A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I never stopped seeing my ex after we broke up. It has been over a year and we never stopped hanging out and sleeping together, we just eliminated a title. It all gets confusing because for the most part it seems like we are together still but we are technically not. I am really ready to get back together. I am getting tired of him just not respecting us enough to do it, since we are pretty close anyways. We do have some hang ups that are substantial. We became friends because I was his best friend's girlfriend. After almost a year after that break up, him and I got together behind everyones back. None of his friends really ever got on board with us and still aren't today. He also lacks a lot of happiness and direction in his own life which is why he says he's not ready to get back together. Both of these play a huge role. I know we love each other and make a great couple when he puts in the effort. I do believe he is the right guy for me. What do i do?? Just be happy with what he can give right now or end it?
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female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (12 February 2013):
People only say they are settling when they know they could do better without a doubt, but are too scared, lazy, or self-sabotaging to do otherwise. You are only 22-25. If you were on your death bed and desperately wanted to get married, OK. Like I tell most people on this site to (rightfully) do: NEXT. You, like almost everyone here, isn't posting because your relationship is right. You are posting here because it is most certainly wrong.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2013):
 If you believe he is the right guy for you, (and to be honest I do not) you must take a leap of faith and the risk to force his hand.
You say NOTHING changed but the title... so he still takes you out and buys you things and does nice things for you? or is the nothing that changed is that you still go over to his place and have sex....
IF NOTHING has changed and you still totally behave as a couple, he's hanging around with you till he finds someone that he wants more...
if the only thing that has not changed is having sex... well then stop having sex and see what happens....
btw, if he's not making any effort.... he's not vested in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): "I am really ready to get back together. I am getting tired of him just not respecting us enough to do it, since we are pretty close anyways."It's not "us" he doesn't respect, it's "you" (singular) he doesn't respect because you don't respect yourself. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to shamelessly take advantage of you the way you're allowing him to shamelessly take advantage of you. "I know we love each other and make a great couple when he puts in the effort."And you make a willing convenient quick easy lay on the side when he can't be bothered to put in the effort, which is why he's "not ready" (translation: has no reason or incentive) to "technically" get back together. And why should he want to once again bestow the "title" of girlfriend upon you? He already enjoys all of the advantages of having one (regular and frequent sex) with none of the disadvantages (commitment, obligation, fidelity). "What do i do?? Just be happy with what he can give right now or end it?"What HE can give? Sorry, but when a girl is still putting out for her ex-boyfriend a year after breaking up, then he's taking everything and giving nothing.If you are willing to continue being so oblivious and clueless as to let this guy string you along for casual no-strings sex strictly for his pleasure and strictly at his convenience, then he's more than willing to continue the arrangement indefinitely.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 Hi
Stop seeing him, he has no reason to give you back the girlfriend title just now, he is *available* to others while still getting his needs met by you.
Tell him as he is not your boyfriend the privilages stop until/ or unless he gives you back your title.
If he isn't happy or ready to settle down then you have to show him what life is like without you so he can decide what he wants - or you can.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 February 2013):
How can you think he is the right guy for you when he doesn't share any of your goals nor does he want to be with you? You have a choice to move on or accept nothing. Either way the choice is yours and I don't think there is anything we can do to convince him to be with you. It is a decision he needs to make for himself and I doubt he will think of it when you've given him everything a normal gf would without the title. In a way you've allowed the relationship between the two of you to reach this point and I don't think it will change any time soon unless you put your foot down and demand the respect and attention you deserve.
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A
female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (10 February 2013):
He doesn't want you to be his girl friend so you'll have even less chance of being a wife. So he just wants free sex.
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