A
female
age
41-50,
*ducatingrita
writes:I just started dating after getting out of a 15 year marriage. My ex never liked blow jobs and really zapped my confidence with his criticism so I need a step by step guide of giving a good bj. Thanks!
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blow-job, confidence, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (13 February 2012):
 Dear "Educatingrita," I also wrote the following a few years ago:
Okay, first of all, there is no "blowing" in a blow job, as previously suggested. Perhaps a little blowing on the tip might be interesting, but for the most part, a good blow job primarily involves sucking. Here are some suggestions from a man's point of view as the receiver:
Perhaps the best and easiest position the first time would be with the man prone on the bed. This would allow you to approach his erection from a variety of angles, with the most comfortable perhaps being from the side. However, a better position is kneeling between his parted legs. This position also works very well with the man seated but leaning back,
In either case, begin by slowly licking his penis, whether erect or not, from the base to the tip. With the between-the-legs position, you may also easily access his scrotum for licking. Continue licking base-to-tip repeatedly while also grasping around the base at times. You should alternate the licking with occasional strokes with your hand. Allow your saliva to liberally wet his shaft.
Following a moment of this activity, begin to concentrate more on the tip (glans), by licking around the ridge that encircles the head, much as you would enjoy a tasty ice cream scoop. Use your hand to hold the shaft erect to kiss, lick and suck on the tip. Gradually begin to suck and apply wet kisses to the very tip of the penis and allow just the head into your mouth occasionally with a strong suck and kiss. Continue holding the shaft around the base, but begin adding strokes while you continue playing with the tip of the erection with your lips and tongue.
When you are comfortable, and he is no doubt fully erect by then, you begin to insert deeper and deeper into your mouth while gently sucking, as if on a pop sickle. Move your head as necessary to continue thrusting his erection gently into your mouth, in and out, in and out. Accompany the motions with strokes on the shaft with your hand(s). Occasionally, go back to licking, kissing and sucking just on the tip for several seconds, then again plunge it deeper into your mouth.
There are variations on this basic method, including different positions and advanced techniques such as deep-throating, but this is a good start. At some point, perhaps sooner than later, the man will approach orgasm. You may notice that his erection becomes bigger and harder, the tip may swell and turn redder, and of course, his breathing and thrusting will quicken. You will need to decide whether to allow ejaculation into your mouth, or stroke him to climax with your hand(s). In either case, do not stop. If you finish with the hand job, be very gentle after he has ejaculated. The head of the penis will be extremely sensitive.
If you prefer take the sperm in your mouth, you can swallow or later spit it out, but again, continue sucking through the finish. The fluid will likely taste fairly bitter, similar to powdered aspirin or lemon juice. Or it will possibly taste fairly salty. If he consumes a good amount of fruit and fruit juice (notably pineapple and cherries) the day and hours before, the sperm reportedly tastes sweeter. Providing he is healthy and disease-free, the ejaculate is harmless and reportedly even healthful, largely containing proteins, minerals, vitamins, sugars and salt.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (11 February 2012):
 No need to apologise. Re-reading my answer I think I came across as judgmental. No, I KNOW I did and I apologise as well.
It wasn't what you asked but where you asked it that caught me off guard. The question itself is a valid one and you've done no harm asking it here.
In all the posts on all the forums I have seen very seldom do I ever come across one from a man who boasts his girlfriend gives him the most fantastic, mind blowing blow jobs he's ever had. Almost never. That means you are far from alone.
We're often told that we're responsible for our own orgasm and if your ex wasn't getting his, he could have communicated that more effectively than he did. That's a reflection of HIM, not you. Thankfully there are plenty of books and articles on the subject.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, PJ090729  +, writes (11 February 2012):
Different guys have different levels of sensitivity. I personally don't like it if someone does it with too much force because it hurts, but others apparently really dig that.
My advice is this - avoid using your teeth in ANY way, and take your cues from your partner. Start slow and gentle, and then ask him what he likes... harder, softer, teasing with the tongue, etc..
