A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:My friend always comments on how I'm so confident and always awes at my body. I love her but I think she has huge insecurity issues always talking about girls around us that happen to be beautiful and look good. however she still has a good heart. But I've been dating this guy for a while and I've been confiding in her but she keeps judging him about everything.He wanted to take me out and she was like oh but you have work to do, doesn't he know that?! I ended up going and her boyfriebd was there and she said "me and Adam (her bf) are staying and getting takeaway, how boring?" The guy I am seeing sent me a funny voice note of him and his friends drinking and stuff and she said " did you hear a girls voice?!"She always wants to know about my relationship but she never tells me about hers.She recently told me her boyfriend of 6 years said he thinks shes comfortable and doesn't really love him (they're in a long distance now because of uni. Thats about it though. She flirts with other guys a lot when shes drunk.Me and this guy i'm dating have had a few arguments and i'm starting to wish i didn't tell her anything because now she's now always quite rude about him. Also shes always asking about him, whether we're still dating and talking. Thats always a question if i haven't spoken to her for a while. I believe she compares her grades to me, always asking what I got and getting upset when she gets lower than mine (which is always the case. We live in the same accomodation and I've only known her for 3/4 months. And I feel like I cant get away from tell her stuff as she insists on knowing things only to dismiss his efforts. I'm 21 and she's 19 however I don't hold this against her. How do I avoid telling her things without making her feel bad. I'm outspoken and blunt but i dont want to cause tension as we live in the same place. What do I do? Do you think she's jealous?
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (12 January 2014):
I had a flatmate exactly like this at uni so I know what you're going through. The best way I can describe her is there was a bit of admiration and a bit of jealousy going on at the same time. For example, she was always complimenting my looks and personality and saying she wished she was more like me, but at the same time she would try to tear me down in weird ways too. I remember she went on a night out without me once and told me she'd seen the guy I was seeing kissing someone else, when he'd actually come round to mine and watched DVDs with me that night.It was like she thought I had it all (not true obviously) and she both admired it and wanted to be like that herself, but also wanted me to lose some of it too if that makes sense? As someone else said, I think it definitely stems from insecurity and there's not really much you can do I'm afraid. I eventually stopped telling my flatmate much because whatever I told her, good or bad, would eventually cause drama for me. So start being vague. If she asks about your boyfriend, just say things are fine and leave it at that. Same with grades and everything else. From now on, as far as she is concerned your life is 'fine' and that's it. She will probably push for more but don't give in to her. Be pleasant but share nothing. If she has no ammo she can't cause you any more stress. I know it's a nightmare and I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but there's really not any other choice. I've found that people like that also have a knack for twisting things to make you the bad guy to everyone else (oh Laura just snapped at me for no reason, why is she so mean to me?!) so if you can get through the time you have left in the same house with her with as little drama as possible it will be worth the effort.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (12 January 2014):
 There's quite a difference between insecure and jealous. This girl jus sounds terribly insecure. I doubt that she exclusively compares herself to you (jealousy), I am guessing that she compares herself to everybody else (insecurity). People who are awfully insecure have this weird thing that they like to do with people - they like to hear things that are going badly in your life, because it makes them feel a little bit better about themselves. When they hear all the things that are going well in your life, that leads to them feeling worse about themselves. This habit doesn't make them the greatest people to be around - those who revel in your misfortune.
Avoiding making her feel bad? She'll find a way. I'd just be honest as you can with her. No need to protect her. My advice is to not get too close to her and let her somehow pass off that insecurity to you! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2014): Maybe she wants you and works hard to let you know that nothing compares to her. By bringing others down she may want to tell you that she is the only one who cares best for you. She is also in awe about your body so some sort of lust may be there. These sorts of things may mean she wants a relationship with you.
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