A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys first time I ever used this site and I guess there is a lot to my question so I'll get down to it.So me and my ex girlfriend were together for 5 years and some change. We recently broke up a few months ago because of family issues mainly mine in that they dislike her and want nothing to do with her. That being said while her family tolerates me I would say half of them disliked me as well so it's not like she was the only one that hated it but personally I figured since we were happy that it didn't matter as we only had to deal with them during the holidays and I was honestly fine with gritting my teeth and taking my licks when I had to deal with hers.Well I guess I underestimated how she felt. She had brought it up on many occasions how she wanted me to get my family to warm up to her and stand up for her and I stupidly ignored her only because at the time I though she had possibly cheated on me (she didn't) anyway enough was finally enough and she dumped me. Now I didn't really take it well. At the time I had lost my job and most of my savings were in the stock market that I stupidly though I could make a lot of money. Long story short I didn't and lost about all of it and am living from my very small emergency fund. When she broke up with me she wanted to be friends as she still had feelings for me and we honestly were not only lovers but bestfriends. I constantly begged her to take her back and called her a lot at all hours of the night and morning drunk begging to be just given another chance. She couldn't handle it anymore as she's in college and is close to graduating and getting ready to go into the real world and me harassing her caused to just not want to deal with me. She blocked my number, e-mail, facebook, skype and pretty much any way to get into contact with her.I was pretty depressed for awhile and after hanging out with friends and getting an ultimatum from my folks who I've been staying with that I need to find a job or at least start doing something have been cleaning myself up. I put in quite a few job applications and have been thinking about going back to school to try and further my education and hopefully increase my chances at getting a better job. While I was doing this I kept thinking a lot about it and ended up making a throw away e-mail and e-mailed her through the unblocked address. I didn't ask to get back together with her I simply wanted to say sorry and get some stuff off my chest. At first she was cold and I though we ended our exchange but then a few days after our last e-mail she sent an e-mail to my real e-mail account just asking how I was what my plans were and just questions about when we were together.I went on about how I'm slowly rebuilding my life and told her I had hoped we might get back together. She asked me what would be different and I told her there would be more communication but I also told her about how I though she cheated and came clean that I seen a girl while we were together in an effort to have her find out and be jealous stupid I know. Nothing happened we with me and the other girl but she was heart broken and told me while she still loved me and missed me she couldn't bring herself to be in a relationship and though it better for both of us if he stopped all contact.I was honestly sad and almost slipped back into depression but I pushed through and figured that I couldn't stay that way forever. I went on a few dates that just never really went anywhere for various reasons either lack of my interest or the woman I went on the date with. Anyway around the 1st of December my ex drunk dialed and while initially didn't pick up gave into the urge to call her back. We talked for a long time about how after we e-mailed each other while at the time of our break up she had pretty much emotionally let go after those e-mails it became very real to her and she cried her eyes out and just felt sad. She said the entire time we were broken up she was very lonely and missed her bestfriend as well and that she didn't think that we should throw away all the years we've been together and would like to be friends. She also said that she too dated but never really found anyone that would workout and mentioned she hadn't had sex since we broke up. She asked if we could be friends and still have sex and I though about it but then the same situation applied to me so I agreed. We made plans for the next weekend but they didn't work out so she ended up coming home for the holidays and spending time with her family. We called and texted sporadically during the middle of december but didn't have a conversation at all like our initial one. Anyway the holidays come and go and new years day she calls me up and told me she was heading back to school because she has work and wondered if I wanted to come hang out for a few days and I said yes. When we got there it was very awkward because I don't think either of us knew how to act around each other. Anyway she ended up going to work for a few hours while I hung around her apartment and watched TV. When she came back we ended up going shopping and on the way there she let me know she was currently talking to a guy and wanted to know if that was okay. I told her it was fine and she was free to do what she wanted to do. While we were shopping though she repeatedly slipped up and called me babe and referred to how good a girlfriend she was to me. I didn't bring it up because I though it would make