A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night my boyfriend and I discussed a problem we've been having and it didn't turn out so well. We ended up arguing then ended the discussion.A few weeks ago we had got into an argument and he posted a status about it on facebook. He says it's his way of venting, and he does this almost every time we argue. He posts it in a way without saying my name or "my girlfriend" saying nobody knows it's about us. But that's not true. I've had people message me asking me what was going on. He knows I look up relationship advice online sometimes but after I explained this is anonymous and I don't know anyone here personally he still says it's unfair and it's the same thing. I don't mind him venting but I don't want people that know us personally, especially on facebook to know our problems. It just causes more problems. For instance, he's friends with a girl that likes all the statuses he makes about our problems and even texted him flirting with him before i confronted him about it. She still calls him too but it's mainly missed calls. I don't really know how to deal with it. Eventually, I told him "since you cant stop posting about our problems for our friends and family to see im just going to delete you, this is causing way too many problems" he ended up deleting me right then and there.Well, last when we were discussing it I told him we weren't friends on there because he keeps posting bad things about our relationship...I know it's just facebook but I figured he would of added me back by now...or maybe he keeps posting these things?I want to settle this problem with him but I don't know how without sounding like im just trying to argue.What should I say or do?
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female
reader, chaijam  +, writes (1 September 2012):
Suggest him setting up a private blog to post his feelings on. If he's really upset and needs a place to vent, this can be a great way to let loose. It's what I do when I need somewhere to express my feelings. Don't ask that he gives you or anyone else the url for the website (or even word document), it can be a totally private place for him to splurge without anyone at all seeing it.If he doesn't like an idea like that and is posting these things just to get a reaction.. then, as other people said, I yell 'deal breaker!' Remind him that the relationship is just between you and him, and if he wants other people to know his business then you can leave him and he can have a relationship with them instead.
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (1 September 2012):
 Deliberate and repeated violation of privacy IS a deal breaker. This relationship has seen better days and I think it's probably time to put an end to it.I also think janniepeg has a point about him signalling the end. The fact that he's getting 'likes' from a woman who also flirts with him is a bad sign.He can't be trusted. Time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (1 September 2012):
 I hate people like this. Whining to people on facebook for attention. That is all it is. That's why I don't have a facebook. I don't think deleting him is a solution. He is still airing your dirty laundry on his page. Deleting him is attempting to ignore the situation. It is YOUR relationship and YOUR issues, no one else's business. I would get him back as a friend, because he is your boyfriend after all, and then tell him to stop the posts or you can't be with him. You can't have someone airing your problems for sympathy and a pity party. He needs to grow up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 September 2012):
 Posting relationship problems or whines in FAB is so passive-aggressive and annoying. I would tell him to GROW a set and talk to you about them not air the "dirty laundry" online. It's ridiculous.
Not being friends online seems to be the way to go. Doesn't mean he will stop. Just that you don't have to join in his little "woe is me" pitty-parties.
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A
female
reader, dangerouslyinlove0228  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 Ugggh. Block him from your facebook page & your life. You diserve better than that. Remember, its always good to keep your problems within the relationship. As for your boyfriend, telling the world your relationship problems is not the way to solve anything. My reason being is because when you both patch things up after a heated argument; everythings gonna be fine & dandy on your (both of you) end, while others are still being biased on the other end. Your boyfriend shouldn't be venting like that (esp. on facebook) its just giving people something to talk about. He's pretty much entertaining them. smdh
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): I've had people like him on my facebook friends list before, and after awhile I just deleted them. I got sick of my news-feed being constantly bombarded with their problems. I viewed them as desperate for attention, and I didn't think less of the people they were posting about. I thought less of them. This is probably the way some people view your boyfriend. I also feel janniepeg has a point, it almost seems like he's trying to let people know he will be single soon. I would beat him to it if I were you, let him keep posting on facebook. People will grow tired of it, and either tell him to knock it off, or they will start just plain ignoring him. Let the other girl who keeps "liking" his statuses have him. When he starts dating her and posting about their relationship problems, she won't be liking his statuses so much then. And best of all, it won't be your problem anymore.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 September 2012):
 I could not handle that, nor would I put up with it. This guy venting about his problems is an immature ego thing because he's publicly looking for sympathy among his Facebook friends. If he wanted to "simply vent", he could buy a diary or keep one on a computer offline, so that explanation doesn't fly.
I would have broken up with him and not just deleted him off of Facebook. I don't ever share fights or arguments in public for our loved ones and circle of friends to feel awkward over.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (1 September 2012):
 It seems like the relationship has enough problems already and now you find a new issue to argue about, which is privacy. I see not respecting privacy as a deal breaker. Your gestures of deleting each other on facebook can easily can easily transfer to real life, or maybe it has already. Venting on facebook and asking dearcupid is not the same thing. Facebook is more attention seeking.
I understand you don't want your love life to be publicized and that it's just facebook, but it does reflect the true state of your relationship. If all he says is bad stuff and no good stuff about your relationship, then it means your relationship is really in bad shape, and that he is advertising that at anytime he will be single soon. He is just doing it in a way that's not too obvious. I do guess that in some way he is trying to provoke a break up. He is still wrong about not being direct with you.
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