A
female
age
41-50,
*rokenhearted_79
writes:Last month (9/28/10) the guy I was with and had a child together decided while I was in class to pack up his belongings and move out. When I got home from a great day he told me he was leaving, not just to the store, but us (me, our child and my children that he has been with for the past 6 years and formed a relationship with). This was devistating to me as it was from out of nowhere. I know we had been having issues with arguing about stupid stuff and to be quite honest, he admits that it wasn't because of me. Anyway, I became very suicidal and was almost committed for it, but I wasn't. After about a week he asked me if he could stay with me because he was staying in one of those weekly motel things and he needed to save some money to get his apartment, and I agreed. During the week or so he was with me we had "relations" and he told me he loved me and missed me etc. He would kiss me. It was almost like nothing happened, but he would say that there is not a 100% guarentee that we will get back together but we are not 100% done either. He signed his lease on the 18th for 13 months, but has stayed with me a considerable amount of time even though he has his own place. *keep in mind that he only has a bed and a couch at this time* Yesterday *the 28th of Oct* after I get back from an interview with a company he tells me he wants to take our son to his place for the night and he will bring him back in the morning. I have spent 24 hours with my son since the day he was born so I freaked out and left to just drive around. Well, my intended short 20 minute drive got me lost and 2 hours away from home. I tried calling, but he wouldn't answer. I finally made it home, but he was angry and said immediatly that he was going to his place, well he didn't he stayed with me last night again. My question is...what is he doing? He says he hasn't been "emotionally connected" for 2 years (he's taking an anti-depressant) and needs "me time" to think and evaluate our relationship, but then invites me and the children to stay with him at his place tomorrow. He still hugs me, kisses me, cuddles with me, holds me in bed etc". I can't heal or move forward. This is literally breaking me down and I'm in so much pain but I can't figure out how to handle it or what he is doing.
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female
reader, brokenhearted_79 +, writes (30 October 2010):
brokenhearted_79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your input and honesty. I love him, I always will...but I have noticed that it's only when I'm around him that I go into an emotional tailspin. I have to distance myself. I have to heal and mend. He wants his "me time"...well he's going to have all the "me time" he can handle. If someday he decides to grow up, then maybe if I still have these feelings for him we will date and see how it goes, but I have to move on with my life. My son will have his parents and be able to spend time with his father, but for my sanity I have to let go. I'm not saying that I may not revert back to my broken emotional tailspin, but as of right now (and when I'm not around him) I'm okay. Thank you all again.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 I think this is the effect of the tablets and you MUST BOTH go to the doctors and get this sorted out. He is behaving irrationally and I think he actually does want to be with you and the children, but the tablets are messing with his feelings and making him behave in a way that he wouldn't without them. You really must go back to the doctor and see what else can be done. There could be a relatively simple fix for this. i do hope so
nx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): i am so sorry for your situation. But it is not your fault. Sadly you must prepare yourself for fact that he is moving towards leaving you permanently in future, but he's happy to use you in the interim until something better arrives. And it is manifestly unfair, confusing and sad for you and your children. Do not ever threaten suicide, believe me you will get over it if he does leave you forever. Suicide solves nothing. And causes unneccessary guilt, hurt and pain for those left behind. Suicide is the response of a mind in utter turmoil where the person sees no future for themselves or no solution to their multitude of woes. Your children need you. You mention that your man is taking anti depressants. He is not well. His brain is not functioning normally. But stop being so accomodating. If he acts in a particular way You are not responsible for mopping up the damage each time. Be prepared for fact that he may try suicide (without warning anyone in advance). And succeed or fail at that. And maybe try again. This is too big a problem for you to deal with alone. Does he not have a trusted wise friend or relative he could talk to about his problems? You need to encourage him to get serious help before he ruins your life, his life and the lives of the children. His sex drive is still there, though you are more a comfort/crutch for him, and you deserve better than that. . But he is absolutely focused on himself and is central to the problem in all this. He is not thinking of others. Just him. That signals that he is not functioning normally and may need more than just tablets. Maybe counselling?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 You are not going to get any better as he is saying one thing and doing another and it is not fair on you. You need to stop meeting up with him. If he needs space to clear his head then dont have relations with him and dont meet up with him you both need space and you need to set some ground rules, tell him you both need distance until he clears his head and tell him not to contact you until he is ready to be back in a relationship, only contact him when it comes to your son, as for your son staying over night with him am afraid you are going to have to allow this as he is still his father and it is good that your son has a father that still wants to spent time with him so you will need to let go it will also give you a break and time on your own to think things through. You really need to be strict with him though and tell him you dont want contact with him until he knows what he wants with you but dont stop him from seeing the children.
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