A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend went away with his family for a couple of weeks on a holiday.Before he left, he kissed me on the lips. That was it. We talked for 45 minutes first. He was joking and playful with me. Generally seemed happy to be with me. He kissed me already once during this time. He initiated.But I was disappointed it was not a long, romantic, drawn out good bye. It wasn't what I was expecting. Like in the movies. Crazy, huh? I guess this ain't Pretty Woman!I should point out we were in a public place and he is hesitant to show affection in public.I asked him if he would miss me, and he said yes but he did not offer it himself.Now he is gone and I am left feeling lonely and miserable like he doesn't care. And I worry now he won't even contact me while he is away.He said he would stay in touch and we would text each other and make plans to be together when he comes back.Why do I feel this way then? I hate to be wallowing for two weeks. I sure hope somebody can make me feel better!AM I OVER REACTING????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2014): Hello. OP again.
He messaged me a few minutes ago to tell me he misses me and what he has been doing on his trip.
I feel so much better. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2014): It's the OP. I can't tell you how much better all of you have made me feel. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart.Well, I am a very emotional, flowers and roses, heart on my sleeve kind of a girl. He is more practical. I am a dreamer and he is a thinker. So definitely some differences but we also have many amazing similarities that bind us together and have an incredible connection both inside and outside the bedroom. Sometimes the fire between us causes us some hiccups because the passion between us is off the charts. So even though it can be challenging because I am more romantic and he is not, he still cares about me and vise versa. And it is worth it for both of us.I guess I worry so much because I really love him and would never want to lose him. And I worry... what if he doesn't contact me AT ALL? WILL THAT MEAN THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER OR HE IS SENDING ME A MESSAGE THAT IT IS??But you have all made me feel better. I will keep myself busy and as soon as you know it, I will see him again. And yes, I will plan something very special for him.Take care everyone and thank you again. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 October 2014):
 Long goodbyes doesn't make his feelings for you better or "bigger" - life isn't a movie and if... it was... would you really be picking "Pretty woman? Seriously? The movie about a hooker with a golden heart, and a guy who buys her? Come on, girl.. if you call THAT romance you need to hit the library or Netflix! Gone with the Wind! Go watch it. (break out the tissues - now THAT is romance!)
I have sent off my husband to Iraq, Afghanistan, and to Iraq again with no big orchestrated "love scene" - One of the times I dropped him off at the Airport at 3 am - didn't even get out of the car, as I had 3 sleeping kids in their carseats and an hour drive home.
I hate goodbyes. I love hellos!
My advice? Don't worry about the goodbyes.... PLAN for the homecoming instead. TRUST me on that one.
Don't be distrustful he he hasn't done anything to deserve distrust. He is NOT the ex. Don't hold him over the coals for something an ex did.
LET him enjoy spending time with his family, and NOT have to worry about you going stir crazy while he is gone. GO out with friends, get some things done you have wanted to do for a while, like paint the bedroom or sew new curtains, read those books you haven't started, do a marathon with your favorite TV show on Netflix, don't forget to LIVE life while he is gone. YOU life shouldn't be centered around HIM to "entertain" you. And PLEASE don't get needy and upset because he isn't texting you constantly while he is with family. LET HIM ENJOY the time visiting.
As for the PDA - I don't like it at all. I will hold hands if hubby insists, but I don't really NEED to display my LOVE and affection for my husband in public to strangers I don't know nor care for. WHO cares? Again, it doesn't MAKE the relationship better or his love for you stronger by holding your hand or sticking his tongue down your throat in public.
Give him a chance to show you that he CAN go on vacation to see his family without YOUR world crumbling.
