A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf won't marry me but expects me to be a full time mom to his child while he works and goes on vacations. I'm feeling trapped. His son in five and has displayed major violent and angry behavior. He has attacked other children during outings at the park, he expresses his desire for his parents to get back together and me to leave his life. He throws rather terrible crying fits when confronted for his defiant and angry behavior. He scares me. Some of his behavior is normal, back talk and arguing for his age, but the aggression leading up to damaging school property and hurting smaller children without provocation is scary and beyond what I Am prepared to handle. There is no future talks about where our relationship is headed.No talks of marriage or if he would love to exchange vows and make a solid commitment with me. Marriage may not be viewed the same for some people nowadays but I am old fashioned. I feel that it holds its weight. Not the price tag or the ring, but the proclamation of love and inviting family and friends to join in on our moment. Idk. He was married before, she broke it off, he has made it clear in very blunt words he chose marriage and has a belief in it, was willing to see it through and work through anything- but it stops at that. What he was able to give his ex. His ex whom he's shared way too much personal stuff about including intimate details of their wedding night. Am I stupid? I am. I feel like I am. Why should I stay any longer with a guy who seems more interested in a full time nanny for his son than a future with both of us? A future all together. Not just a replacement for his ex? His son needs so much love and attention. I can't invest too much more because I don't know where I stand and if as this child wishes, I should just leave? It's unfair to me that both this small boy and I be strung along with no hope of a future together without a real commitment that there is love and hope in sight?This boy needs something stable too. He's hurting. And I am still a woman, I deserve to not question biding my time with someone or if he believes I am the one he is willing to exchange vows with. I am scared.Am I wrong? It's been almost two years together and he dodges the topic of marriage. It's hurtful, but maybe it's too soon? I am here full time watching his son while he works. Giving up my time. His mom is out of state and also out of mind, she barely tries. Should I leave?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2015): Why buy the cow when he gets his milk for free.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): Do you live together? Do you have an income apart from this man? If not, whatever you need to do to gain independence do it now. Assuming from your story there's no mention of your life apart from this loser. I am a stepmom. Stay at home mom and stepmom. My HUSBAND knew right away what he wanted and it was a forever with me. He did not do it for the childcare. We vacation as a couple two times a year. Yes, read that right. Every six months the kids go to they're dad/ moms homes and we reconnect. If my husband ever suggested a vacation without me, even work, it wouldn't happen. He has responsibilities to his kids and this family takes work. Am I a bitch? No I am blessed. He agrees whole mind and heart with me on this. He has yet gone out without me by his desire. We are in love, we have three kids between the two of us, we dare not waste our free time running around and losing that connection. When we grow old, we will do it together and look back on all we did together. Not talk about our exes because we had nothing better in our time. Do you have this with your man? Doubt it. Dump him now! Run! And never look back!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 September 2015):
 I'm sorry for you and for the kid. This is not a good situation at all.
This guy takes VACATION and leave you to watch his son? Wait what? You and the kid don't go with him on vacations? WHY not?
His son who really does need some kind of counseling, he is 5, so while I agree there can be some tantrums, some anger, some rudeness but what you describe? goes beyond the "normal" 5 year old. It sounds like a 5 year old who is out of control and while he DOES have some stability in you... he doesn't seem to understand that. Plus YOU say he scares you? Trust me, HE is aware of that. The boy needs help. Of the professional kind. This is about more than a 5 year old not understanding divorce.
You have been with them for 2 years, which means the kid was 3 when they divorced. 3 year old don't understand divorce all they know is that one parent isn't there any more, but someone else is (you) yet he is still trying to alienate you.
So right now you are an UNPAID nanny/au pair. He doesn't have to pay for someone to watch him because he has you. He knows what you are wanting from him, but the LONGER he can avoid the subject of marriage the longer HE has a free live in nanny.
The least he can do is give you an answer, but you say he dodges it, so that means YOU let him dodge it. IS that because you don't think he deep down wants to marry you?
I'm sorry, I would leave. You need to stand on your own two feet and be independent. Which means YOU need to find yourself a job and some place else to live.
In a way I would be surprised if he proposes if you tell him you are leaving, that way he can drag out the engagement for another couple of years.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2015):
 I suggest you get out of this trap - which trap you have come to recognize - and get on with your life... with this cad in your rear-view mirror!!!!
Good luck...
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