A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband literally acts like I'm invisible he never hugs/kisses me or shows me any love at all. I've asked him over and over what's wrong or whether he still loves me he just says that he does love me yet never changes. I even asked him if he was cheating yesterday which he denied. I can't be married to someone who shows me no love. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get him to be more affectionate? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 August 2017):
 I guess it's different of this coldness just showed up at some point out of the blue or if he always was unaffectionate.
Every change, particularly sudden changes, means something. Not necessariy something negative like cheating, but if a person , for no apparent reason, change his ways and usual demeanour, there is always something going on under the surface . Maybe depression, money worries, stress, whatever- i.e. not something YOU have done or directly related to you, but still, something.
If instead he always was an unaffectionate, undemonstrative, unemotional type- isn't it a bit late in the day to notice and to complain about it ? If this is who he is- you knew him and you took him regardless, with open eyes. Maybe this is not your case at all, but there's a lot of people who marry a partner who shows traits which are clearly incompatible with theor own wants and needs- in the hidden hope or conviction they'll make him/ her change. It seldom , or never, works. And I doubt that it should work. People are who they are, deep down, and they should be loved , respected and accepted for who they are, warts and all. If being with someone cuddly, effusive and affectionate is a priority for you, now I can't see other solutions than either change YOUR priorities, not the way he is emotionally- or part ways .
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (19 August 2017):
 He's obviously taking you for granted or it's not in his nature or natural for him to show affection in hugs/kisses. Yet a man can show he cares for and connects with his wife in other ways... does he help with the chores, do repairs around the house, take you out, bring home your favourite treat, make you a cuppa, compliment you or does he sit on his arse after work, watch TV, expect dinner on the table by 5 p.m. and a good night shag?
The later would be treating you as invisible and he would be in dire need of a swift kick up the backside; a severe reminder that you are not his slave nor to be ignored of your needs!
Yet some men develop these infuriating habits because the wife did not take charge in the beginning to nudge hubby in the right direction. Hubby will sit and sit and sit while you grow frustrated and starved for affection and attention.
How to break a man from years of developing this habit is going to be hard. You’ll have to stop being the nice guy and waiting for him to start. I don't think there's anything in the books to say e.g., you can’t snuggle into him on the couch and you wrap his arm around you for him to get the picture?
Of course this is going to be foreign to you both at first, but let's hope its one small step towards getting what you need and want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): I'm not going to tell you just to give up on affection . I'm especially not going to say you need to forget about it because of your age . Emotional support and affection are to women , like sex is to many men . We see men come on here saying their wives deny them sex and peoplevare quick to talk about 'men's needs' and to tell him to leave or even take anliver , bit women have a huge need for the type of affection that comes from an intimate partner and no one seems to care when a Man denies a woman that
I would ask him to come to therapy . Express that you cannot and will not live without affection . Then let him decide and follow through
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (18 August 2017):
Hello OP,Has he always been that way? Or is that recent and/or suspicious? How have your sexual life been on the past few years? If you saw a sudden change in his behavior, then either he is cheating you, or having personal problems, or he is loosing interest on you. Has your physical aspect changed? Have you pulled in weight, or have more wrinkles or visible signs of ageing? Some guys sadly don't like the way their partners look as they age, so this could also be an explanation. Some guys value their partners physical appearance more than their partners as a person, as a whole. We all age, we all change as we get older, but some guys refuse to accept that fact.My advice to you: GO TO THERAPY, PLEASE. You need a good source of information on these kind of situations. This therapist can help you cope and handle this situation.And please remember, YOU CAN'T CHANGE A PERSON, you can only change YOURSELF. You are the only part of your life that you can 100% control, so stop trying to change your husband because that will end up badly.Best luck!
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A
male
reader, PJ Roy  +, writes (18 August 2017):
Well, you can start with stop living for someone to hug/kiss or show you any love at all.Ask yourself, I'm close to half-way through my life expectancy. Being married notwithstanding, who is the best *Me* that Life calls me to be at this point in time?And, Lady, go do exactly that. You can be guaranteed that whatever happens, you'll have no regrets."do not fear. you are more than ready for anything."
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