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Am I just a sex buddy for him?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2008) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *iracles writes:


Please help me understand what a fuck buddy is and to clarify if my "boyfriend" is actually a fuck buddy.

I met him about three months ago and he's been so busy with his work and business. I see him twice a week and sometimes once. Because he finishes work arond three sometimes, he calls me and comes and sleeps over at mine around time. Sex usually happens. When I met him I did't kiss him on our first dat(which was at his house... cos he wasn't well)but kissed him the third time I saw him. He cooked for me on the second date. He's never taken me out but invites me for his company's event thou he's never officially introduce me to any of his friends or people in his life. When I go for these dos I normally go with a friend for company cos i know he'll be running around trying to make everyone comfortable...he's a self starter.

Recently because of Ramadan he can't have sex but he's slept over at mine twice in a row this week with no sex... He hardly ever calls me either and it makes me sad.

I do care for him a lot but sometimes I feel like I'm just a sex buddy. What do you think. Please help :-(

View related questions: fuck buddy, threesome

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

Hi Babes,

Thanks for the update and the clarification. So we can wipe "boyfriend" of the list, cause boyfriends usually try to take you out and do nice things for you.

He's busy at work, but he doesn't ignore you, and in your update, you say he's given you his telephone number, you've been to his house and he has introduced you to his "business associate". Not a very close relationship though, if the rest of his friends and family know nothing about you. Why don't you phone him, are you frightened or ashamed to. Has he made you feel like you shouldn't call...

Anyway stuff the labels, your relationship is whatever you and he want to make it. Fuck buddies, friends with benefits, friends, lovers and boyfriends, all sometimes can go with out sex, and want to stay next you, or use your house as somewhere to clash and sleep. Men can do this, and still have no feelings for you, so I wouldn't put much emphasis on this.

I get a strong feeling that you are not happy with this situation. Well don't ask us what it means, go and ask him. Tell him you don't feel your being treated with the respect that a "girlfriend" deserves, and your frightened he is only interested in sex, and you don't have a relationship at all.

You could also set him a small test, ask him to take you out to somewhere nice, when he has the time. A date, that's what "boyfriends" try to do. Or stop having sex with him, tell him you don't think it's right that all you do together is have sex, and it's making you feel uncomfortable.

If you do any of these things, he will have to clarify your relationship and tell you what you mean to him and how you fit into his life.

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A female reader, miracles United Kingdom +, writes (11 September 2008):

miracles is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yep my friends have met him & I've met his business partner...He doesn't ignore be he always comes for a brief chat at least twice or thrice uring the event (He does events promotion)then he get's back to work or mingles with people...

I think you are right thou, I deserve to be treated better. I have his telephone number an I've been to his house. I do call him when I want to but he does most of the calling. If he's using me for sex how come he has spent a number of nights at mine with no sex?? It's confusing.... but no I don't think I can call hm a boyfriend

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008):

That is not what i would call a real relationship..A boyfriend will call you just to c how everything is going...Introduce you to his friends and family as his girlfriend..Go out with friends (yours and his) just to hang out or go do something fun together..If you guys where dating then you wouldnt be asking this question because you would know.... Hope this helped

and Good luck


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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008):

Here babes, read this link, it provides a good description of the differences between a "fucky buddy" and a "friend with benefits" (a friend you have sex with)

He dosen't call you. You see him once to twice a week, never, ever more than that. He comes to your house late and has sex with you, but that's all you do. He has never taken you out, none of his friends, family or the people he associates with know that you are in his life.

This is not a boyfriend. Boyfriends can't stay away, the love to talk to you all the time, they like to take you out and show you off to everyone, they want to spend every spare minute with you, give your presents, gifts and little things that will make you happy. I wouldn't even call this a buddy, because what he's doing to you, dosen't sound friendly at all. He knows you care about him, what dose he do to show you he cares? have sex? call you? take you out? Normal friends do all these type of things and more. Do you have his telephone number, do you have his address, are you allowed to call him? Have any of your friends or family met him? I bet they have not.

This guy likes having sex with you and that is all. You allow him to treat you like this because you care about him. I bet if you ask for more, if you ask to be treated like a proper girlfriend, he will either make some lame excuse or he will drop you like a hot potatoe cake. This is not a boyfriend, he's some guy that comes to your house regularly to have sex with you, invites you to company events, where he ignores you, not a boyfriend and not a friend at all...

Sorry, you should demand and expect better treatment for yourself, don't let him make you sad, go out and find someone who treats you with the respect that you deserve. Blessings, and good luck.

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A female reader, Bubblegum-Pink United Kingdom +, writes (9 September 2008):

Bubblegum-Pink agony auntI don't think that this is necessarily a fuck buddy relationship, perhaps just not a healthy one. How you're feeling is perfectly understandable and my advice would be to end it with this guy and seek someone else who has the time and devotion to be a proper boyfriend to you.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (9 September 2008):

Well if you don't do anything together except hang out and have sex then it's not a good relationship to be in.

You can have a boyfriend who is only interested in sex, a "fuck buddy" is someone you are up front with and you both agree that it's just about having fun, no feelings involved.

If you don't go out and talk and spend time together then it's a bad relationship and don't be in it. There is no point trying to label it. You want a decent guy who will call you and care about you and this guy is not that.

Good Luck!! xx

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