A
female
age
26-29,
*icolexo
writes:Me and my boyfriend known each other for 10 years but have been together romantically for the last year. A few weeks ago I noticed he had been sending sexual messages to another girl over skype; when I called him up on it he broke down in tears, admitted sending the messages but categorically denied that it went any further. Since this incident I have discovered he has an online dating profile, the email of this links to another facebook account which isn't in his name, but could be fake? I've asked him about it but he goes mad and tells me i'm a psycho.what do i do??
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 October 2014):
 He's in perpetual denial...there's no cure! Find someone more monogomous.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 October 2014):
 Aww... he even FAKED some pretty wet little tears for you and you still don't trust him??? (that part was absolute sarcasm) He wasn't SORRY about his actions he was SORRY because he got CAUGHT. When you snooped just a little deeper you found more... ONLY this time he didn't break out the waterworks...
He got mad because you "caught" him, He thought he was slick as heck! So what is the BEST way to get YOU to back off? BY calling YOU a Psycho! Because there is NOTHING wrong with him, right? Next he will tell you that it's YOUR fault he made the dating profile and fake FB page....Because you snoop.
And you, will go against your gut and against your morals and STICK with him to SHOW him how much you love him and how sorry you are for accusing him...
Or you can walk away now and find a guy who is DESERVING of you, who WANTS to be with you and not look for greener grass while dating you.
10 years MEANS nothing if you can't trust him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): Your boyfriend lashed out at you because, as the old adage goes, "the best defense is a good offense." That's a typical response from men who are guilty of what they are accused of. I know it hurts to have someone betray you like this, but you should do yourself a favor and find someone worthier. It's very unlikely that you will be able to forgive him or ever trust him again.
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A
female
reader, Tiree +, writes (21 October 2014):
Hi there,
I have just went through a similar thing myself, you should check out my question 'can dating profiles be cloned over multiple sites or is my boyfriend lying?' The answers from the aunts really helped me put all the excuses into perspective; all be it, my situation was different from yours as I found many, many profiles but the LYING is all the same as what your going through right now.. And I hear ya, you don't know what to believe because 'this guy couldn't do that to you'
The way I found out his sordid secrets is to put into google search or any search engine.. [his username] & Place/location outside the straight brackets.
It will come up if he uses the same username on any other sites you don't know about, also you can drag his profile image into google image search & it will search to see if that profile pic comes up in any other dating websites. Also, you can download software like 'recover my files' which will show you his internet history even if he has deleted it or put on private browsing... I know! I know! crazy detective behaviour but I just knew in my gut something wasn't right after finding sex talk. BUT I'm so glad I found out sooner rather than later.
I myself got the aggressive approach, then the nice approach then back to aggressive again & so forth from my bf & it does, it really DOES make you think, maybe it's me! maybe this faking business could actually happen! maybe someone could fake a profile! BUT.. when you REALLY think about it logically, YOU know and I know there was no fakery involved. I feel really stupid now for doubting myself & half believing his nonsense.
What to do is, research a little if you don't find anything else then think to yourself 'am I willing to accept this LIE?' 'am I willing to accept that my now bf that I thought I knew for 10 or so years can sex chat with another girl?'
TRUST me when I say TRUST your instincts.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 October 2014):
 You should dump him and scrape him off of your heart like you'd scrape gum off of your shoe. He can't even be imaginative enough to revert to the old, stupid "you're a psycho for catching me for the pathetic ego-weaning sex addict I really am" defensive move.
The fact that he could whip up some crocodile tears even though he's been doing far worse behind your back should give him an Oscar for Best Performance by a Philanderer or Micropenis-sufferer.
Who CARES if you've known him since you were 11? Obviously you didn't know him well enough. Get rid of the cheating asshat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): You ask him about his online dating profile, with email linking to another Facebook profile, and he calls you psycho? His attempt at distracting you from what he is doing is a storyline for a bad comedy.
If lying and cheating weren't bad enough, he is also gas lighting you. Run, don't walk, away from this man.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 October 2014):
 if you ask and he gets mad, it's a smoke screen to distract you from the truth.
he is a liar and a cheater.
IF you can manage it... you should leave.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (21 October 2014):
Nope, he's not the guy of your dreams, need to dump the dude and find one that is true to one girl at a time.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (21 October 2014):
 Sadly, your situation happens so often it's cliche...dating profiles they don't know about...blah...blah...blah....Dating sites do not set up accounts for people at random, nor do they share customer information with their competitors (in the case of so called 'cloned' accounts over several sites).How far it got is irrelevant at this point. At the very least he made a concerted effort to cheat, got caught and put on an emotional display to distract you from what he's done to how he feels....textbook strategy by the way. We read about these ALL THE TIME here at Dear Cupid. I wouldn't invest another moment in him.
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