A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, some advice please. I have an 11 month old son, I split from his dad, my husband due to him having an affair. Now I decided I wanted to leave the area to make a fresh start for myself and my son as they only live around the corner from me and I am going to lose the house anyway. When I spoke to my husband about it a few weeks ago I told him that I would bring my son back once maybe twice a month on the basis that he makes the effort to come to see his son too, plus I have family here so I would be coming back anyway.I didn't make the decision easily about moving because of my son and his relationship with his dad but his dad won't make the effort anyway and very rarely puts our son first, he will only see him for 2 hours a week and I have tried to get him to see him more but he just won't, he as also let my son down a few times, changing his mind about having him etc and I know my son is too young to see that right now but he will soon be old enough to see what his dad is doing so I believe I need to set boundaries now. Anyway my husband was quite happy about us moving, said it was all fine about me bringing our son back here and him coming to see him...we will be an hour and halfs drive away and the suddenly today he as changed his mind and decided to tell me that his solicitor as told him that i can't move away with our son. Now I know that I can and I will, I haven't hidden anything from my husband, I have been upfront with him from the beginning. I need this fresh start, I will be moving to be closer to family..or should I mention his family, who by the way will not have anything to do with him because of what he did. I decided on there aswel for my son too so that he can be closer to them to, I will never stop his family from seeing my son because of what he as done, they have been a good support for me and my son. Does he have any rights at all to try and stop me going? Its not as if i am emigrating or anything, my sons relationship with his dad is important to me and I have never stopped him seeing our son ever and never would despite what he as done.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I am aware that my child needs us both and that is why my son still see's his dad, his dad hardly makes the effort and I have to force him to come and take him out for a couple of hours. As I have said when I asked the question I spoke to my husband about it origionally and he was fine with me moving, he only bothers a couple of hours a week now anyway. When I move I have made it clear that I will come back twice a month and he as to do the same and make the effort, its only an hour and halfs drive away where I am going and I would never ever do anything to jepordise my sons relationship with his dad, I am his constant in his life and do everything and the move is a chance for me to make a fresh start for me and my son after he hurt me so badly and they only live around the corner from me!! I am moving to be closer to family, I am going to lose my house because my husband will not help pay the mortgage on it which I cannot afford!! I have mentioned in my question that my son needs his dad and his relationship with him is important to me, my god he as let my son down so many times already that i could of stopped him seeing him but as I have said I haven't and wouldn't. I don't appreciate you telling me that my son needs both of us because I am well aware of that and that wasn't my question.
Anyway thankyou to the others for your feed back, I have spoke to a solicitor and my husband as seen sense and agreed anyway. I always wanted to go with his blessing anyway as I am aware of how important my sons relationship is with his dad and I know that we can make it work, as long as he makes the effort too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): one thing i would like to tell you is that your child needs both parents and it is his right to be with both. So i would refrain to play on your own interest and assumptions. you should make arrangements that suits all 3.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): No he has no rights at all to stop you moving within a reasonable distance away. As long as he can have regular contact it's fine. 1 1/2 hours drive away isn't far enough for him to stop you.
Seek legal advice though to make sure but I wouldn't worry, you're not moving far enough away for it to deny him access, not by a long shot. He can throw his money away on a solicitor all he wants. In the UK the mother has the majority of the rights and given his history he's just banging his head against the wall. Moving closer to your family will give you as his primary custodian and him a better life.
He doesn't stand a chance of stopping you, only waste money and perhaps delay it a bit, if at all.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Don't know your laws, but in Norway one parent can stop the other from moving. Although there are many factors involved and you need to take it all the way to divide custody of the child and discuss parental rights, and decide with custody-court (I am not aware of the proper English word for this court), who will get how many hours/days with the child per week.
If it is a split custody then the child will in effect have to move between the homes. This will be impossible, and certainly not good for the child, if you are to move far away. Hence you can be ordered by law to not move. But, you aren't going that far, just about an hour away. I am not convinced he will be able to stop you from doing that. However... you need to decide in a formal manner who has custody of the child and how much he is to see his son every week.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 I'm not sure what the laws are in your country, but in my country these types of custody battles are common as it's not legally possible to move your child away without the permission of the other parent unless you have sole custody. You're going to want to consult someone about the finer legal details of this before you do anything.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 May 2011):
 you need to see a solicitor too. get access sorted properly and stick to it. as long as you live somewhere that allows your ex the allocated access to his son you can live wherever you want
x
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