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At what age would young couples move in together?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 May 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 May 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hello. I am 21 years old and already wanting to settle with my boyfriend. We have made plans in the future to settle and live together as in get an apartment and eventually a house. I am in university full time and seeking part time jobs. We both live with our parents but ever since he moved into a new home that his mother owns, it seems like he isn’t motivated enough to find a job. I plan to move out after I am out of college. Am I being too irrational to want this desire or is he wrong? I don’t want too much judgment but I am curious. At what age do couples in their 20s seem to move in together?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (15 May 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntYou are not being irrational and well he is not wrong either. At the moment it looks like you both just want different things. I moved out of home at 17, but I didn't move in with my now husband until I was 24. Everyone is different and it depends on circumstances. I mean how would he afford his own place if he doesn't have a job? You both need to sit down and talk about your future goals. If you are not happy at home and you want to move out after college then go for it, but don't rely on your boyfriend to move out with you. He might not be at the same stage as you are.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntSome people as young as you two don't really WANT the responsibilities of being a grown up, just the benefits (if you will). For him, he might also not want to leave his mom or his comfortable home.

I think he is stalling because he isn't READY. Sometimes age is a number in the sense that someone can be SUPER mature at 22 and another super IMMATURE at 25.

For you both, maybe moving in SOUNDS great, but you two might also end up struggling at least until you both have jobs and income.

For him, by NOT getting a job is has put himself in the position where moving out is impossible, so it suits.

I'd say stay home as long as it goes well with your parents, put money aside and work on finishing your degree and getting a job you like. THEN think about moving out, but don't let a "partner" hold you back from doing what you feel is the next step. As in, if you feel ready and able to move out, DO it but NEVER do it if it's ONLY possible IF he also helps pay bills. It's a sure way for a relationship to fail and you having to move back home.

You can do it. IN time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2018):

I am the one who posted. Thank you so much for the advice. I guess I was little on over my head as time is flying by. It can be a drag living at home with parents but it isn’t too bad for now. As for your intake on my boyfriend, that is exactly how I felt about him, that he is stalling. It doesn’t make sense to me why and I have talked to him about it before. I can’t change him and I know I never will be able to.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI moved to another country at age 18. Came home a year later and then meet my BF - we moved in together after about 10? months of dating? So at 19 almost 20 for us both. He was in the military and I was in college and working 2-3 weeknights.

It worked for us.

But if it hadn't been for the fact that he GOT an apartment when he did, I would probably have moved out on my own at that time. Living with my parents wasn't bad but not what I wanted.

I don't think you should WAIT for him to be ready to live with you. IF you want to love out, you feel ready and financially able, then GO for it. You might not afford your own place but a room-mate situation which CAN be a good start.

I don't think there are any RULES as to when people who are dating SHOULD or DO move in together. Usually, it comes down to WHETHER it's affordable or not.

If you are a full-time student and not YET have a job or income, how would you even afford moving out?

If he has no motivation for even LOOKING for a job, how can HE afford this?

And where is the hurry?

I DO find that where I'm from ( Denmark) it is VERY VERY common that young people move out around age 18-20, on their own, sharing a flat with a friend or with a partner. It's not uncommon. But it's also AFFORDABLE for most. Because we are PAID a sort of stipend while going to college/uni. Not a huge sum, but enough to live on, IF you are frugal :) Rentals are HARD to come by in Denmark, we have wait-lists, so you have to get lucky or buy a place.

Here in the States? More common to see people go from parent's house to college dorm and then AFTER graduation home a little while until they get a job. I have a niece who at 26 is STILL living under her father's roof, but she is also a single mom putting herself though school.

In the UK it seems a LOT of young people live with their parent while saving up for a home. It seems pretty normal. Even people in their LATE 20's - Early 30's do this. And there are a LOT of room-mate - house-share availability.

As for your question, Am I being too irrational or IS HE WRONG?

No, I don't think you are being irrational, but perhaps a tad unrealistic. Neither of you can afford a place on your own. And not even together.

Is he wrong? No, he is however stalling and lazy. While I think he LIKED the idea of living together and building a future... HE ISN'T ready and he has it too good at home.

He needs to do a LOT more maturing and growing up before he is ready for living with a partner.

You are 21, so I have to ask where is the fire? And when it comes to moving out, it's great, but you HAVE to be realistic and actually able to afford it.

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