A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:So I would like to ask what should I do about my terrible sex life, 2 years ago I caught my husband watching porn and wanking behind my back, apparently this had gone on for years of our married life in secret and led to him not wanting to have sex with me for months at a time, of course that didn’t go down very well with me and I told him he had to give that up and try harder in the bedroom, which he did,he was told he was a sex addict by a counsellor that we went to see just the once, we managed to have sex again, although it was and still seems to be a problem for him, he has to concentrate hard otherwise it goes floppy, he only seems to be able to have sex and not make love, like no foreplay, he can’t be bothered, so since Christmas we have managed to have sex like once, the other four times he has gone floppy, now when this used to happen before he would finish with his hand and no consideration for me, but the last few times he hasn’t even bothered doing that. So I have asked him if he would like me to arrange an appointment at the doc’s to get some pills to help, and he refused saying that he is "ok for the time being", and that he "can’t be bothered with sex", what man tells his wife he can’t be bothered with sex, so I asked him if he was up to his tricks again coz this is how he was before when he was watching porn and wanking, and of course he said NO, and I know that he is not seeing anybody else so it is not that, and he says that he still fancies me, I have kept myself trim, we have been married for 32 years, he never lets me initiate sex ever, and is not interested in me dressing up for him all of which I have been willing to do, so he either really does have a medical condition causing it to go floppy or he is back to his old behaviours but I have never come across any evidence in the house this time, like I did last time, and if he thought it was something that the doc could help with why isn’t he hotfooting up there to get some magic pills, so my question is what do I do, live the rest of my life like this with an awful sexlife which to be honest has always been rubbish, or give him an ultimatum either it's the doc's or the solicitors.
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christmas, foreplay, porn, sex addict, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): hi sweetie,I think that maybe you both need time to talk, ask him if you can watch the porn together, has he got bored.take a short holiday just the two of you, walk talk laugh, do something crazy, talk over how you got together, and tell each other what you love about them. but keep sex of the burner for now unless he pursues it with you, i know that sounds hard, i am also very sexual and i'm 50, and you can masterbate yourself for now. maybe buy in some flavoured lube, run abath for you both, enjoy use oil, just be intimate but do not pressurise, i'm sure he will get there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Dear lady
At the age of 50's, my advice will certainly not be to kill your 32 years of marriage and memeries and kill your family. it is time that you will want to have daughter in law and son in law and focus on their happy life.
What i feel is that you need to understand that he is not now 32 year before guy. he is 50 + guy. So do not give him more pressure on sex, coz, it is normal that mental pressure will eat his erections and result will be same as what you saw. I would certainly ask consider you that reason may be you only. So try different thing.. do not give any pressure and any rough talking. Just be a normal wife. My take is that he will come back to normal on it's own.
Never in life time you should consider the divorce in my view. it will be make your self and him self worse and both will kill the full family. If it is the age then you need to live with that any way. Most of the husbands are having problems due to lack of interest in sex from their wife, but they still remian faithful to their wife and adjust with that. They do not shoot ultimatums. you need to consider reviewing your fundamentals rather than his.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): if he isnt interested in sex anymore then why was he masturbating to porn.
I think hes just embarrised that he cant stay hard anymore, this is usually caused by poor diet, lack of any real fitness or over masturbating. seems everyone is quick to jump on the psychology train every time there is an issue.
But I think if you put him on a diet and get some excercise together, you will be getting that familiar feeling again
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I think you need to divorce. It seems you only care about sex anyway and jeeze after 32 years familiarity breeds contempt. I mean at this rate you wont get anything better so you might as well be alone.
Sounds like awful advice, huh? IT IS..
just like all the terrible advice below. Idiots who condone cheating, providing ultimatums, etc.....
You ever think of a marriage counselor? You ever stop to think that it may not be him!
Try looking in the mirror and understand that after 32 years he just may not be into you anymore, and then deal with it
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I doubt that any pills that the doctor could give him are going to completely solve his attitude problem.
I think that you are within your rights to tell him that if he doesn't take care of you then you'll have to find others that will. Isn't that what tennis coaches and window cleaners are for?
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A
female
reader, smitheroon +, writes (4 March 2010):
 I would definitely give him an ultimatum. I'm assuming you're early in your early fifties and that's far too young to just shrug off the rest of your life. You're not just not having sex, it sounds like you don't have any intimacy either. Relationships are about give and take and he's not doing his share.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 March 2010):
I think it's ultimatum time. You've already discussed it with him, and he's done nothing. It can be embarrassing for men to have to discuss this, but at the same time he can't expect you to not have sex for the rest of your life. so yes, give him the ultimatum.
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