A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have known my current boyfriend 4 years, we have been together on and off for periods of time over that four years and have a lot of history.He has a child from a previous relationship, who he does not currently see regulary, but has made the decision to move closer to recently, this comes at a time where our relationship has just got back on track, he currently lives within walking distance of me, he is moving to a place that is a lot more difficult for me to get to. He did all the decision making on his own, and did not involve me in it at all on this front.The ex who is mother to the child is the only person he has ever loved bar me (supposably), he goes on about her all the time, still has her name tattooed on his arm and has made no attempt to get it covered( the relationship ended 5 years ago) and although I understand she is the mother of his child and will always be in his life, the mentioning of her romantically turns my stomach.He also he has just announced he has a new job in a bar, he has previously been known as a bit of a womaniser, and this bothers me quite a bit. Again this was done without any of my knowledge.He started off constantly wanting to see me constantly telling me he loved me, making an effort to see me, suggesting things we did together, and other things. This has completely dwindled, I only see him now if I suggest it, and I make the effort to go to him, rather than the other way round. He has leant money off me and made no effort to pay it back and other things that all makes me think he is just using me for money and sex, and doesn't want a relationship at all. Combined with the fact he never wants to see me and other things I just feel worthless.I can't tell him how I feel as he always turns things round to be my fault, and as a result even writing this is making me feel quite selfish for feeling this way. Am I selfish or am I justified in feeling jealousy for his ex, bothered by the fact he is surrounded by women and annoyed at the complete lack of involvement I have in his life. He knows none of this by the way, I have kept it to myself in a quite convincing manner, I don't let any of these feelings show to him.
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his ex, jealous, money, period, tattoo, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, muffy  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 well thats the problem.you need to let him know how you feel.and he has a son so of course its gonna be kinda hard for him not to see his ex.its not bad to feel jealous because you cant help it.its an emotion and you have to deal with it.if he seriously talks about his ex wife and borrows money without paying you back then drop him.kick him to the curb.let him know that you dont appreciate him not paying you back,making decisions without you and talking about his ex wife.like you said,youve made an effort to be in his life as much as possible but if he cant see that then tell him to kick rocks.im sorry i had to tell you that but its the truth and you deserve to know.
i hope i helped
love and kisses
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 4 years on and off....it is the on and off part I focus on.
You are not justified.
His son MUST come first. He is a father first, your bf second. The fact you are on and off means he best focus on his kids needs first.
It also sounds like he is still hoping to work things out with the ex. I think you may want to move on completely.
-Frank B Kermit
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