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age
36-40,
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writes: I'm 26 years old female and have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. At the age of 14-19 I had an older guy friend who I was obsessively in love with, like if he asked me to ditch my whole family and friends and run away with him I'd most likely do it, luckily he didn't take advantage of me being so naive and nothing concrete ever happened between us. Due to certain circumstances I hardly even remember properly we fell apart and didn't stay in any kind of touch - it's been 7 years since I last saw him.I've basically never been in a serious relationship and I've been avoiding guys who I start liking, having only shallow and mostly sexual encounters, I even almost totally stopped doing that a few years ago because it became too anxiety provoking for me. At times I feel like I'm ready to "get over it" and start dating someone but I always lose the desire to do that when an actual opportunity presents itself. I find myself being too picky (it's not a matter of how they look as much as how they behave), unable to connect with possible partners, even prepared to the possibility of never again experiencing any kind of romantic activity, maybe not even casual sex. Still at times I literally vividly dream of having a relationship, being close to someone in that way, I can't help but thinking I'm missing out on it at least a bit.Still, I remember that 1st guy, those 5 years and the time after that, having high hopes of us ending up together, imagining myself with no one else but him, and then it all shattering and leaving me devastated, it was pretty painful and I was even struggling with suicidal thoughts, really took me a while to get over it and it's a question if I ever completely did. Over the years I've been wondering what's up with him and been doing a routine checkup of whether he opened up a facebook account every couple of months or so. Tonight, I actually ran onto his profile, he did open it in the meantime!All kinds of emotions ran through my head as I was checking his profile out, he has a son now and seems to be divorced. One part of me felt like sending him a request right away, and another one felt like blocking him and trying to forget all about it.I'm wondering would it be better for me to get in touch, maybe at least talk things through with him and get some kind of a closure, hook up if he's interested, or even discover that I'm not at all attracted to him anymore, it would feel like unchaining myself I think. Or would it be better for me to avoid the possible embarrassment, re-kindling old unrequited feelings, obsessive thinking about it all (because I'm the kind of person who obsessively thinks even about making a much simpler choice such as which shoes to buy), and simply block him?Either way I feel like I can't simply leave things the way they are now that I've found a casual way of contacting him (I had an option of doing it via his phone number but never tried) - it would simply be too stressful for me, and I really need help in deciding which of the two choices would be better for me? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 September 2014):
 I can't help but wonder what's so special about that guy. Maybe he has the quality to make you open up. He's different from the others. You and him used to feel like you were two partners in crime, for life. If you feel so stressed about him not being interested, it could be because it's hard for you to find a life match, and it confirms that the prospect for a relationship is slim.
You have to identify a type that makes you fall in love easy and not trigger your avoiding thoughts. I honestly don't think it's so hard to find such a person. I would not contact that man again because I don't go back to exes. It makes me look desperate as if there is no one else and I could only feel comfortable with people I know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): Would you really want to open up the past again? Also he will not be the same person he was when you met him he would of changed in someway.
But I know what you are going through I havent had a serious relationship in years since my long relationship. I don't know they just don't grip me or I will find minor issues and not be bothered. I find myself way to picky. I have read somewhere it's because I am scared to get in a serious relationship to avoid being hurt but it just feels like I don't ever meet anyone who grips me as much. Good luck but I wouldn't go back to him if I was you
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