A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. We were only together for a month when he moved back home (hours away) for work last summer. We decided to try to make it work because we both really felt that we had an amazing conection. At first things were really good. I should mention that he came to visit me about 3 times also and they were really great. The second time I went up there to visit a girl told me that he was hanging out with this girl julie a lot and that she thought that julie had stayed over at his house. I confronted him and he said that Julie liked him but he never let anything happen and that julie and her friend were going to stay over one night on the couch because they had been partying there with a bunch of people, but that they didn't end up staying. I tried to let it go. The next time he was gone out of town for work he didn't call me for about a week and a half, usually when he wasn't at home he called about every 3 days. While he was gone he let his sister use his car. When he went back home there was a big festival going on and he camped at it and didn't call me at all over the festival. Right after that he went away for work again. When he got back from that stint I went to visit him. I got to his house and he wasn't home yet. I knew that he might not be so I went in. There was two small girls shirts on the floor by the door, when I went into the bathroom I noticed a small ziplock bag with two condoms and a packet of lube in his toiltry bag. I never snooped he had left this all really visible, not like he was trying to hide anything. When he got home I asked him about these. He said the shirts were his sister, or at least she had left them in his car (His sister is quite big) and that they gave out the condom package at the festival, so he took one. OK. I tried to live with that explanation. I went home and in a few weeks he had work closer to my house (only about 4 hours) so I went to visit him during the weekend, This was all instigated and put forth by me, he didn't really seem that excited that I was coming. The final time he was away from work he didn't call me for two week. He says he'd tried to, but I never got any messages. He works in the bush so it is hard to be in contact, but I know they get some access to a satalite phone at least once a week. During this time I spent the night at a male friends house in his bed, I'll call him chris. We had been out drinking and have been friends for 12 years and had shared a bed many times before when we were both single with out even touching. This night chris came on to me, and I told him that, yes things are not good with my boyfriend right now but that I didn't want to cheat on him, and nothing happened. I don't know why I thought that sharing the bed was ok, but I never really felt guilty about it. I never told my boyfriend. I guess I felt like my boyfriend was distant from me and maybe was unsure of our relationship so it didn't matter that much. My boyfriend finally called and had all sweet things to say and said he wanted to go on a long trip this fall together. When he finished that job I went up to stay with him for a month, most of his friends had moved back to the cities where they were going to school. Then we took a two month vacation. It was all amazing. I still worried a bit about what was happening in the summer but he assured me that nothing happened, and everything was great so I let it go. When we got back from our vacation it was christmas time so I stayed with my family and he went home. After christmas my family went on a ski vacation and offered to fly him down to come. He wanted to spend time with his family and said he would fly me up after new year, which was when my family vacation ended. Chris and I had always skied lots together and he is close to my family and wanted to come, actually kind of inviting himself. So he came, and stayed on the pull out couch. He actually ended up hooking up with a friend of a friend of mine on new years.When I went to visit my boyfriend he'd told me that he'd done coke one night (something I knew he'd done before but thought he had quit) and admitted that he'd done it a couple times over the summer. He'd previously told me he haded done it since the previous summer. When we got to his house the condom and lube package was by his bed, he pointed it out and said he didn't know why it was there. I thought I remembered that we left it there in the fall but wasn't sure and I didn't say anything.He moved back home with me and was going to get a place of his own, but I needed a roomate and he only needed a place for a few months until summer when we were both planning to move to his home. anout a month ago we were sitting infront of the computer when julie msn'd him saying she missed him. He turned it off, and I said "thats nice" and we left it at that. Recently he's been saying that he doesn't want to go home for the summer. He has a bunch of reasons that don't make sense, so I confronted him about what he was hiding. I've worried for so long that something was happening in the summer but everything else with us is truly amazing. I finally decided that I wasn't just insecure and that he probably was hiding something, but that because things were so great with us now that if I knew the truth we could probably get by it. He told me that over christmas he had had a whole bunch of people over including julie and that they had slept in the same bed but nothing happened, and he had drove her home in the morning and hung out with her for a while. I was not ready for this. There are so many circumstances that I've been trying to see in the best possible way for us. But all of them can be explained by him and julie having a thing. I don't know that I can trust that this is the whole story. I want to. I really do love him and I feel like he loves me. But at the same time I feel like he is trying to keep his single party life seperate from his life with me, but still have both. He said that that is the whole truth and that he feels sooo bad and is willing to do anything to make it up. He has said that he will never lie again and well, all the right things. I am friends with his best friend and he didn't know about him and julie spending the night together over christmas, and says that julie has been after my boyfriend since high school and that he has never been into her. And also that he knows that my boyfriend loves me. But he also sees what a bad situation it is. Do I try to forgive and forget and believe that he is telling me the whole truth? and if I do, Do I owe up to spending the night in chris's bed?
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best friend, christmas, condom, insecure, msn Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the question here is that I'm not sure If I can trust him. I guess I have made a choise to give it another chance provided that we do live up there so I can feel comfortable that i know all of his life and that he's not keeping part of it from me. He says we can do that but that he doesn't really want to because he wants to avoid that whole party scene. I don't know if I can trust him going back there without me and I think that inevitably that is going to happen eventually and if i've been around there and know the people / scene that I'll be ok with it but not if I haven't. What should I do? And I still don't know if i need to fess up about chris?
Help please
A
female
reader, lozz  +, writes (28 March 2007):
Ermm to be fair trust love and respect the key to any relationship ohhhh and give and take so does your relationship match up to this if not let it go
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