A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Before I ask this question, I'm going to ask that if you want to answer, just answer respectfully.I recently started seeing a 30 year old man. We have gone on a few dates before about a year ago and once about 6 months ago, but I sort of backed off because he is 9 years older than me (I was a little intimidated) I was dating a couple other guys living close to me, and also busy with work and school. Well, a couple months ago he contacted me and I decided to give it a try and just be myself and be confident.So we've been seeing each other regularly. Having sex regularly..for the last few months. He lives about 45 min away. I decided to be more honest and just show interest in him. We see each other a couple times a week at least, but I don't know if we are "dating" or just "friends with benefits". I've never had a longterm boyfriend (only one long distance, which lasted four years) and not that experienced with guys in general. This is what's been going on. We text but not every day. He asks me when he can see me. Sometimes I make plans. I usually go to him (still living at home but about to move out), but sometimes he comes here. We've gone out to eat only a few times, but dinner and a movie aren't really the kind of things I like doing. He always pays for whatever we do, even when I offer. He takes me skateboarding or we go to a park or something outdoors. I spend the night at his place and he spends the night at mine every time we see each other and we always have sex. I've met his room mate. I've met 5 of his friends. (He hasn't met mine, but I would introduce him to them eventually.) We've only hung out with his friends once. He will bring me food from his work. He cooks for me and it's amazing (I am trying to get better at cooking so I can cook for him). Last week he came over and we ended up spending two days straight together. We went to the beach, then the next day just hung out at home together. Maybe that sounds kind of clingy, but he makes me feel like he wants me there. We go to the store together, go shopping or buy records, we play guitar together, watch movies or shows. He is very sweet to me, but sometimes he is not as affectionate as others (I figure this is normal). We don't always plan the next time we see each other until a day or two before or sometimes if we are free, the same day.I know he likes me as a person, likes spending time with me, and feel that he cares for me to some extent, but he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend or anything. Maybe he just likes the situation for what it is? Also, am I putting too much emphasis on defining the relationship I have with this guy too soon? Should I just let things develop naturally (if they do)? I think if things keep going well, then I eventually want to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. Should I ask him how he feels and what he wants right now, or give it more time?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2014):
 It sounds like it's going well.
IF you want to know where you stand with him ask him. Something like "I'm having such a lovely time with you, I was wondering how you feel about us spending time together and where we stand as a couple"
What i do with my hubby is ask him
"How are WE?" which is very different than "how are YOU?"
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (29 May 2014):
Sounds like you both do a lot of stuff that long term couples do. You just need the verbal re-assurance. Perhaps this is just something you need to bring up and talk it over with him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 May 2014):
 For a 30 year old man to have a tender, delectable 19-year-old woman available is a true definition of "Nirvana."
As long as you are available for sex, what is in it for him to do anything else - or go any further - in establishing a REAL "relationship"??????
Answer that question, and you will have the "answer" to whatever question you seem to be posing, herein....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 May 2014):
 I agree ASK him. I agree that NOW is not the time to beat around the bush. YOU are both grown up, so ask him straight out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): I think once you've been seeing each other regularly for at least three months, the time has come to ask whether this is a mutually exclusive relationship or not.
I say ask him
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