A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice as I don't know what to do. I have been married for 6 years. For the past year or so i have slowly but surely noticed money gone from our savings. Now we are careful about our money and we never touch our savings unless necessary. I asked my husband a few times since this has been going on if he has used the money. Twice he said he needed it for bills (which isn't true because we always have enough in checking for bills and don't touch savings) and the other time he said he didn't touch it and doesn't know what happened. It's been mostly smaller amounts but recently I've noticed about $400 gone which I know is very strange as all the bills had been paid and we had enough in checking to be used for whatever. My husband says he's not been nothing money gone and that I'm just mistaking but since this has been going on I've been monitoring our accounts closely. Since I told my husband I was monitoring our accounts more closely as maybe something weird was going on, it stopped. No more money was coming out. However, yesterday our truck broke down and is now in need of repair so I went to our emergency savings we have and there is about 250 dollars gone that should not be gone. So now we don't have enough for our truck repair. I finally confronted my husband nicely if he is needing money and is taking it to just please tell me as I would like to know and make sure we aren't going crazy with our savings. He told me he has not been taking any money and to stop mentioning it. I don't want to jump to conclusions but I think he is lying to me about this. It's not so much about the money but what is he spending it on? Our savings has gone down quite a bit and I'm concerned. I'm just hoping he is not going through a drug problem or spending it on another woman. I know he's met a lot of new people this year at his new job. He won't let me know what's going on. We are the only people that live in the house. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): contact the fraud squad at the bank in case someone has phished bank details.The clue is in not wanting to talk about it but maybe your husband is the quiet sort with other stuff on hismind so let the fraud squad help you to recoup your losses and alter all details so that you dont loose all. Cancel cards ,change details, get passwords and new pins and limit amounts in contactless.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2015): Hes most likely gambling it and there is no way he will confess it to you.Try gamblers annonymous for help but most of all tell him its a dodgy account and draw what you would consider is your amount and bank it elsewhere and drop your name off that account asap.He will keep saying its not him because its the horses or the dogs that didnt winand he will take increasingly larger amounts as soon as he thinks your confidence is restored.Its a classic con trick.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2015):
 One other thing - watch the amount of his paycheck. If it decreases, that means he's diverting money before it even gets to your account. Can you find a pay stub?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2015):
It's definitely your husband who is chipping money. Do you not see the bank statements or sign in online to see transactions? When I go into my banks, they not only show details of transactions, where the purchases were made, which ATMs were withdrawn from, but also the last 4 digits of the debit or credit card that was used to make the transaction. I know exactly whether or not it's me or my husband that's doing it.
Another reason I know it's your husband is this - any guy who is truly innocent who hears that the bank account is hemorrhaging money, and he'd be all over the bank like white on rice, getting to the bottom of exactly WHERE the money is coming from.
Most guys are hyper-alarmed at the idea of money going out of an account without authorization, and for your guy to say "It's not me, so stop asking"? He's not only a liar, but a moronic liar who didn't even pretend to call the bank and act concerned about a possible identity thief.
I also know it's not an ID thief because of the way the money is being chipped, like it's being hidden from you. A thief, knowing that a card will soon be canceled, would try to take as much money out as possible or do a big transaction, the only exception being drug mules who charge overseas or across country filling up gas tanks, which is why gas stations ask for your billing zip code now at the pump.
Go to the bank and get a detailed report. Find out your husband's last 4 digits of his debit card number. I'm 99% sure we know it *is* him. Next we need to find out is WHY. Is he funnelling money out of your joint bank account in order to fill a prepaid card or a hidden bank account? That would point to having an affair. Lots of cash taken out? Possibly drugs or simply wanting to overspend without accountability, which is wrong on all counts, even if he thinks you rule the accounts with an iron fist.
