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DId I ruin a good thing by commenting on his social media and being petty?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 September 2018) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hey guys, I'm in a dilemma with a guy.

So the beginning of August, I start talking to this college athlete that goes to the neighboring school. Everything is great, affection, attention, dates, sex and spending time. Until about a week ago, he posted a picture on social media. Under this picture, there were girls commenting, so I liked the comments. It was petty and wrong and I knew I shouldn't have. I said nothing of it to him until he brought it up later that night, we had a conversation about it but that was it. However, after that we spend a day together then the communication slows down. No more nightly facetimes, good morning, goodnights only dry texting. Eventually I figure out he unfollowed me on social media. He told me something was going on in his personal life thats why communication slowed and that he unfollowed me for liking those girls comments. I recently realized he just got out of a long relationship as well. Did I ruin everything by being petty? Did I scare him off? Did he never actually like me? Should I just leave him alone altogether and move on? I really like him and was very hurt.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2018):

You weren't exclusive, but you marked him as yours online. Yes, it was petty, but it also showed him you're not understanding how casual this sex and hanging out was.

The sex wasn't worth the drama to him. You "claimed" him when you had only just started testing the waters - doesn't even really seem like dating if you already started having sex. Don't get me wrong, you can have sex at whatever point you want - just that it seems like it was more of a FwBs situation, where you hang out and have sex too.

You were jealous of girls commenting on his pictures, but you barely know him. He probably felt suffocated and decided it wasn't worth it if you were already behaving like this, when he's still unattached, just casually seeing you.

Let him go and learn from your mistakes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2018):

Social media , ughhh , it's the highlight of the ego filled persons life !

Look he obviously enjoys lots of female attention and doesn't want a woman who's goung to be bothered by that . Like you I would be immediately suspicious of someone who needs all this attention . I wouldn't have liked the comments , I just would have quietly backed away and realised he's an attention monger who's not serious about a relationship

You dodged a bullet , be happy . Next time you meet a guy and he has a harem of women followers , don't comment just run

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (11 September 2018):

Anonymous 123 agony auntI personally think that he's being a tad overdramatic...I mean this is really no great reason to break something off just like that. But then it goes to show you what you mean to him and I think whatever happened was for the best because at least you won't be wasting any more time here.

Don't pursue him any more. You've given him a big enough ego boost as it is. He's made it clear that he's not interested. You "liking" the comments was just a catalyst because I don't think he wanted anything serious in any case... With or without this incident happening.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 September 2018):

N91 agony auntYes probably.

Who wants to feel like they’re being watched on social media and having their activity stalked? Interaction with the other sex doesn’t mean they’re attracted to each other so it’s extremely childish for you to have reacted the way that you did.

I think your actions made him realise that you’re after something serious and that those comments made you jealous. He on the other hand is looking for casual as he’s freshly single. I think his excuse was an easy way out of things.

So yes, you should move on. This one is over.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2018):

I get why you did it, OP.

You are feeling used and cast aside by this jerk! So, you were trying to assert yourself. Show him that you notice what a jerk he is. We women get attached after sex and that's why you claimed your territory. If he didn't like it, he shouldn't have been so quick to unzip his pants! I don't blame you. But I do think you need to move on.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 September 2018):

I guess this all depends on what was being said that you felt some compulsion to indicate your "like" for each one of them. If they were critical or unpleasant; I guess that would cause some pause or trepidation on his part. Otherwise; it seems it might be petty, just based on your motive.

What was the point?

It would look as if you're spying and tracking/stalking him on social media, and "marking your territory." You're not an official-couple. If you post publicly; contacts or other links to those contacts, even strangers will randomly comment. The appearance that you liked each of them; would indicate some sort of signal that you're irritated. As if you were passive-aggressively admonishing him for receiving attention from other females. It's not just petty, it's presumptuous. Uncool!

Sex was added to the equation; before an established commitment. You might feel a little used and let-down.

So you are disguising your resentment; and expressing it through passive-aggressive childish-signals. Now he is about to brush you off; assuming you're a potential psycho-stalker.

Athletes and beauty-queens are prime-targets for fatal-attractions, or stalkers. Beauty and popularity has it's drawbacks. Then there's their vanity and egos you have to contend with. You know what I mean?

He has the option to shrug-it-off and dismiss it. It's really not that big of a deal, in my opinion. If he's blowing you off and turning tepid; I'd take a hint, and dump him first. I've too much pride and self-respect to grovel or suck-up to people giving me the cold-shoulder.

"Go kiss a mirror Adonis! I get-it!" Perhaps it was just about the sex. No strings attached!

Screw the conceited bastard. Dump him! Please delete him completely from record, and expunge his messages. Let him go! Let no man snub you like a pesky fan! It's beneath your dignity.

Don't stalk! Repeat...DO NOT STALK HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA! That too is far beneath your dignity!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (10 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly I fail to understand why you would do that. I am married and I would never dream off liking comments that people have wrote to my husband. He is not my property so why would I respond to comments that where for him. I can understand totally why this has messed things up for you. He is not long out off a relationship so therefore I think you liking these comments probably turned him off because you are both still only dating. He is probably thinking things will only get worse if he continues to date you. In fairness it was a silly thing for you to do. Maybe next time you are dating someone take things slower and don't get so involved in what other people are saying to them. That is there personal life and I am sure these girls where wondering why on earth you would be liking there comments like you have some hold over him.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntBeing petty is never "pretty" or "classy".

While you are being pretty vague about what those girls said (that you "liked") - obviously he took it as you being into drama. Now if the comments of these girls weren't mean or hurtful to him... and YOU didn't "like" their comments to hurt him... then I'd say HE is the one with the issue.

If he just got out of a long term relationship maybe being in a serious relationship is not what he wants and instead of telling you he is just slowly dropping you from his life.

Should you leave him be?

Yes.

You have only been talking to him a month, no big loss.

Next time, I'd say don't get involved so FAST into a guy's life and his social media.

Is it all your fault? I doubt it. While he might have used the "personal life issues" as a "nice" way to let you down and "dump" you - it might also be that he just doesn't see a future with you.

THAT is what DATING is for. To see if the other person is a good match or not.

So just block, remove and delete his info.

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