A
female
age
22-25,
*aitlyncanada
writes:I dated my ex for 18 months, I described him as the perfect guy. He was sweet , fun, caring and funny. See could sit and talk for hours and we had insane chemistry. I did break up with him 10 months ago because we were just in different places in our lives. He was 7 years older then me and talking about moving in with each other and marriage and kids. I wasn’t ready for that. We both started dating other people. A few weeks ago we ran into each other. Seeing him was so hard. The minute I heard his voice every single emotion and feeling I had for him came back. When my bf dropped me off at home he was parked across the street waiting for me. As soon as my bf left I went over to see him. We ended up talking for a long time and then had sex in his car. It was intense , it was emotional, he told he never stopped loving me and how much he missed me. I didn’t want the moment to end. I ended up going back to his apartment and spent the night with him. Since then I told my boyfriend I needed a break and have been texting and calling with my ex daily. He broke up with his girl friend the night we slept together. I told my family what happened and they are upset, they all said it won’t last and that my Ex and I were selfish for doing what we did when we both had relationships. The loved my ex when we dated. His roommate told him he was thinking with his dick and not his brain and that it willNever last. Are we stupid for giving this another try ?
View related questions:
a break, broke up, my ex, roommate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Chip  +, writes (19 January 2022):
 Sometimes, I think something like this has to happen to make a person realize what they had in the beginning. I think you do love him and it seems that he loves you too. The sex is a natural way to verify that you really do love each other. During the time the 2 of you were apart, I know you got some dick from the other guy and surely, he got a little pussy too, but I now believe that you 2 are about to realize that maybe, you were meant for each other. I would love to talk with you a little more privately, if you will get in touch with me a chip36rh at yahoo Let me hear from you. Thanks
A
male
reader, Chip +, writes (19 January 2022):
Sometimes, I think something like this has to happen to make a person realize what they had in the beginning. I think you do love him and it seems that he loves you too. The sex is a natural way to verify that you really do love each other. During the time the 2 of you were apart, I know you got some action from the other guy and surely, he got a little action too, but I now believe that you 2 are about to realize that maybe, you were meant for each other.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2022): So he did the right thing and ended his relationship, that's assuming you trust that he has. As others have said why have you not ended it with your boyfriend?
Posting the question on here shows you have doubts and not completely ending it with your boyfriend also hints at you are not sure?
You can almost certainly give it another go and no that doesn't make you stupid, I've heard lots of couples over the years say there families didn't agree with their relationship and say it won't last and they have been together decades so it worked. Yes to a certain extent their opinion matters because unlike us we don't know him and your history together to really make that judgement. However you are an adult, albeit a young lady so ultimately it is your call. All I will say is you need to hand on heart ask yourself was he ever abusive or coercive when he was with you or was the split genuinely because it was crunch time on moving in together and having children because if you ever felt he tried to pressure you then he is not a man you should be going back to
I still have to wonder if he is your first live and you haven't let go of him but you haven't finished with your current boyfriend, is that because deep down you know he is safer?
Give yourself a few days, don't meet either man and really ask yourself whether it would be the right thing to do to give it another go x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2022): "I told my family what happened and they are upset, they all said it won’t last and that my Ex and I were selfish for doing what we did when we both had relationships. The loved my ex when we dated. His roommate told him he was thinking with his dick and not his brain and that it will Never last."
And they are all 100% CORRECT!!!
Sweetheart, do you realize all this is centered around sex?
There is nothing like post-breakup sex. Nostalgia is a cousin to fantasy. Fantasy is what gives it that oomph! In your imagination, it's better sex than you've ever had; because it's fresh like the first-time.
"Ex-sex" is like taking a drug. It's intoxicating, and it clouds and distorts your better judgement. There's nothing like that dopamine-rush that gets you so euphoric; you're up on cloud-9 for what seems like forever! Throw-in a few more factors; like missing each-other, reminiscing about nothing but the good-things of the past. Meanwhile, you've forgotten why you broke-up! Then there's the enticing sweetness of tasting the forbidden-fruit. All that mess about still loving each-other is hogwash. You were overcome with lust for each-other!