He's guilty alright. I can share a personal story here - a couple of years back, I was about to pay bills on a Sunday, and opened the bank account the start the first round, and noticed we were missing like $600. I pull a detailed report, and my husband's card was being used in places I didn't even know he was at! When I told my husband what was going on (I didn't assume he was having a field day...I was just alarmed), he freaked out and ran for his wallet, adamantly saying he was NOT anywhere where the spending was happening. As I was calling the bank getting ready to freeze the card, my husband pulled his wallet, pulled out the card and said "How can this be happening! The card's right HERE!" I noticed something weird about the card right away - it looked more "worn" than my husband's other cards. I pulled the card and figured out the culprit:
Two days ago, my husband grabbed lunch with a co-worker. The server took their credit cards (which happened to be from the same bank so they looked identical), charged them, and accidentally switched them. My husband didn't even glance at the card and neither his his co-worker. They put it back in their wallets, and then that weekend, his co-worker had a weekend getaway with his kids, using our credit card left and right.
So instead of me cancelling the card, my husband got in touch with his co-worker, who stopped using the card, obviously, and that following Monday, reimbursed my husband the money he spent. Can you believe all the dumbass clerks who didn't care that this guy was running around with someone else's card??
My point being - if your husband were innocent, he'd be peeing himself trying to get to the bottom of where the missing money was.
Time for you to not only establish proof that he's chipping, but also for you to be a detective and find out WHY. He's being dishonest with you, and I hope it doesn't involve cheating or drugs or gambling or escorts.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 September 2015):
 Ask the bank for a printed itemized statement. It will give you date/time/amount and who took it out. If you share back account but have two different atm/debit/credit cards linked to the account it is easy enough to see WHO took the money out and when.
After you get that statement, take some cash out and cancel the card, have new one issued. JUST in case it isn't him, but someone using HIS (or your) info.
Do you have fraud protection on your account? If not, get some. Most banks offer it.
We have it on ours. If there is a withdrawal/payment from the savings one of us gets a phone call before it's processed - we have to say YES that is ours and give the bank a password to process it.
Like you we keep an amount in the saving for emergencies/repairs etc. We both usually transfer money from saving to checking if we need to take some out - those transfers do not warrant a phone call from the bank as it just goes from saving to checking.
once you figure out it's NOT fraud (like someone siphoning from your account) show your husband the bank statement and tell him to explain. If he refuses... well, that will be up to you. Personally I'd start a separate saving account only you have access too and move the money.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2015): Yes that true the bank can give you a list of what's been spent and where and date and time. Personally I'd go to the bank and ask if they can put a stop to any money being taken from that account unless only you sign for it personally. Explain to them due to personal reasons you need this doing until you come back in to change bk to how it was . I wouldn't tell your husband this , if he tries to take money out again he won't be able to and if he quizzes you about the account then you know he's 'dropped' himself in it by bringing up 'the account' play detective without anyone knowing then if you find out what he was spending money on take steps to sort that problem out. Me personally I'd close the account and re-open a new one he can have his name on but only you can take the money out and if he asks what's happened say oh yeah there was problems with the last account I had to change it ! Your not lying to him you did have problems he was taking money out and lying about it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 September 2015):
 Your bank can give you a detailed rundown of withdrawals from your account.... and you may use that to confront hubby.
I suspect he's taking the money and believes that YOU will believe HIM when he sez there's no explanation for the money's disappearance. That doesn't happen!!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2015): There is a tiniest chance the money is being taking by somebody else other than your husband. All the security breaches at Target and what not. I doubt the thief would take small amounts on a regular basis.
My question is: If your husband denies taking out money why haven't you gone to the bank yet? I would go through the statements very thoroughly.
Also I would take the husband to the bank to file a complaint about money gone missing and you might be a victim of the thieves. At least mention it to him and see how her would react.
My guess is he is taking money. And if he can't tell you why chances are he is doing something bad.
Was he as surprised as you were when you didn't have enough to fix the car?
Wish you all the best sweetie.
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