A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In 2019 my husband and I got married. We had a very lavish wedding costing us around £50,000. We both worked extremely hard for a couple of years and made lots of sacrifices to be able to pay for it- we didn’t have any handouts. My cousin got married 2 months after us, she never wanted a big fussy wedding so hers was on a much smaller scale. It was very simple but a lovely wedding. Now a few family members kept comparing the 2 weddings - favoring ours over my cousins. My husband and I kept out of it all as we felt it was unfair to compare 2 completely different weddings.Fast forward a few months and I noticed my cousin was avoiding me- we usually got on well and went for lunch but since the our weddings she had been too “busy” to catch up with me- despite making time for everyone else (I could see on her Facebook when she was out).I also noticed she kept posting things on her Facebook about how “love is more important than money” and “money doesn’t buy happiness” and “people who show off are insecure” etc… I didn’t pay much attention.Then the pandemic hit and we kind of lost contact.About a week ago I was talking with one of my aunts -she came over to watch our wedding dvd and we got talking about my cousin - I mentioned how we lost touch after the weddings and my aunt told me that my cousin had been badmouthing me and my husband to other family members and friends. Saying things like we got a loan to help pay for our wedding (which we didn’t), saying our wedding was pretentious and boring, how my husband and I aren’t really that happy so had a lavish wedding to gloss over our relationship and the list goes on….I want to confront my cousin over this but my husband said to leave it alone. Now there is no reason for me to doubt what my aunt said- she’d have no reason to lie.Do I confront my cousin or leave it?
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cousin, facebook, insecure, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2021): The only thing I could add the what the other Aunts have said is, it isn't your responsibility to tend to her insecurities.
It's ironic that she's bad mouthing you over the wedding as it's shows jealousy and resentment.
You say your family were commenting, could this have gotten back to her and maybe that's why she's gotten all defensive? Who knows?!
Just chill and let her live her life. You've lasted this long by keeping her at arms length so just let her be toxic to other people and keep well out of the way. It will eat her up more to see you happy despite her jealous remarks.
If you confront her, no good will come of it.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 September 2021):
 Let it be. She's jealous of you and obviously not the nice person you thought that she was. Only a bitter, insecure, jealous, spiteful person would speak like this about someone so close to them. Don't try to contact her anymore, she's chosen to keep away from you because she can't stand your money. It's as simple as that.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 September 2021):
 Assuming your goal is to get back on friendly terms with your cousin, "confronting" her is not the way forward. In your shoes I would send her a nice card, saying something like "I'm not sure why you have chosen to cut me out of your life but have heard on the grapevine that you didn't approve of our wedding. I am sorry you didn't like it but it was what WE wanted, which is why we worked and saved hard for two years to pay for it. Please can we get past this and be friends again? I miss you."
Then leave the door open for her to make a move. If she chooses not to, then at least you will have tried. Be the bigger person and, hopefully, it will be worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2021): Typo correction:
"If people believe her rumors and lies; nothing you can do [to] change that."
***Besides, if she gets a rise out of you; she'll feel her mission was accomplished. If she's still going-on about a wedding from two years ago; don't you dare crawl beneath your dignity to go and tangle with her over such childish rubbish!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 September 2021):
 Eh, what's the point in confronting her?
SHE is entitled to her opinion, just as you are to yours.
You wanted a fancy expensive wedding. It was important to you and your husband so you saved up and had an expensive wedding with all the trimmings.
She didn't save up (as much). She (and her husband) chose a less expensive wedding.
I think she is badmouthing you because she WANTED the more informal wedding until she went to your fancy wedding. She is annoyed that people compare and she is a bit jealous as well. Maybe not because your wedding cost more, but because people constantly compared the two. It gets old fast. And honestly? Anyone comparing weddings like that is an idiot.
While I agree with the sentiments of :
“love is more important than money” and “money doesn’t buy happiness” and “people who show off are insecure”.
I think people pointing this out ENDLESSLY on Facebook are JUST as insecure and petty to boot.
She was posting those "quotes" hoping to poke at you.
She WANTS your marriage to NOT be happy because you had a bigger wedding? Well, that is asinine!
Seems more like SHE isn't really a happy person herself, she is PROJECTING her own insecurities and unhappiness on that ONE day and you.
Basically, she is "taking poison hoping you die". Let her sulk. Let her have her "Facebook Pity parties" and LET her spread lies about you. They are inconsequential. If anyone believes them, that is on them. WHO cares?! It's probably not people you know or interact with anyways.
While I am 100% in the camp of "expensive weddings are ridiculous, silly and a waste of money for a 1 day event". That the expense of a wedding will NOT determine the happiness of the union, it will NOT make a better couple or better life. I am also 100% in the camp of DO what makes YOU happy on that day. It's no skin off my nose. And in your case, NO skin of your cousin's nose. Just her butthurt little ego.
Don't "confront" her. If you do, you are climbing into the pathetic sad little gutter she lives in.
Have a little empathy with those around her. Her poor husband. Seriously, can you imagine? Being married to someone who LIES about something as irrelevant as YOU taking out a loan OR not, to make herself look and feel better? That is SAD!
Listen to your husband here. Let it go.
Best revenge? HAVE the best marriage and life you can.
Sucks to suck! (sucks to be her)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2021): I understand how you'd be inclined to want to confront her and give her a piece of your mind; but it's too petty. Isn't it obvious to you that she's envious? She has already spread her poison, and can't take it back.
You can't control what people feel or think. You've indicated in your post that people were comparing the two weddings; which in itself is inappropriate. That's what instigated this mess in the first-place. You chose to have a flashy wedding; and you weren't completely unaware of the fact her wedding would be 2 months later. In a small-minded person's opinion; you were putting on a show for her benefit. It would appear you were intentionally competing. You were making your dream a reality. That's all it was, and nasty people can draw whatever evil conclusions they like.
Apparently, it was so nice, you made people jealous! That's human nature, and it was bound to happen. Why was it so lavish, unless you wanted to knock everyone's socks off? Isn't that the point! You succeeded! It's the talk of the family! Good or bad! Take it all in stride.
If you know you worked hard to save for your wedding, and it was the wedding you always dreamed of. Let no one, including your cousin, steal that away from you. You had a right to have any kind of wedding you ever wanted. How you paid for your wedding is nobody's business. Do you not think people realize she's jealous to be bad-mouthing you?
Love her from a distance. If people believe her rumors and lies; nothing you can do change that. They'll believe what they want to believe; if they don't particularly care for you and your husband. Your cousin probably cherry-picked people she knew would be more receptive; and likely to spread her rumors, and happy to hear her gossip. That speaks volumes about her, and the people who want to believe the worst about you.
Don't dignify her pettiness with a confrontation. Take the high-road. If people believe what she says, what are you going to do? Hold a press-conference to undo the rumors? Those who don't like you will probably still believe the gossip. Then what?
Now you know this cousin isn't really a fan of yours. Kill her with kindness. Behave as if you're totally unaware of the rumors and gossip. That neutralizes the poison in her arrows. This nonsense will pass with time. Obviously, yours was the better wedding; or she wouldn't be making all the effort to throw shade about it.
Leave this mess alone, my dear. It will fade into nothingness. All that will be left, is the memories of how lovely your wedding was. It was a beautiful event for the bride and groom as you will recall it for the rest of your lives. Besides, this was all nearly three years ago! Why on earth would you address it now???
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