A
female
age
30-35,
*enshikoneko
writes:This one might be a little long, so I apologize in advance. October 3rd 2011, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 happy months. It might seem like a short time we were together, but we spent every day of it together so it certainly felt longer than it actually was. Before I met him, I had a long line of unsuccessful relationships. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, but somehow many guys seemed to end up cheating on me, and I had been abused by one of them. But not him, he was different. He genuinely cared about me and respected me. He said I caught his eye because of how cute I was. I had recently broken up in December, the previous year so a lot of pain was fresh in my mind and heart. But he reassured me. He also went through a hardship but didn’t say much about it. We had the same serious thoughts about love, things we liked, what we didn’t. What we hoped our lives would be like. We had similiar interests in music, media and personal beliefs. I fell very hard and fast for him, we ended up together on May 4th. It was the small period in life that I had felt genuinely happy. To be loved and giving love, I thanked God. I was so thankful everyday for him I cried a lot because of it. The feelings we shared, it felt so good.We broke up in October when he told me he didn't think I could give him everything he wanted. I took this very hard knowing he had actually cheated on me for awhile prior to the break-up, with a girl who already had a boyfriend.During the time of the break-up, I basically ended up telling anyone who would listen my feelings. Everybody listened, but I only truly felt like one person really understood me. He told me that she was wrong. That I had every right to feel what I did. That she is a cheater. That what he did was wrong and he was bad for lying to me and filling me with false hope. Of all the people I’ve confided in, he was the only person who had the strength to say what he felt. You know? Everyone will just say, oh that’s awful. Oh that’s wrong, she shouldn’t have done that. But he actually tried to help. Not even in just saying that and reassuring me, but he even tried talking to my ex at some points. It moved me. As I learned more about this person we ended up being a trio. Him, another girl, and myself. We all ended up being good friends. I always felt that something was different about him. Not just the way he reacted to the situation, but that he understood me from a way nobody else did. Eventually he became my role model. I’ve never had one before, I’ve never admired someone the way I admired him. He felt like Dad to me. He was so mature. His morals, and his beliefs and the way he expresses himself are all amazing to me.At some point I felt that I loved him. I started to realize, that I look up and admire this person so much that I can’t handle it. But I had to. The other girl we were friends with, liked him. While they weren’t official, there are no room for my feelings. So I surpressed them. I went back to being attached to this great and amazing guy who was my best friend who understands me like no one else. My special friend.Sometimes people would accuse me of liking him. But that’s silly. It’s impossible for me to like someone else’s boyfriend. I should know better than anyone else how wrong that is. I came up with a bunch of reasons why it could never work. But in the end all this said is that I had thought about it. Which still meant I was interested.The broke up about a month ago and he took it very hard. While they were never officially dating, because she liked him and told him, he developed feelings for her and wanted something more from the relationship. She led him on for 6 months and used him for a lot of personal chores. She knew 3 months prior that she had no interest in going out with him but she continued on with it instead of letting him move on. I was there for both of them and eventually she let go and stopped talking to him. A couple weeks ago I began flirting with someone for the first time after my break up. He was okay, we were both interested in something. He didn't really meet all my standards but I was interested never the less. My friend then approached me and told me he was upset seeing me flirt with somebody else and that it made him jealousy. He then told me that he liked me. I didn't know what to do at first. I cried a lot because I knew that I would have to make a decision to either hurt my best friend, or have led on somebody else. I tried to convince myself with many reasons before as to why it’d be impossible for us to be together. I even told this to many people, to convince them that I didn’t have feelings for him in the past. We had a small bit of an age difference he is 17 and I am 20, and he was also a friends ex. I can’t do that. When he told me he liked me, I told him these reasons. He told me, not to rationalize it. That’s what I was doing by stating these things? While they were legitimate concerns of mine. I really thought it would never actually happen. The person that I looked up to and thought so highly of for so long likes me? It’s surreal. Even though my friend and I were not particularily close, I still felt like it was wrong to pursue that with him after they had been together. But when I told her, she congratulated me.Recently however, her friends have been coming to me angry saying that I lied to them about not liking him. While it was true at the time I surpressed the feelings I have now, I can't help but think that maybe she lied to me. That she isn't over it and I really don't have her permission to see him.As well, the friends of the guy I was interested in are going on about me and talking down of me.I trust him a lot, it was built off of a seriously solid friendship. It’s been a little difficult trying to transition from friends to honorable Christian partners.Given out backgrounds, our personal morals and how well we sync up, he is someone I could be really serious with. But I also want to consider other peoples feelings.I know this is a huge step in life, but I don't want anyone to be hurt by it, his friends, his ex and her friends too because how they feel is important too. What should I do?
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best friend, broke up, cheated on me, christian, flirt, his ex, jealous, move on, my ex, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Follow your own heart, stop worrying about what everybody else thinks and start looking in to making yourself happy. It's great that you care about other people, but at the end of the day, it is your life and your choice who you see and who you don't. You done the right thing by being honest to your friend and she gave you her permission, therefore you should take this as a good sign and go for it. At the end of the day her friends are probably just acting this way because you had told them you never liked him. If they say this to you again, remind them that people's feelings can change.
When it comes to his friends, tell him about it and see what there problem is. At the end of the day, you both like each other so go for it, life is to short.
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