A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month now, things are good. He has his kids every weekend so that kinda sucks but all and all he is nice.. I haven't met his kids yet but it's a bit soon for that. Anyway I told him that I haven't had sex for 2 years and explained my ex' was sexually abusive. He was very supportive. We got into a hot make out session the other night and I told him we could not have sex without the condom. He agreed but then took the condom off. I told him I can't and he just kept on and ended up cuming in his hand. I got upset and started crying. Was this my fault? Should I have been firmer.. I wanted to push him off but I just froze. Did he assault me? I'm confused and upset. He kept saying sorry that it was his fault. I could tell he felt bad. Should I never see him again? Any input would help. I just feel disrespected and like I should have been firmer. Thanks for reading.
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (18 August 2017):
I'm no expert in this, but what he is doing is a very shady practice, IMHO.
What if he has an STD? Will he do the right thing and pay for your treatment? If he gets you pregnant, will he be a good father or pay his share of the responsibility?
I honestly think it's a red flag on this guy, because it seems that you can't trust him with the most basic task: wearing a condom the whole session.
I'm no lawyer, and I can't tell if this is rape or not, but I think we can all agree that he is taking advantage of your trust.
If you want to stay with him in this relationship, you need to be alert all the time, because he may always be doing stuff on the background without your consent.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 August 2017):
 Did he cross a line? Obviously, YOU feel he did.
Yes, you should have been firmer but he ALSO should have respected what you said.
Personally? This would be the end of it for me. I would not date this guy any longer. There is just such a HUGE lack of respect going on.
One of our uncles mentioned a "trend" called "stealthing" (I'll link to it below) where guys take off the condom during sex. Some men do it on purpose and some because they "feel" they can't finish WITH the condom on.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/3416046/victims-stealthing-shocking-experiences-condom/
It is a NON-consensual act. You did NOT consent to have sex WITHOUT a condom.
Would I press charges? Personally? No. You have already dealt with ONE sexually abusive relationship so I would end it with this guy and be telling him WHY it's over. That you felt disrespected, upset and betrayed. there is NO excuse for his actions.
I'd just dump him and move on.
Next time you meet a guy? Don't hold him to what other men did. BUT set a standard and stick to it. Don't accept behavior that isn't OK with you. (like taking the condom off halfways through). You don't know if he has any STD's. Using a condom is SMART on BOTH ends.
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A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984  +, writes (18 August 2017):
Dump him. He does not respect your sexual health.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (18 August 2017):
You could not have been clearer. In some countries removing a condom during sex is a crime. In others you must knowingly be infected with an STD for it to be a crime. Regardless of whether it was criminal this he did it without your consent.If he is willing to do this, what else is he willing to do without your consent?
He is a man that thinks he can take what he likes from a woman. Do not spend another moment with him. Do not listen to his words of explanation- his actions must lead you to believe that he thinks he is entitled to do what he wants to women. One thing is true- it is his fault. Tell him he needs to seriously reevaluate how he treats women or he will find himself in prison, or in fact worse really hurting someone else.
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A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 Its called "stealthing". If it is not an offence it sure as hell should be. Your body your rules-simple! So yes he did cross the line and I would consider it to be sexual assault.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (18 August 2017):
 If you can't trust him, then you should never be in a situation like that again with him.
I'm not completely understanding what happened but, if I am reading your post right, he was having intercourse with you without a condom, then it is possible you could get pregnant, even if he didn't ejaculate inside you. Also you could have caught an STD from him. Please go and see your doctor about both possibilities.
If you told him no and he carried on and had intercourse with you, then he raped you. Whatever happened, it does not sound good and I would run a mile from a man like that.
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