A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a divorced guy who manages about a dozen women where I work. This one woman asked me to have sex with her. We are both unattached and about the same ages. I said being her boss it put's me in a situation where it could become a lawsuit. She laughed and said why because I want to screw you? I said if I said yes , you could file a complaint. I also said although I know you for years, I really don't know you well at all. I just can't trust that this is a good idea. She looked at me and said we're both alone and didn't see a problem with giving it a try and if I was not comfortable we can let it go without issues. I asked her if there was any reason why she came to me and she said she was attracted because I'm a kind and respectful person. I thanked her and said let me think about it. Well I've been thinking about it, especially since my sex life is all masturbation these days. I can say she's been a good worker without any problems at all and I'm finding a sexual attraction for her now that she offered. She's proven trustworthy working with me for over 10 years. If you were in my situation would you give it a go?
View related questions:
divorce, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): Do not do it. She's crossed a very obvious boundary. Forget that you've worked with her for 10 years, even if she's a completely reliable employee it doesn't do anything to prove her trustworthiness in regard to sexual relations. In fact, it effectively proves the opposite.
I'd suggest you tell your own boss about the incident and say that you need advice, that you haven't acted on her proposal but now feel uncomfortable. There's a possibility she could retaliate because once she realised your not going to 'go there' she might feel angry and vindictive. Obviously if you tell your boss you will feel vulnerable - it draws attention to you and possibly suspicion, but better to speak up first. The woman seems not to adhere to ALL rules, despite being a good employee - something unpredictable in her character and it could cause problems.
Also, find a woman outside of work. The idea that one woman wants to 'screw' you has activated your desires, and reminded you that you are a sexual being - but re-direct your desires away from her. Find someone else who wants a normal dating experience first and wants you as a whole person, not just for sexual relief.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Seriously, this sounds weird and I'd bet money on her having some plan afterwards. People don't just go around to their bosses "hey wanna have sex?" That's not common place and you're dead right, it spells LAWSUIT!
Be professional, do your job and start a few new outside interests where you can meet women - join a sports club for example, or anything where you're going to meet people with similar interests and start expanding your life so you have the opportunity to meet someone who could become a love interest.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): To the person who posted this question, I hope you will let us know what you decide to do. Please don't get involved with her.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): Keep it in your pants and keeps things professional.
How can you be an impartial and effective boss; if you're messing around with your employees? You don't eat where you sh*t; and you don't f*ck where you work, my friend.
Gossip gets out fast. The lady who propositioned you is setting you up. You shouldn't even have taken the conversation as far as you did with her.
You're thinking on it?
Jobs are hard to come by these days, and it's even harder finding one when you're over 50. She was hired to work for the company, not screw the boss. She is going to expect something in return for offering you sex.
"No thank you," is the only right answer.
No further discussion on that topic.
You're obviously letting your penis do the thinking, or you would have handled this like a professional should.
Get a grip!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2014):
 I have a few more questions.
If you manage "about a dozen women where I work" then your company probably has more than 15 employees.
Have you take the time to read about sexual harassment laws?
Do you have a pension plan based on years of service? If you lose your job now, do you lose your pension? Have you been there long enough to be invested in the company?
What does is your employer's policy on sexual harassment?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 March 2014):
 If her reason for wanting sex with you is that you're a kind and respectful person, and you both are unattached, then why isn't she interested in more of a traditional relationship where you date outside the office and get to know each other??
That should make you nervous, because it sounds like she has an ulterior motive and is more interested in what the favors will buy her and less interested in you.
The moment you start playing "harem" with your subordinates, the moment you jeopardize all you've worked so hard to build in your career.
Seriously, if you're sex starved, go out and date or start a casual sex situation with someone who isn't your co-worker. Better yet, talk to your friends and see if they know someone they think would be a good match for you so you don't have to be alone anymore!
But don't do this. It's full of trouble for you. A 10-second orgasm is not worth this kind of risk.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 March 2014):
 Never poop in your own back yard .....