things weird.Anyway we got home and started making food and she called me babe and realized it after she said it. I then told her about how she did it multiple times while we were in the store. She got embarrassed and asked if things got weird and I told her it did then she told me "Whatever just deal with it" and then hugged up to me and kissed me a few times on the cheek and continued cooking. Anyway after that things seemed like they were fine and we were laughing and cuddling eating and watching tv just having a good time. When it came time to sleep I figured she would just have me crash on the sofa or air mattress or something but she told me to just sleep in her bed so I wouldn't be uncomfortable.I said okay and went to go change when again she asked where I was going and I told her just going to go and change and she replied that as long as we've been together we have seen each other naked many times and it really doesn't matter. I silently agreed and changed and we went to bed. We ended up waking up the next morning and had sex multiple times and pretty much spend most of the first part of the day having sex. Afterwards we got dressed and went off and hung out down town to the normal spots we liked to hang out at. I realized as we hung out that I still felt really strongly about her and didn't want to remain friends but at the same time I feel like I treated her badly I don't deserve a relationship with her.The rest of the weekend was us alternating acting like normal friends vs getting back to her apartment and pretty much being girlfriend and boyfriend with the occasional hand holding and cheek kisses while we were out. When it came to last night she claimed to have been asked to help a friend do something and alluded to what I wanted to do and I told her I could leave and she agreed and thanked me for not getting angry or upset and I told her "well we're friends so it's not like I expected to stay a long time or anything". That night the guy she was talked to called and she sat outside her room and talked to him. She had ignored him a lot while I was there and I heard him mention it and she said she was just busy unpacking and hanging out with friends and I think she talked to him about an hour before she came back in and we went to bed.This morning I woke up she washed our clothes and I got dressed and just when I was about to throw my stuff in my car and go back home she told me her friend didn't need help but she needed to go clothes shopping as she forgot a bunch at her parents house and wanted my opinion on what to buy. I honestly didn't want to leave yet so I agreed and we spent most of the afternoon with her trying on clothes and showing me asking my opinion an pretty much bought what ever I said looked good on her. After that we grabbed some lunch and I went to drop her off back at her place and she asked me to come in and help clean up a bit. I again agreed and came inside and helped out. While we were cleaning up I realized I forgot some show items and she told me I could leave them there if I wanted to come back as long as I didn't feel to awkward to want to come back. I told her I was fine and I would and she smiled.When we were done she walked me to my car and we talked for about 30 minutes outside just about random stuff and then when I motioned to get into my car she asked if I would leave with out a hug so I went and hugged her. After we finished she gave me a full kiss. I was kind of taken back as we didn't do that at all even when we were having sex. Stupidly I asked for another one and to my surprise she did it again.Now I'm sitting here at home wondering what I should do and how she feels. The entire time I stayed with her she asked about who I was talking to and encouraged me to date other people. At the same time a lot of her actions seems like she doesn't want to let go and simply wants to use this time for us to go out and do our own thing. I'm wondering should I continue to what we're doing now and then maybe eventually bring up renewing our relationship or simply take it as two adults who still have feelings for each other and enjoy what we're doing for now and being okay when everything is truly over.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): OP here Sorry for the novel like question I guess I've always written a lot and in detail. Your right about me not having the courage I guess I'm going to attempt to date some more and just keep what we have going and just take it from there. I know she mentioned me coming to stay for her birthday soon and if I get lucky me and a friend will be moving to her city to attend school so I guess I'll just work on my life in the mean time and hope for the best.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (6 January 2015):
Not sure if I was reading an erotic novel or someone needing advice but here goes.
You are looking for answers stemming from an already unclear relationship. You went to her place knowing that you both did not have a status. And even though you gave a very detailed story, none of it really matter because you have no idea what was going through her head at the time.
Continue to improve your life, and I would say to keep reaching out to her with the same frequency. It doesn't seem like you have the courage yet to make promises to her and she can not do the same. Whether things come to it or not, do not place all your eggs in one basket with something you are unsure about.
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