| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Are trust issues contagious? I just broke up with my first boyfriend, of 3 and a half years. We'd been having issues. In short, he didn't trust me, because before I was with him I'd hooked up with random guys at parties (no sex though). He disliked my friends 'cause they did the same kind of stuff, and when I hooked up with guys was usually when I was out with them partying. So I kind of had to stop seeing them.Well, I started feeling so insecure and he became my everything. We'd always hang out and he was the closest person to me. So I started hating it when he went out with his friends. So he also stopped going out.I'm also insecure about my looks, and became very jealous whenver he mentioned a girl or celeb was hot. I started obsessing over this and asking him a lot, which he interpreted as nagging. Everytime he refused to talk about it I became increasingly insecure.I lost interest in my friends. I no longer felt like going out with them because I preferred staying in with him. It wasn't a problem.Well, today he told me he kind of resented me because he felt like he couldn't do anything. That he could never see his friends and he was bored of always being with me. That he wanted to be with his friends more.I felt really bad about this, since I don't feel the same. And also because most of his friends are single, so they always go out with other single girls or go out to hook up with girls. I told him this and he became even more upset. I get insecure that he'll meet someone more interesting or better looking. He told me that if that happened, then so be it. He said he was sick of me not letting him do anything, and that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. I don't know but I just don't like him going out without me. I feel excluded and like I'm not good enough. Also because I lost all my friends so if I'm not with him, I'm basically alone. Ever since I left high school I met new people, but no one that I connect with so well like my old friends that I ost because of him. And they're not here anymore. He told me I could go out, but that if i did, I had to tell him where I was going, who I was going with, at what time I'd be back, and that I better not cheat on him or talk to other guys (since he didn't trust me).I dumped him anyway. He made me feel so bad. Of course now he must be happy that he's finally free, and i can't help but feel bad about it. Especially since he never tried to give me reassurance about the things I thought were important.But now I'm really heartbroken and lonely. What can I do? I feel like a loser and a failure of a girlfriend, and I hate knowing that he feels much better without me than with me. It makes me feel like I'm a bitch and a bore. In the beginning everything was so different, I was his precious, we both went out and had no trust issues and everything was fine, but the more we found out about each other's friends and the past the worse it became. I love him so much and feel like it's all my fault, but I just can't stand that he prefers to hang out with other people instead of being with me. So I guess it's better that we broke up. I just can't feel ok if he goes out partying (probably with other girls) while I have no desire to do so and I stay home wishing I was with him. Help.
View related questions:
broke up, heartbroken, insecure, jealous, no desire Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): I'm the original poster. By the way, what do guys do and talk about when they're out with their buddies? Is it more fun than spending time with your girlfriend? So you check out other women and wish your girl looked/acted like that? Do you flirt a lot? Do you wish you were single, etc? What exactly happens? It's been so long since I went to a girls night out (and the last time if I remember correctly was at a friend's house, all girls, some booze, no guys).
I also don't like that my boyfriend can drink too much. Last time we went out (for New year's) Me and a friend of his practially had to drag him out of the pub and he doesn't remember much of that night. I also dislike that some of his friends, well they smoke pot and given the chance, he will smoke pot...
Just how important is bonding over chicks? One of his best friends is a total perv, even though his girlfriend is OK about and even jokes about it... she once told me a story about them, both my bf and his were at college and the friend had a camcorder... he had the brilliant idea of recording girls walking from the back, focusing on their butts... this girl was so amused by that story, while I was appalled... my boyfriend has also told me that guy has cheated on his gf - she doesn't know, of course - and that he has tons and tons of porn.
I know I'm nor a very attractive female, so this whole "chick" element of male bonding doesn't sit well with me... especially when booze is involved.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 February 2010):
This is something that happens a lot. A man comes along, sees a woman, goes out with her, doesn't like her friends and decides to take control. You feel bad, but you're not the one who's bad at all. HE made you give up your friends because he couldn't handle them. HE is the hypocrite. HE was the problem, not you at all. You didn't do anything wrong at all. He's a really crappy guy. He really is. Get back out there with your friends and have fun. Find a guy who isn't so insecure and pathetic. Read what you've written. Everything that went wrong was caused by his own acts of insecurity. Not yours. This is not your fault. So be brave, and take control of your own life again. Get back out there and find a good guy, not a pathetic little boy who thinks he can control you.
...............................
|
