A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last year my niece turned three years olf. She had an amazing birthday party with lots of family and gifts. My sister just confessed that she was upset with the fact I did not get her than 3 year old a gift. My niece is turning four soon and my sister expects me to get a gift for her. Last year I was in college and living on student loans. This year I am finally working again. Yes, I do enjoy the money but I only make $700 a week so I really strech the dollar to pay student loans back, save for a newer car, and to save for mini vacations.The point is I can get my niece something but than my sister will demand a particular expensive toy. This year two other neices from another sister are turning 16 and I want to get them something nice. I can't afford awesome gifts for everyone and I think it is dumb to get expensive toys for little kids that are not my own. Last but least I think it is amazingly rude and selfish when parents demand gifts for their kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for letting me see both sides of the situation. As stated I think this behavior is rude but now I can see how my sister may think I am rude by prioritizing my niece further down the list. I will talk to my sister, acknowledge how she feels, & apologize for hurting her feeling. However, I will explain I will buy gifts at my own discretion and budget.
Thank You!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Well... tbh, I don't know .
Yes, I think too that soliciting gifts is rude , and asking for a specific pricey gift, even worse.
In fact, I am so adamant about this that I even refused to make a wedding gift list in some store when I got married, although it was perfectly normal, acceptable and all my friends did- nevertheless , I could not get myself to tell people " buy me this buy me that for X money ". I preferred to leave it at their complete discretion .
Then again, I confess that if I were your sister, probably I would be pissed too. Might as well wearing a badge with " I don't give a fuck about my little niece " What, her 3rd birthday, and you could not scrape up a few bucks for a token gift from your student loans ? As if shelling out 10 or 20 bucks would postpone of a lot the repayment.
The problem is not the money ( 700 a week X 4.3 weeks a month is 3100 thousands a month , there's people that have to raise FAMILIES on that budget, .. and they do. ) The problem is that you have many many other priorities before your niece, and , while of course it's your money and you have the right to do with it just exactly what you want and what suits you best, - if I were your sister, humanly I could not help but being disappointed and a little hurt that your own family members are so very low in your list of priorities. You cannot give a nice gift to your kid niece because you are " saving for mini vacations " ? Simple, take less mini vacations, or shorten just one of ONE day, and you 'll see you can come up with the most top-notch Barbie ever .
And yes, it may be dumb to buy expensive ( but HOW expensive are we talking, actually ? ) toys for a kid that's not even your own, but maybe it is not so dumb to do something special for a child who's dear to your heart and have her jump for joy. Some people actually enjoy that- at the cost of a little " ouch " to their wallets.
Now, being generous and /or family oriented is not mandatory , and your sister is wrong and clumsy in try to force these things out of you , she shouldn't... but yeah, I can see why she was upset last year and why she'll be this year . It is true that it's the thought that counts, not the price - but the thought should not be " Little niece's birthday ? Oh damn. Groan. 30 more bucks down the drains "
I know that for now this does not make any sense to you, maybe it will make sense a little more the day you get married, if your sister shows up in church with a box of homemade cookies and tells you " You know, sis, I 'd really wanted to get you something very nice for your wedding- but then I decided to get myself a boob job first. So, get these cookies, what counts is the thought ".
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Buy the kid a gift within your budget.
Its unreasonable for your sister to demand you buy her kid an expensive gift when the child is 4 years old and will probably not want it by the time she is 5 anyway (that's assuming she doesn't misplace it or break it before then).
Screw what your sister says and thinks, its the thought that counts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): What about the two older children. Whom are not your own .. You may be put out by your sisters reaction.. And I agree it's a bit OTT but your attitude at the end reaks a little.. If you can't buy for one then don't buy for any no matter what their age.. As you are only showing what is known as favoritism I'm sure you can stretch to something reasonable but very lovely.. She is four.. My daughter whom is five cherish all her gifts not matter how big or small.. I like the fact that she can remember who gave her what even back to when she was three .. In our home is not the gift that counts but the thought behind it.. Find out what the little one likes and do your best..
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 July 2013):
Just buy something you can afford. The gift is for your niece not the parents lol :) Just make sure it is quality. Ignore your sister, you can not please everyone.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2013):
 That is ridiculous. Buy her something YOU can afford and that you think she will like and SCREW what your sister thinks.
Unless your sister have raised her to be a spoiled brat, she will be happy with anything wrapped prettily.
If she complains, I'd just tell her:" sorry, this is what I can afford."
I remember one of my kids being invited to a birthday for a school mate and the invitation had a list of gift wishes all over $45 - I'm sorry, I don't spend more then $20 on 6-7 year old kids/schoolfriends - so I bought something else that fit OUR budget and didn't give a F. The kid was happy so that is all that matters.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (3 July 2013):
 it is rude and selfish. i can't imagine demanding someone buy me or my non-existent kid a gift. i'm not a materialistic person, though, so those things don't ever matter to me so i never understand when they matter to others, either.
but you should afford to get her whatever it is you can feasibly pay for. if you can't afford it, don't get her anything. or if you can only afford something somewhat cheap, get her that. let her get pissed. she's just childish, apparently.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2013):
 I agree with EWO get the 4 yr old a gift for her that you find acceptable and within your budget. or maybe two a small toy that will eventually break and maybe a nicer book that she will treasure for years...
if your sister is RUDE enough to demand a gift to HER liking, let her know that it's not about HER but rather your NIECE.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2013):
 Buy the 4 year old whatever you feel you can afford and leave at that. If your sister is rude enough to complain then just ignore her.
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