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Should I tell my parents I am sexually active?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Health, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 May 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2018)
A female United States age 16-17, anonymous writes:

Okay, I’m 17 and I just lost my virginity about a week ago. My parents don’t know and I’ve had a few of my closest friends tell me that I need to tell my parents. The thing is, I’m terrified that they won’t let me talk to my boyfriend or be with him anymore. I don’t wanna lose him because he’s a big part of my life. I need to know if I should or should not tell my parents, and if I should how do i tell them? I don’t want them to get mad or disappointed in me, I don’t regret my dicision. I love him. I just don’t know how they will react if I do tell them that I recently had sex. What do I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2018):

You said that you love your boyfriend and that you're happy with your decision, so as long as you are using effective birth control and are knowledgeable about STD's, then I see no reason why your parents have to know if you don't want them to. This is your business, not theirs and certainly not your friends'.

You're growing up and at an age where you have to start standing on your own two feet and making your own decisions.

I didn't tell my parents because it didn't even enter my head to do so and they never asked me either.

If you're happy and responsible then keep your own counsel if that's what you want to do.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (15 May 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI was the same age as you and no I didn't tell my parents. You need to make sure though you have someone to talk to about practicing safe sex and make sure that you don't take any risks.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (14 May 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntIt's wise to tell them and get on birth control, if you aren't already. Also see your doctor to discuss safe sex.

If you feel mature enough to have sex, be mature enough to tell one or both of your parents for safety reasons, among other things. The worst way to find out your child is sexually active is that they accidentally get pregnant or contract an STD.

Also, you don't usually regret sex straightaway, especially when you're still with the person. I'm not saying you will eventually regret it, but you can't determine that after a month or two, let alone one week.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 May 2018):

Honeypie agony auntAre you on birth-control? Or are you leaving it up to your BF to be in charge of that? (if it's the latter, what will you do when a condom breaks? or you get pregnant?). You need to at least BE responsible. If you are doing a "grown up thing" like sex, you NEED to do the other grown up thing and be responsible, AKA birth-control.

My advice? BE in charge of your own future, in the sense that IF you are not ready (and I doubt you are) for kids then ASK your mom/dad to get on birth control. Continue to use condoms EVERY time as well as whatever birth-control you and your doctor chooses for you.

Do you HAVE to tell your parents? No. Would it be a good idea to tell them and DEAL with this asap? Perhaps.

How can you HAVE sex if you can't even talk about it?

Do you in general talk openly with your parents? Or not?

If not... why not?

If your BF your age or older?

I never told my parents that I was sexually active. I didn't have a BF until 19. They met him about 6 months after he and I started dating (and before we were having sex) we were together for 4 1/2 years so I'm PRETTY sure they knew what was up. (didn't have sex in my parents home either or his parents. And I was fairly open with my parents, I asked questions, I answered questions but they didn't pry. Since I was 19 going to the doctor and getting on birth-control didn't have to involve my parents so I just did it on my own.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (13 May 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAre you being responsible and using effective contraception? If so, then I personally see no reason to share this with your parents. If they ask outright, then you may not want to lie, but volunteering the information is, in my opinion, unnecessary.

Why do your friends think you should tell your parents? I am really puzzled by this.

PLEASE make sure you are using effective contraception. And PLEASE don't do anything you don't want to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2018):

I never told my parents.My love life was none of their beeswax.But..go to planned Parenthood and get a obgyn.Get on birth control and always always use a condom no matter how much the guy begs you not to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2018):

I lost my virginity around your age too. And up until now, nobody knows except my current boyfriend and a girl friend of mine. Honestly, it's up to you whether you want to tell your parents. But for me, things like these, it's just best kept to yourself because from my point of view, when parents get involved, they will think of A LOT of scenarios.

HOWEVER, since you're a girl, are you making sure that you're having safe sex? Using a condom at least! and make sure that you're always protected. Get birth control, whilst you're at it!

My main point: Its definitely up to you whether you want to tell them. But parents are bound to always react in a disappointment manner. And I know for a fact, it will affect you because at your age, your parents approval means the world to you.

However, since you've already had sex, and like I said before, just make sure you're safe at all times. Cuz if you end up pregnant, thats even harder news to tell your parents.

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