A
male
age
36-40,
*andom85
writes:Hey everyone,I've been in a relationship with my Gf for nearly 4 years now and well im starting to become really really fed up of things atm.When we first went out it was cool, we were going out doing the usual things, cinemas meals etc etc, random spontaneous things its all good.since our 1st anniversary its been going downhill - She went to Uni in city near me its not far at all. she was always coming over here and i went to her uni flat at times. I didnt like going there cause it was in a really nasty area and i couldnt stand it ( selfish i know but i cant stand run down foreign areas) and i think/know it got to her.We started going out places less and less and i became somewhat - Embarrassed? shy? self concious i think is the best i can describe of going out to places with her, yet i could go out with my other female friends with no issue at all, which has got worse and worse ever since, to the point that we bicker when we go out shopping etc.last year i had an accident in army basic training which made me have to quit my army career which she knew i had been wanting to do since way before we went out, and shes been understanding and kind towards that and recently i had a motorbike smash which has left me housebound since. Shes been so good and kind and loving but damn is she boring me, she has let herself go, doesnt do much other than insist on watching crappy reality tv when we are just snuggled up in bed which makes me really annoyed - and i have told her about this.We rented an apartment earlier this year to be closer to each other.1. to get me out of my parents after army failure2. to be closer to the GF3. she had a nicer place to live.I really want to make things more fun and exciting before we have to renew our rental agreement because this is so getting me down. Ive lost touch with all my female mates since the start of this relationship and most of my army/home mates since i moved to this apartment which i think is down to this relationship too, and am having trouble getting back in touch with them - were they even friends at all?I guess i got alot on my plate at the moment.Thanks for reading this wall of text :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): That's understandable, you lost your attraction for her because she doesn't take care of her appearance, that could do it.You house bound for how long, does it mean you severly injured or just recovering from your crash?
You can't just be w/someone only because they are nice, you need passion and interest in her, be curios about her, if that doesn't exist.... you know the answer.
A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (7 December 2009):
 Maybe you are just taking your angst out on your g/f because in reality your frustrated by the failure of your army career, being stuck at home and basically you don't seem to be in control of your decisions. Or it could be that you've simply outgrown each other. Take a good long look at what's good, what's bad (sometimes it helps to make a pro/con list). Your g/f needs to know that your attraction for her is slipping away if she doesn't take more interest in her appearance so be honest. If you still feel things are not right, then it's probably time to move on. Counseling might help you get your life back together again and find a new direction.
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A
male
reader, random85 +, writes (7 December 2009):
random85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure if embarassed was the correct term to use, I guess its more me being self concious (cant spell tonight).
But she has stopped making the effort of looking good etc when we go out, i guess she is too comfy with where we are in our relationship.
she says she will do stuff to make the effort of looking nice yet she stops after a few days and its back to square one. - i know im being a selfish bugger asking that but i do my best whenever i go out, and since we have moved in together she is one lazy and messy girl.
I never realised it before i moved in and when i tell her she gets all moody with me and goes off to bed in a huff.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): You guys have no kids yet, it's perfect time to deside if u want to stay together. Why are u embarassed to go places w/her, just wondering
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 December 2009):
I think you know what I'm going to say in part.
Time to move on.
However, that's not all. I think you've suffered a huge shock in not being able to do the career you wanted to and I half wonder if you're not slipping into depression.
So it's time to make some life changes before it all gets out of hand. You now need to focus on your own life again, and try to make something of it. All right you can't be in the army, now you need to focus on yourself. Tom Clancy couldn't be in the navy, now he writes books. The point being you need to refocus on your life.
Clearly things between your girlfriend and you are no longer happy, so I think you need to end it with her so she can find someone else, and to give you the time to focus on your life again. Time to start over.
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