This woman is not very bright if, as she says, she can't see the problem, whereas you, my friend, could see the problem straight away. Keep thinking about those problems, and whenever the urge for sex with her rears its ugly head imagine yourself in a courtroom trying to defend yourself against a charge of sexual harassment.
Her offer of no strings attached sex may be genuine, but its the worst idea in the world as long as you are her manager. Consider ALL possible ramifications, there are too many to list.
...............................
A
female
reader, Questing for Love +, writes (8 March 2014):
 I agree 100% with "Like I see it". She made very very good points about the danger this kind of relationship could have.
You have to ask yourself what you value more: your sex life, or your job which is allowing you to sustain a successful living?
Keep business life and personal life separate. Otherwise you're in for a very messy situation.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): Tell her to quit making inappropriate suggestions or you'll issue a warning for sexual harassment. That's what I'd say to a woman in your position.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2014):
So her come on line was "I want to screw you because you are kind and respectful." She sounds totally hot for you. NOT.
And they say women are the hormonally driven gender. Dude, you are thinking with the little head now.
My guess is that the women are tired of working for you and have devised a foolproof method of getting rid of you as a boss.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (8 March 2014):
 A trustworthy employee of 10 years. It makes me wonder what's changed in her life that she's only coming on to you now.
Anyway, I agree with what the others recommend: stay away from relationships of any sort (barring platonic friendship) with colleagues.
As an aside, are you putting yourself out there to meet ladies? This woman seems like a convenient short cut to getting some intimacy, but there are other women out there. You sound like a decent guy who could meet a decent lady without these potential complications.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (8 March 2014):
 No! No no no no, don't do it. Masturbate three times a day if need be but do NOT get involved with one of your subordinates.
No matter how "trustworthy" she has been over the years, that's been on a professional basis and could change in two seconds if emotions get involved. She could even say you made her do it by threatening her job.
Not only could she claim harassment, someone else in your workplace could be offended by the sexual tension between you two and go after you for a hostile work environment. Or discrimination, if they feel that you are treating her differently. Even if the accusations were determined to be unfounded your professional reputation would never be the same.
If I were in your situation I would run the other way - and I'd probably tell a trusted friend or family member about her advances so someone has heard YOUR side if she takes your rejection of her hard and tries to cause trouble for you.
Good luck and best wishes.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 March 2014):
 Sure.. you can do nik-nik with her.
Then..... sit back and wait for the excrement to hit the fan..... and see just how much it can ruin your life.
If you're lucky, it will be a "speed bump" (almost harmless); ... but, more likely, you'll lose your job, some (lots of) $$$$ and your reputation....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2014): To be honest, I wouldn't date or just have sex with anyone that I worked with, but that's my opinion. I just wouldn't feel comfortable about it. You have to face that person every day when you are working. I think working lives and personal lives should be separate. If anything went wrong, it would make things very awkward for you both.Can I ask why she only wants sex with you, but doesn't want to date you?. Has she given any reasons why?. Are you ok with just having sex?. Does she just want a one night stand, or a friends with benefits kind of arrangement?.I'm also curious as to why she has only recently become attracted to you, when she has known you for ten years?. I'm assuming it has only been recently, and I am assuming this is the first time she has asked you to have sex with her?. I thought she might have felt that way about you when she first met you. Or was she unavailable before?. I think it's creepy though if she has fancied you for ten years and is just asking you to have sex with her now. Could you tell us more about this?.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 March 2014):
 Nope.
Don't crap where you eat.
If it turns out that the sex was bad (for either of you) Or one of you start to get emotionally attached and the other doesn't, you will have a problem and subsequently potential drama. Then you have OTHER employees who feels like SHE might be getting a better deal (for example) because YOU sleep with her. Also I find it a little unprofessional of YOU and HER to consider it. I could carry on the list.
There are SO many reasons to NOT do it, only one TO do it, and that is you are both available.
...............................
|