I don't think a universal "Amazing BJ" techniques exists, only people that are better at taking unspoken cues from their partners.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (11 February 2012):
 I was in your same boat recently, and what helped me the most was watching a few free videos on the internet (not like the official movies, but homemade videos). I'm not a fan of porn, but watching what they were doing made me realize that what I was doing was right, and I just needed to do it with more confidence. So I did. And ever since, my boyfriend has been very pleased. :)
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A
female
reader, Educatingrita +, writes (11 February 2012):
Educatingrita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who took the time to reply and I apologize if I posted this in the wrong forum. While looking for tips I found this site and thought it was okay to post it here. Again thank you and hopefully I will put them to use soon :)
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Double M said it well. However, there are some men that honestly don't get off on blow jobs. I happen to be one of them, just like some women don't like being eaten out. However, I do understand what you are talking about.Chances are, if you do what Double M is saying, you could be gettin yourself a real boat load of confidence ;)
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Don't let the past trap you.. That's the way to make your losing ex win against you everytime. If you lack confidence, basically you're still his woman, he's still in your mind and he's still controlling your present and future, time to let the bloody jerk go and concentrate with the guy your dealing with now.I'm not going to give you a list of techniques. They are easy to find on the internet, and I don't find them particularly helpful. I've only given a BJ once following perfect technique, and that's because I was damned angry and didn't want to share my soul, but wanted him to suffer sexual punishment and torment.... Damn jerk didn't even notice... he's a man, so even an angry BJ is wonderful.. lol Your ex had a problem, it wasn't your technique.What I find a guy likes, each and every time.. is ME.... doesn't matter if I'm doing it right, as long as I don't hurt (so no teeth). But I don't really care about the guy when doing oral sex. I do it to please myself, I'm having a conversation with a lovely penis and the guy just comes as part of the package.Enjoyment, enthusiasm, actually liking what you are doing. That's all you need. Sometime you might want to nip a little, sometimes a lick, sometimes you just sit back and watch how Mr Penis man reacts... have fun, and the guy will have fun as well. He'll tell you if something is wrong, but a woman who is having fun is the greatest turn on I know.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Don't worry about not doing it right... just listen to the mans breath and look at his facial expressions and you will soon learn what he enjoys and not. Just experiment with different touches and well, try out different things with your tongue. Then check for his response.
Guys like different things, so there's no real manual that works for all men. If you want to give your guy the best thing for him then you need to experiment and see what he likes. If you focus too much on text and instructions you'll not enjoy the experience. Unless you actually enjoy doing it as well then there's little point in it. A man enjoys a blowjob more when you enjoy giving it, basically. If you love what you do then he'll love it too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2012): Why would it be inappropriate ? Lol doubleM made a great job! Also make sure you do not use any teeth though y b likes it when I tease with my teeth a little without actually doing anything , but doubleM game a great guide. Another great tip I was given is to lick him with pleasure like if that was your favorite lollipop and actually enjoy it! There are so many woman Outhere that she bjs as a chore or are embarrassed by them lol they are very normal and though a few tips help I'm sure you will be wonderful as it is something more of instinct and desire and I'm sure your guy will be pleased!
Also caressing his ball sack gently while sucking helps a great deal too ;)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 February 2012):
Well, I wrote this in 2008. You can also search the above for additional information regarding blow jobs.
First of all, a good session of fellatio does take some time when properly orchestrated, which makes it all quite enjoyable for most men. A blow job that takes a "good while" is preferable, in my opinion.
Stroke and essentially play with his exposed penis leisurely, at least until his erection is good and hard. Include fondling his scrotum alternately. All this tends to increase anticipation and tension - building up to a climatic release.
Once he seems quite aroused, as indicated by a stiff erection, position between his legs and slowly begin licking from the base to the tip, making several passes up all conveniently available sides, also occasionally paying attention to the ball sack again. There is no hurry, and while licking the shaft, also gently massage the scrotum.
Only after at least several minutes of the above, begin applying more licks around the tip (glans), especially swirling around the ridge as well as the very tip, and start adding kisses. You should probably focus around the tip for some time, but alternate back to licking strokes up and down the shaft occasionally. Again, there is no reason to hurry the enjoyment.
At some point, when he seems to be wanting to insert, begin sucking strongly on the tip, alternating with kisses and licks. Vary the action, and then start deepening the insertions into your mouth. Continue massaging the scrotum gently with one hand, while stroking the base of the shaft with the other while you bob his erection into your mouth. At this point, nothing much can go wrong as long as you keep your teeth away from the shaft as you suck the erection and continue the hand strokes. Continue to vary all the previous activities on occasion, but focus primarily on sucking the erection as deeply as you are comfortable.
You may feel his tip begin to swell a bit, his breathing will likely quicken and his trusting efforts may increase just prior to ejaculation. Do as you wish as he releases, but the most satisfaction occurs if you continue to suck throughout and continue to stroke. Swallow the cum if you prefer. A healthy man's sperm is nutritious and harmless. Again, in my opinion, speed is not the issue.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (11 February 2012):
 I agree with "Ciar" about the inappropriateness of giving explicit replies in open forum, but I feel that at your age (sorry!) you should have mastered this essential life skill.
In the interests of Educating Rita (lovely username, lovely film) I would be happy to give you some guidelines in a plain brown envelope (i.e., private message me).
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (11 February 2012):
That sort of step by step advice can be found in books or online articles. They are plentiful and easily accessible.
This is a mainstream site about relationships (whatever their nature) and general life problems and caters to people of nearly all ages. It would be totally inappropriate for anyone to provide such graphic information here.
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