A
female
age
26-29,
*ighheeledfeminist
writes:All right. So I am seventeen, and my supervisor where I volunteer is probably around 27. I don't know for certain but he's between 25 and 30. Before you go berserk, yes, I know there are many reasons a relationship between us would be inappropriate. Just hear me out :)When I fall for someone, truly fall for them, it's never really about appearances first...I need an emotional connection. Then I suddenly find I am attracted to someone. That's kind of what's happened with this guy--let's call him D. Oddly enough when I first met D about a year ago I didn't like him very much. He seemed kind of severe and terse. But soon as we got more comfortable with each other (I am the only volunteer here, then there are 4 staff members with the program, so we talk a lot and stuff) and I realized he's just kind of shy, and very reserved, but one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He is so wise, so sweet, and just such a good person. And he can be hilarious once he comes out of his shell. And, yes, NOW I would say he is quite attractive. :) Fit and muscular, pretty tall but not super tall.But all of THAT isn't super important. What IS, is that I've started to get the sense that he feels something about me too. Occasionally after we're done and the other three staff members have left he and I end up there alone, or we'll have a few minutes alone for some random reason during the day. He very deliberately keeps his distance from me physically but also as far as talking about personal things. But lately there has been this sort of tension, like I don't know quite how to describe it, our conversations are basically just like they always were, except the pauses seem longer, more meaningful, and he says my name more than he used to, I know that's weird but I notice it, like he says it like it's something he doesn't want to let go of. I really, really love him. I won't deny it. I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with him and never kiss him or have sex with him or anything (though I wouldn't complain about those things haha) but he as a PERSON means so much to me; I find myself with these inexplicable urges to just give him a hug and never let go, I want him in my life forever. But I know I can't have a relationship with him, and I don't plan to pursue him in any way. I just want to know if you think I'm crazy for believing he could love me too. Could a man who is 10 years older than me, in such a different place in his life, fall in love with me?
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female
reader, Fender  +, writes (17 November 2012):
Whiles these guys make all valid points. But to answer your first questions anything possible. Personally i thought falling love is a very strong word to used maybe a possible for attractions. Reading your story it really does take me, back. I was in the in the situations 5 years ago. Something that these guys need to understands. One the danger about volunteering is being surrounded by amazing people and sometime people can very easily confuse admiration with affection. We tend build a strong bond. And we have in with the work we do. I know this because, as volunteer/youth worker in training I fell for one the worker in my networking circle. We work lot workshop together.At one stage i was convinced he was the one for me. My question to you is why do you think you love him. Like said love strong word.He was back then everything you just described D. There a reason why his distance and does not disclose personal info because in way it is against the rules. It's called professional boundaries. Ask does he really treat me different. or just how you chose to see it. From exp us gals tend to over analyze and will make link that not there.FIve years i ago i ask those same question. Now the guy left sector for music, i went back to uni. He's gone grumpy n moody while i more let change my moral and ideal changes. Work really well could read each other faces. Now we dont think to each other.You never know what will happen both you a really young. Age is not a problem with me, but his position does
A
female
reader, Kristal23 +, writes (17 November 2012):
it is possible that he could . but, if he is the smart amazing person you think he is, he wont tell you or make any kind of move until you are of legal age .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 November 2012):
 You're not crazy. You have a crush. You don't love him. I know you think you do...
let me ask you these questions:
does he pay his bills on time?
does he keep his house clean?
how often does he bathe?
who are his friends?
what kind of music does he listen to?
what are his hobbies?
what kind of food is his favorite?
is he kind to his mom?
what about siblings?
does he have a drinking problem or a drug problem? (many alcoholics are very very functional (like my husband) and only folks who know them outside of work on a day to day basis will see this.
Heck you don't even know how old he is...
is he gay?
you know just a small part of him.... and that's fine. That's how we figure out who we are attracted to... and how we meet folks...
and you have a crush so you behave differently around him and I'm sure he's picking up on it... and it's flattering to have someone have a crush on you...
AND once you are over 25 a ten year gap is not that bad...but at your age it's HUGE... HUGE... and while he may think you are attractive, if he's a responsible adult his thought is "darn I wish she was older" and since you know each other from a work environment, he may (wisely) have a rule that he does not get involved with co-workers regardless of age.
he's probably flattered by your crush but if he's a properly mature man, that's all, he does not love you.
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A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (17 November 2012):
 what you think is love at your age isn't the same as his age. he can drink, drive and probably has to pay bills and rent. you arent legally mature for a reason. he's going to have to wait about 5 years till be can take you out to a club, bar etc! love is developed in a relationship through a lot of work which requires trust and respect and at your age your hormones are raging everywhere! :p I was exactly the same at your age, a hopless romantic and at the time I was crazy about my then current boyfriend who I wanted to marry and have children with. think those crazy things with someone your own age because it is very weird for someone his age to like you like that. why cant he get someone his own age?Also, you have your whole life ahead of you and what you want now is not what you'll want later. I'm 19 at the moment and I have changed and discovered a lot every year since I was 16. Plus, you don't even know if you can live with this guy. you can only truly know someone once you live with them happily and are okay with their bad habits. maybe he's addicted to porn? maybe he's really lazy? maybe a lot of things.just take it slow and get to know him well if you're serious!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Well my dad was 27 when he met my mom who was 17 and they fell in love and got married. That was in Eastern Europe though but regardless they still loved each other so you can't say it's not impossible.
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