a bit flirty, but he did not mean anything in particular, some people flirt just for the sake of flirting,not because they are looking for a relationship.(And musicians are notorious flirts).It's not they do it on purpose to fool you - it's more they follow an impulse of the moment, then according to a huge quantity of variables it may lead somewhere but most of the times it won't.

I don't think you should contact him again. You have alreday tried 3 times and he did not reply.

Think : too bad for him. His loss not yours.

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A female reader, hpoco Switzerland +, writes (27 April 2010):

hpoco agony auntI think you can't be too upset that he didn't reply to a text saying you intend to call. Just call him! Maybe he is waiting for that. Its not like you are tackling him and dragging him back to a hotel room, its just a phone call. Musicians aren't known for being particularly committed/stable, so keep that in mind, but allow yourself to pursue this somewhat. Again, have a nice phone conversation and see how that goes. You don't have a lot to lose at this point! Good luck :-)

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A female reader, Myrrh United Kingdom +, writes (27 April 2010):

Myrrh agony auntHello. Hes met you, has your number and knows you are interested. So theres not much more you can do but sit back and wait....if youve a mind to. Personally id find his behaviour rather rude. He made the first move, appeared charming but didnt follow it through. Thats not a promising sign really but you never know, he may get back in touch with a good reason for his silence. In the meantime keep busy and dont stop dating.

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