You both were in active relationships; and you just dumped them like they meant nothing. These people invested their trust and feelings; and "ex-sex" overruled, and canceled-out all that they've risked to take a chance on the two of you. You've hurt someone, sweetheart! You are very young, so you get a pass. You have much to learn; but he is the mature one. He knows much better than you.
When the mist evaporates, and you two come-down off cloud-9; the reality will remind you of what happened that caused the relationship to end. Sex is usually good when you're only 18 or 25 years old. Hormones alone will see to that! There is more to it than that. There's trust and faithfulness, which are what nurtures true-love. You've yet to learn what I mean by this.
Let's see how you feel a few weeks from now? When your horny-mones settle-down; and you'll start having flashbacks about those fights and arguments that lead-up to the breakup. Then you'll both start regretting what you did, and begin wanting your exes back. You'll both come crawling back with all kinds of lame excuses.
They will have every right to tell the both of you to go fly a kite!!! It was far too easy for the two of you to cheat on them; and they will never be able to trust either of you. When would you see each-other again, and pull the same stunt?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2022): I don't see the problem with you both giving it another try. You both seem to still have something and both seem to want so see each other.
But you must finish with your boyfriend NOW, no matter what you decide. You can't leave him hanging, having no clue that you're actually having sex with someone else. And ask yourself if you're ready for what your ex wants i.e. marriage and children? Talk to him about it, then decide what to do. Maybe you're meant to be together. Just don't ride roughshod over other people's feelings to get what you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (16 January 2022):
 Your ex has actually finished with his partner the night you slept together. You just told your's you needed a break. Is that because if it does not work out with your ex you can go back to him. I do think this is very wrong, as ultimately you cheated on him, so the right thing to do is to break it off with him.
The reason's that you broke up in the first place, how do you know that this is not going to happen again.
He wanted marriage, moving in together, kids, and you diden't. Chances are nothing has changed and he still wants these things, the question is do you?. Looking at your age bracket of 18-21 i would probably say that your still not ready for this.
Are you stupid for giving it another try?. Well that's a decision only you can make. But in my opinion i would say it would be a mistake, and by the sounds of it your family think the same thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2022): I would not use a derogatory term like " stupid", but if nothing has changed since when you and this guy were dating the first time, then a second try is rather pointless and futile. He is still 7 years older than you obviously :) but if in the meantime you have not caught up with him ( and you probably have not ,yet ) well he still wants to live together and have kids from you, and you still are not ready for all that ( and rightly so, if you ask me.Why should you be ready at just 18- 21 ?? That would be an exception not the rule, in our current society! )so, same as it did not pan out the first time, it won't this time either.Unless either one or both Force yourselves to change your mind, and your plans and wishes and priorities.Which is never a good way to get a listino happy relationship..
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (16 January 2022):
 Worst case scenario: you're only wasting each other's time if it doesn't last.
My question to you would be: has anything changed since last time? You broke up for a reason - he wanted to settle down, you felt too young - has that changed at all? If not, then you will simply play out the same scenario all over again. You wouldn't re-read a book or re-watch a movie and expect a different ending so why would you revisit a relationship which didn't work previously if nothing had changed? I am sure it is flattering to believe your ex was pining for you all the time you were apart but he wasn't pining for you sufficiently to stop him dating someone else, and you were not pining for him sufficiently to stop you dating someone else. If you hadn't run into each other, would the feelings you profess to have for each other have just fizzled out over time? Sorry, but it sounds much more like lust than love to me. While nobody should under-estimate how powerful an emotion lust is, it is not a good foundation on which to build a long successful relationship.
For me it's rather telling that you have told the guy you were with that you needed a "break", rather than breaking up all together. Are you keeping him on the back burner as a plan B? If so, that is very cruel. Whatever the outcome of this rehashed relationship, you need to finish with him properly and let him move on with his life.
...............................
|
