A
female
age
30-35,
*inicky One
writes:There's this guy I've met offline and he and I are 12 years apart. I don't know if it's the age difference or my immaturity that's causing him to shun me for my behavior. We were texting about sex and he said he could tame me and I started talking a lot of playful mess. He started taking my smack-talking literally and voiced how I'm being an a*sshole because I keep digging deeper and deeper into my sh*t talking with regard to how he doesn't like it. I don't understand. I was just playing with him and I voiced how I thought he was playing back. Should I just keep that part of me to myself?
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female
reader, Finicky One +, writes (6 September 2014):
Finicky One is verified as being by the original poster of the question Right. Tough cookies is the stat men for him.I see he must want a submissive woman who will bend at his every will. He would act like a supportive figure until he feels like I've wronged him. Then he would try to sum up what he "thinks" he know about me and my "type" as if it's true. I try to tell this fool why I say something and I even apologies; not because I'm wrong but because I don't think it's worth a huge argument over something like this. If I can't play with my man like that, then I don't want him. Most guys like that end up being super controlling over their women. Next.I just wanted another's perspective on this kind of playfulness.Thanks, again. :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 September 2014):
 Good thing that you have some common sense :)
You are right that he doesn't know you, you don't know him. I think he is a little bit in fantasy land? He likes the IDEA of you, but ONLY as HE want to see you. If that makes sense? That could easily explain why he got miffed when you voiced an opinion different from what HE wanted you to feel/think/be.
I don't think, by the way, you did/said anything WRONG. You stated an opinion (yours) and he didn't like it. Tough cookies for him.
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A
female
reader, Finicky One +, writes (6 September 2014):
Finicky One is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneyPie, thank you! I know better than to allow someone to try to "mold" me. He use to be married and claimed his wife cheated on him and he haven't been sexual for half a year. He doesn't play with me sexually over the phone or ask for any inappropriate pictures.
He would always speak about him caring about me and how I'm important to him. Maybe I should be creeped out. Ditch him, too, cause I don't understand how a person can claim someone, they haven't known an appropriate amount of time, as very important. I don't succumb. I have my own mind and express the contents accordingly. But that makes me an A-hole cause I'm "trying to piss someone off."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 September 2014):
Yea, I agree he can dish out, but he can't take it.
My guess is he wanted to "groom" you to be his perfect little sex toy and when you showed you actually have a mind and will on your own, he lost interest.
I think he was having a fantasy of you being this "virginal" "girl" that he would "tame" and mold" into a quivering pile of sex kitten.
He sounds like a douche-canoe. MAybe he's read a little too deep into Lolita. Or the story of O.
You you might want to remember him having 12 years on you doesn't make him more experiences or more mature.
I'd say ditch him if he can't handle WHO you are.
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A
female
reader, Finicky One +, writes (6 September 2014):
Finicky One is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, thank you for responding; much appreciated.
I haven't known this guy a full month yet but he resides in another state. I usually don't take things to heart, however, I'm trying to notice my own behaviors through another's perspective to see if it's truly something wrong with my character.
You're correct, it does feel like double standards. Over the phone he said that he didn't like sh*t talkers that don't know if what they're talking about is true. He felt he could really "tame" me sexually because of his longer sexual experiences. But I didn't get upset just because he feels confident in himself.
You are correct; he may not be for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): Sounds like he likes to dish it out but can't take it. People like that are a dime a dozen, and not generally good relationship or even friend material, IMO. And talking about "taming" you (which could come across as offensive unless he's really being playful) and then having a go at you for responding in kind indicates double standards.You shouldn't have to change yourself for a guy to like you. Especially given the age difference. Don't label yourself "immature" - he sounds like the immature one in this scenario! Just because he's 12 years older than you doesn't automatically make him more knowledgeable.If you don't mind me asking, why are you even with this guy, and how long have you been dating for? The fact that you're already thinking about how he's "shunning you for your behaviour", not being able to be yourself and considering "keeping that part of you to yourself", and that he's OK with speaking to you a particular way but gets upset when you speak back to him that way, doesn't make it seem like a great prospect - for you, not him.Hope this helps. Best of luck :)
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