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anonymous
writes:Summer 2012, I got married for the first time at age 52 to a 37 year old woman. We met on eHarmony Spring 2012 and things just clicked. She was married once before for two years and has a 20 year old son. I have a 19 year old daughter. My issue is that I think something might be going on between her son and my daughter. They play video games together til 4am, are always in each other's rooms "studying", stealing glances at each other when they think we're not looking, and generally touching each other more than step siblings should. They go to the same college and even met each other before my wife and I met. Considering all this, I wonder if I may have taken their happiness by marrying my step son's mother? My wife has brought this up as well and it bothers me. I've never been married before and I feel guilty about taking my teenage daughter's happiness from her. As a 52 year old man, I feel silly about this but my daughter comes first in everything. Been like that since she was born and her mother abandoned us. What should I do?
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female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 I can understand feelings on all sides here. It may well have been very awkward for your daughter and stepson when you married your wife, but if you and your wife love each other then the marriage was worth it. What you should make clear to your daughter and stepson is that if they want to be in a relationship together, then you support them, on the agreement that should they part ways, they wouldnt let is affect their relationship between yourself and your wife. Do you all live together? If so, things will probably get easier over time when your daughter and stepson move out. However, I dont think you should stop them from being together if they want to, as theyre young adults, and it would be wrong to treat their relationship as less important than yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): You haven't done anything to take her happiness away, if you ask me it sounds like she's very happy with her new family. Just remember she's an adult now and her relationships are really none of your concern. If they want to sneak around, fine, pretend you know nothing and hope they don't make a mistake that makes things so obvious that you or your wife have to give an opinion.
OP they're both adults, they're not related and you really don't know what they're up to or what's going on.
Trust her to make the right choices. She probably will.
You've done nothing wrong, just mind your own business on this unless something obvious happens and you have to react other than she sounds happy with her life OP, I don't see any problem.
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reader, ImAStar888 +, writes (6 December 2012):
I did this once, when I was a teenager, I dated a guy who was the nephew of the woman my father was dating. Oddly enough, it sort of worked out because it made it more convenient for me to see him. My Dad let me do my thing and didn't really bug me about it. It only got weird when he and his girlfriend broke up before my boyfriend and I did. But I get the feeling that even if things had worked out, we'd be fine. Sure people would look at us funny when they found out the familial relationship, but once your kids get older and maybe get married and get their own place together, no one is going to care.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 December 2012):
 They aren't siblings. They are step siblings. I see nothing wrong in it.
THOUGH if it doesn't work out it can become rather awkward for the whole mixed family.. Such is life.
Let the two of them figure it out. It might end up jsut being a fling.. Chill and relax.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 December 2012):
 Doesn't it sound obvious that you and your wife met and fell in love, so perhaps her son and your daughter have the same kind of connection.
They arn't related by blood and haven't grown up together, so I don't see a problem in them dating...might be a bit akward if they split but that's a risk anyone takes.
There are a lot of different kind of relationships in the world today this is just another one.
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female
reader, darkgir12 +, writes (6 December 2012):
 I think that if your daughter met her step-brother before she knew that that was going to happen and I think you should let them be together because you have to let go of her at some point in her life. She's a growing girl and if you believe the way you raised her is right then she'll come back to when she wants to.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 December 2012):
 How did you take her happiness away ? They are not blood related, they can date and even marry if they want.
I would understand that it could be a big uncomfortable deal if they had been step- siblings growing up together under the same roof as little children, and getting together as adults, that could feel weird and vaguely incestuous regardless.
But they just met ,at 19 and 20, if they met through their parents is no weirder, IMO, than if they had meet through friends or on the Web.
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reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (6 December 2012):
 My grandmother got married to my grandfather. About a year later, her dad married her husband's mother. So my grandmother's mother in law was also her stepmother. Things like that do happen. As SVC stated, it might be a little unusual, but no one is doing anything wrong. In my grandparent's case, their parents had both lost their spouses and they just fell in love. A little weird, but not creepy weird. Don't worry about it too much. If they want to be together, who would they be hurting?
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2012):
 How have you taken her happiness?
I am sensing you think that because they are step siblings they can't have their own relationship? Of course they can
there is no legal wrongdoing in this.
heck they knew each other first so in truth if they hit it off she would have been with him first and then introduced you to the woman that is your wife.
Sure society might frown on it but since they did NOT grow up together I have no issues with it.
there is no legal or moral wrongdoing as far as I can see.
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