A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi All - I need some insight on this.So yesterday I went to see my bf and we both knew we were hooking for sex before he leaves for the weekend to see his mother. Anyway, when i got there he was just uninterested. I touched him, he didnt touch me back or even move or make a sound. He just lay there with his eyes closed ans he wasnt sleeping coz we were chatting b4 I started touching him. Then I tried kissing him, he turned away. I pulled him back and tried kissing him again, he didnt turn away this time but he just didnt kiss me back. I stopped and asked whats wrong to which he repied "wrong with what"? I just gived u and turned away from him.As I was lying in bed with my back against him, he just grabbed me from behind, when I tried turning to face him he pushed me back, didnt want me facing him. and he just took my pants off and just basically "stuck it in" from behind - no touching no nothing. It was over before I could even say anything. After he came, he rolled over and was back to that semi-sleeping mode he was in when I started touching him. Ignoring me completely. I was like WTF was that...he acted confused and asked what? I told him he didnt even touch me, he said Oh he didnt notice and I must come he will touch me now. I was so hurt I just left.He called and didn't apologise, he insists he didnt see anything wrong with the way he did it. It's the 1st time he is doing this.What's this?? Any insight
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Break up with him if you can. what he did to you, to me is considered 'rape'.
Take care.
A
female
reader, syrop  +, writes (30 October 2010):
i don't agree at all with carra. she has no right to be so racism. not only man that are muslim are rapist. there are many more especially christian. in fact i would say mauritian guys respect their wife or daughter a lot.
why do they prevent their wife or daughter from wearing exposing clothes? so that man does not masturbate with their names. and there are a lot more. unlike other race who allow nudity
so watch out your language carra. i want to report her!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I don't know ... for some reason he was preoccupied, upset about something, buried deep in himself. The sex was an expression of something, and then he became real again and wanted to hold you.
I am just trying to unravel this. Of course, horrible and confusing for you (sorry - I don't think it was 'rape' - he didn't hurt you physically, and you didn't ask or want him to stop - but it was sex without emotional engagement and physical warmth, which is unpleasant for you). It's not the end of the earth, but it does show he has some issues, and this probably won't be the last time he does something like this (it is probably the first of many times, in fact).
He is going to be a difficult partner, that's for sure, and you are going to feel hurt and alone a lot of the time. You should consider whether you want this or not. I doubt you will change him much, if he can't see what was not very nice about what he did.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Hm. You know something, if he doesn't think he did anything wrong, maybe there's something seriously wrong with him. Certainly there's something wrong with his judgement.
I would say there's something wrong with your judgement if you tolerate this nonsense.
I'd be handing him his walking papers. Who needs to be treated like that? Not me! Buh-bye, strange guy! There are loads of better men out there.
Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I'm rather confused, you discussed your intent was to have sex..You started off being affectionate and trying to get him in the mood but he rejects you. Then you turn away, to your surprise he grabs you from behind to give it to you, then it's done. Was this your first time? If so, then you take the cake for the worst first time.
He has a very aggressive, angry manner about him, it's possible he was in a foul mood that day and took his frustration out on you. Doesn't make it right, it's not your fault. It's obvious you didn't enjoy it, and he didn't seem to care..I would break up with him, if you don't then he thinks it's ok to do that again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): Aawww honey i am so sorry to hear this. Your Bf is a JERK. Plus That on some level qualifies as abuse or rape!! It definately doesn't show any love on his part. If my BF did that to me I would press charges...but thats me!! But then again I don't know your situation deeply. You need to leave himNO CONTACT!! even if he calls. he needs to know he messed up big time and you'lld never stand for this! As a matter of fact, I would cut off all ties to him. And if you ever forgive him, make sure its after he has atoned seriously for his mistake. A man who loved you would NEVER do that. Sometimes guys get a little rough wih the Testosterone taking over, but real good men will not stay turned on if Their WOMAn is not turned on or into it. And they would never hurt her, and gosh did he do it anally????? Yuck! thats awfulThats just DISGUSTING!!!! He is a BRUTE!! DITCH the looser
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (29 October 2010):
Your boyfriend has some serious issues. You must have felt like crap when he did that, you sure you want to be in a relationship where he is using you so unemotionally?
carra your comment about muslims - idiot!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Just in case there's confusion, muslims aren't the only people that rape women...
Girl, I'd get out of this relationship, even if this is the first and only time this ever happens, can you imagine what other things he'll choose to ignore? He might slap you and then pretend it didn't happen. That might be extreme, but so is his behavior, it's not normal to not take into account other people and then act as though nothing bad has happened, that's...what sociopaths do, they have no emotional attachment and think any use of people is fine. don't let this happen to you again and find someone who cares for you
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (29 October 2010):
 That's disgusting! He doesn't care about you at all, don't waste your time by seeing him again!
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A
female
reader, carra +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Hi sweetie. He's not interested in you.What you describe there is somewhere between obligation sex (he does it because you expect him to) and rape (no foreplay / intimacy).If he hasn't applogised, I would seriously consider dumping that f..k. Sorry, I'm riled up now :)I don't like it when guys just decide they want to do it. And have no consideration for your feelings.And just do what they want. Are you sure he's not a muslim?It's only in their culture you see this approach (you may enter your woman as she is your field).Also - if you see that he is not responding to your advances, ask him if he's tired and offer a massage (sometimes it helps). If he still looks un-interested, let him be for that day and go out with your gf to watch a movie and let him sulk.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I have no idea why he did that. He must have issues. You should break up with him, because he sounds like he has serious issues, and could do this, or worse, again.
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