A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please I need help. I am mature going to school, and working at the same time living my life like any individual do but I can't figure out what is happening to me. I met a guy about a month a go and everything was perfect in the beginning, he was calling me texting me and we had a talk about him smoking. He said he would stop but he was arguing about it because I wanted him to stop. All the sudden he stopped talking to me and I said why? He said we are two different people. And I said in what way and he said you don't like what I do. And I said to him what do u want? He said he doesn't know what he want and broke up with me. After two weeks he texted me saying he missed me and I said why did you miss me? And he said because I miss u. And I said but you said you don't know what you want. He said all I want is you in my life but nobody. And I said to him if you want to be with me be with me if not don't do this to me. Because he would disappear for like a week or so and text me all the sudden. I am confused. I told him that I don't want to hear from him and I don't want to him to text me or contact me but he still does. I asked him why you say the things you said and disappear and he said to me I have to relax. I can't figure him out and he did told me he is not ready to have a girlfriend but still text me. Please help me I need advice about this guy. Is he trying to do something like take control over my life? I want to move on. I like him but he is weird and just want to text me when he wants and misses me. Help please should I meet someone else? I really like him but he still said wants me but he is not ready and also said I can wait for him if I want and If I happen to be single by the time he is ready we can be together? Do you think he is lying to me or just telling what I want to hear? Please I need help.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 November 2013):
UNNECESSARY DRAMA! That is what he is.
If you don't want to date a smoker, then don't date one. But telling a guy you JUST met he has to quit to date you is, well ridiculous. You don't date someone who is "sorta OK" but if you can "just" change this or that about them they would be swell.. THAT is not how relationships works, might as well accept that now or you will be on in one or another frustrating relationship for the rest of your life.
He was bored so he texted you. It's a little EGO boost, this chick digs me, I'll chat he up, maybe I'll get lucky. He might sleep with you, but that will NOT make him want a GF.
Drop him 100%.
Find someone with the qualities you WANT. Not a "fixer upper".
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I really think he's just bored and texts you for a bit of attention. Don't take it personally because 1) he sounds like an odd ball and 2) he stated he's not ready for a relationship.
What do you like about him? He sounds like a complete pest?
Yes move on to some one who is already "ready", and a non-smoker since that's your preference (quite rightly).
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2013):
 Oh for heaven's sake, hit "delete" and ignore him. He's an absolute time-waster and you don't need his drama.
Yes, you should definitely meet someone else. No use waiting for a flake to get his act together, you'll be waiting a LOOOOOONNNNGGGG time.
Just delete the texts and don't spend any more time thinking about this guy, okay?
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 November 2013):
This is way too much drama for a month long relationship. Move on. Next time, don't even bother dating a smoker. I'm like you, I can't stand it and wouldn't want them to get sick if we were to have a long term relationship. But most smokers have a hard time quitting so I just assume stay away.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 He misses you when he's lonely at night and it's better to have a real person to talk to rather than drooling over a porn picture. A person who is wounded, too busy, or hung up on his ex, still want a companion. They don't become hermits just because they are not ready for a relationship. You don't wait for these people to become ready. People who are not ready should not be bothering others, tantalizing others about the idea of a relationship. In reality a lot of them do. They should get over the pain of loneliness by themselves. People who dip in and out leave you a bad impression and you would always wonder when they'll drown in their sorrows and disappear again. Don't become a gap filler or bandaid in anyone's lives. He's not necessarily lying but the truth is, when guys really really date, they make a good effort to bring out their best versions of themselves. They would hide their weaknesses. When you see their weaknesses it's over, because this is what friend-zoned girls are for. They want to show the hero face to a potential girlfriend. Guys want freedom but at the same time there is shame when they can't get their lives together. When they have nothing to offer in a relationship at least a girl like you wanting something from him is like an ego boost for him. Don't give him that satisfaction because he is not adding any value to your life.
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