YOU CAN NOT control other people and what they do, think or say. Nor can you control a relationship by trying to make it fit into some little box of notions pulled from your head. There are two of you. So the relationship is a combination of HOW you see it and how HE sees it working.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 October 2014):
 I'm with YouWish, he wasn't going off to war or going by himself to Club Med, it's a two week friggin' family vacation. Sheesh. Learn to cook some exotic dish, sew some new bedroom curtains or totally redo it-paint and all, get a pedicure, have a couple girls nights out, just enjoy some alone time.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (21 October 2014):
You are very much overreacting. Many people would feel uncomfortable taking part in a protracted display of affection in public, and to be honest many of us aren’t wildly keen to watch them either. You said that all he did was kiss you on the lips, then describe 45 minutes of quality time together when he kissed you at least twice. Life isn’t a movie, maybe he thought there wasn’t any need to make a big deal out of the goodbye, because it’s only a couple of weeks. I think you’re being a bit oversensitive and needy, possibly because you feel more secure when love is demonstrated by big romantic gestures. But actually being in love’s about the little things: the quick kiss in public, being in the most ordinary of places and circumstances with that person and not wanting to be anywhere else. Give him, and yourself, a break and plan something nice to welcome him back. This really is not worth getting yourself upset about.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2014): It's the OP.Thank you for your answers.You are all wise and making some valid points.My last boyfriend cheated on me.I have been with this one a year and a half and known him for 2 years.He works with all women. He is a friendly and charming sort. He gets along well with women. He says it is just his nature but he is with me and committed to me and would never do anything to lose what we have together.I guess I just worry he will end being a player like my last boyfriend.I could not go through the betrayal of being cheated on. It nearly destroyed me.And it does not seem to matter what he says or does. I will always worry and the trust issues will always be there.Wish I could let them go and just trust him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 October 2014):
 He left for a couple of weeks! He didn't die or get shipped off to a war zone.
His goodbye was appropriate! Now, DO NOT contact him while he is away. Let him spend time with his family, and if he contacts you, be warm and fond and happy to hear from him, but HANG UP before he wants you to.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don't text him constantly while he's away. If you get clingy while he's gone, that is a very bad thing. STOP ASKING if he'll miss you! You don't want him to while he's away! You want him to have a blast with his family so you can capitalize on the absence making the heart grow fonder.
As for you, STOP PINING FOR HIM! Go out and have fun on your own! Get your own life and live it up and have even more of a blast than he does!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2014):
 YES ! BIG TIME !:)
Unless there's something that you did not say and that gives you a reason to worry. Like, he has a story of vanishing suddenly from your radar and then reppearing. Or, of breaking promises, says he'll call then he never does . Or, he has a notoriously roving eye and plays " cock of the walk " any chance he's got to be out of your sight. Or, etc.etc.
If nothing of this applies, I think it's all fine, OP. You aren't two teenagers anymore, and a two weeks separation should not feel like an earth shattering catastrophe. It's just TWO weeks, OP. And, you were in a public place and you know is not the type who goes for PDA . He had kissed you already, being playful and affectionate. He will surely miss you, but naturally he is also excited about being somewhere nce with his family, so the pros of this trip equal the cons, and he did not think necessary to put up a long, sad, ( and probably fake ) face. He did not act as in a chick flick , because you were IRL and not on a movie set.
Everything seems under control :).
He said he was going to keep in touch by text or other means, and , he is innocent until proven guilty, i.e. if he has not a bad track record in that, why should you assume he was not telling the truth ?...
I wonder if this is a " new new new " relationship so you don't know him that much , you don't know if you can totally trust him yet and / or you are dragging trust issues from past bad experiences.
Otherwise... please get a grip, OP:) , and also get a new hobby or something, if you have two whole weeks just to pine about your long lost love- who is coming back to you in two weeks..... then maybe you have too much free time on your hands !
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 October 2014):
 You are the romantic one and you feel that gestures and expressing feelings mean loving that person more. If he wasn't sad about leaving that's because the holiday is what he looked forward to and he probably has a good relationship with his family. This is something to be happy about. He also has a secure attachment with you meaning that he trusts you won't do something disloyal, and that when he gets back the love is still there. If you are worrying if he loves you, then you have to look at what he did throughout the relationship, not just at critical moments that you compare with the movies. You should also look at ways he showed love to you. If he's not the romantic type then he's more down to earth, which is surely not a lesser type of love. It's normal to feel left out and lonely when he's on the trip but it's overreacting about not having the long drawn out goodbye. You can make yourself feel better by doing something you always wanted to do but couldn't because you were always with him. Some private secret indulgence maybe. If you are with your boyfriend long enough then maybe in the future you would visit the family too as you become part of them.
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