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Difference between a fuck buddy and a friend with benefits and what do you think of the whole thing?

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Question - (29 April 2008) 13 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My friends and I were talking and she said she had "a friend with benefits". I said "So you have a fuck buddy?" And she said, they were different things? Cant someone explain the difference to me between a fuck buddy and a friend with benefits and also what they think of the whole thing.

View related questions: friend with benefits, fuck buddy

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008):

i think its great personally. a no pressure way of having stable sex with someone who wants you back. as for the differences, i think some people just don't want to admit its for the sex. so friends with benefits is just another way of saying mutual sex slaves, A.K.A. fuck buddies. women will usually say friends with benefits whereas a man would say fuck buddies in the same situation. the level of communication, or how close the partners are is entirely dependent on what the two parties decide.

my advice is to get one if you can. helps confidence and self esteem, and of course your performance. no downsides really.

good hunting

hodynohandle

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A male reader, Mr. Ethical Slut United States +, writes (12 July 2008):

In my article, "Booty Call, Fuck Buddy, or Friend with Benefits?", I explored the differences between the different dating roles. For the full article go here:

http://www.datingthoughts.com/2008/07/02/booty-call-fuck-buddy-or-friend-with-benefits/

But to specifically answer your question, here is what I think the difference is:

FUCK BUDDY

Calling Pattern:

Calls or texts are initiated to see what is happening that night or around town. Calls are usually focused around the social scene and whether paths will cross during the night.

Social Behavior:

Fuck buddies are able to be with each other in public. They often bump into each other at the same parties, bars, and clubs. Fuck buddies will seldom make plans with each other. Meetings are usually more spur of the moment or if there is nothing better happening. Fuck buddies can meet at the venue where the other fuck buddy is at and then go home with each other, whereas, booty calls will usually just meet where they will have sex.

Sentiment:

Fuck buddies are social play friends. The relationship is built on fun, casualness, and sex. They may be actively dating other people and are not interested in dating the other fuck buddy. Fuck buddies will usually only hang out if sex will ensue afterwards. Depending on the relationship, sex could be exclusively with each other or open to other people. This type of relationship ends if one of the members starts to seriously romantically date another person. However, if that partner returns to single status, the fuck buddy relationship can be reestablished.

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FRIEND WITH BENEFITS

Calling Pattern:

Will call to just talk or make plans to hang out.

Social Behavior:

For the most part, these two people are friends. The big difference between their other friendships is sex. Friends with benefits have the ability to go out on date-like activities, which is useful for formal parties and weddings. However, real dates are not initiated because there is no romantic interest between the partners. The intention of hanging out is because they enjoy similar activities and each other’s company. Sex is an optional part of the relationship. If one partner has sex outside of the relationship, it does not end their friendship. Instead, the sex element is taken out of the relationship and they continue to be friends. Sex can also come back into the friendship when both parties are ready for it.

Sentiment:

This relationship is primarily about friendship. Friends with benefits care about the other; however, they are not interested in romantically dating each other. They are able to have sex with each other without it being awkward because they either have a good foundation for their relationship and/or communicate really well with each other. Since friendship is more valued than sex, sex is often sacrificed for the sake of the friendship. Friends with benefits are also able to talk about each other’s dating lives.

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Hope this helps. Look at my post if you want to know how those differ from a one night stand and a girlfriend/boyfriend. Good Luck!

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A female reader, supersoaker45 United States +, writes (18 June 2008):

supersoaker45 agony auntFriends With Benefits (FWB)

Two friends with a very casual dating relationship. The benefits can be really good, long, flirty conversations; make-out sessions with no commitment; sex without commitment; Movies,Paties, Clubbing etc.Two fairly close, or very close friends have the hots for one another. They do have some sort of caring for one another, but it is not one of a romantic couple.

Fuck Buddy (FB)

Sexual partner (male or female) with whom there is no danger of attachment, commitment or other complications.A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend , with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you both want sex and nothing more. Sex is usually every so often (seeing each other in the club, you are horney and no one else is avaiable etc.)

They are very close to the same, with neither is there room for a relationship and one is not being sought.

I myself am a friend with benefits and I enjoy it. I like my friend though I feel myself attatched at time I never push the issue because I know that I can't go there because I am married. My friend unlike my husband is easy to talk to and is very attenteive to my sexual needs where my husband is lacking. He has encouaged me to talk to my husband and try to find out what is going on with him. He has even stepped back to give me time to try a work things out at home. He has given me advice from a male perspective, and has never used what I tell him to play games with me. We have been FWB since Jan. 08. and it's been great. As a few of the respondants said be very careful if you are an emotional person, because it is easy to get caught up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008):

There is a difference....

A fuck buddy- is not your friend, you do not spend time with them beyond having sex, and you ONLY see each other when y'all are about to fuck. Absolutely no emotional attachment in this relationship purely physical.

However,

Friends with Benefits- is a friend, you confide in the friend, you hang out with the friend, you talk to this friends about serious things not just sex things. You actually like and care about this person. And the sex may seem very good because you feel like you know the person and you can show your emotional side. Problem is if y'all are such good friends, and the sex is so good then why aren't y'all together?? And this is why the FWB relationship usually fails (sigh).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008):

There's no difference between the two of them.

Maybe you friend is just lying to herself about what she is to this guy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

I'd say a friend with benefits is someone you have a friendship with as well as sex or sexual favours. But a fuck buddy is someone you like or are with solely for the sex! Both are pretty wrong in my opinion, I believe you should just stick with one guy or girl that you truly love.

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A female reader, lexilou United Kingdom +, writes (29 April 2008):

lexilou agony auntI've had two and they were both different. (Not at the same time and only when I was single). The first one was more than sex and although we never fell in love I will always have a lot of affection for him. He was my rock when I needed a cuddle and a chat and vice versa. The second one was just wild sex and someone to hang out with and laugh with. I think of them both as fuck buddies and would have one again if the situation called for it! However some women would find it hard not to fall in love - I wasnt looking for love at the time and neither of them are the kind of guy I would date or marry. Just be careful x

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (29 April 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntPurely semantics.

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A female reader, natasia United Kingdom +, writes (29 April 2008):

natasia agony auntFor me, the definitions would be:

Friend with benefits = a (usually good) friend who you occasionally have sex with

Fuck buddy = a person who you just have pretty much exclusively for occasional sex as suits you both

In both cases, be careful, because you risk the following:

1) Either you or your friend falling for each other and the other not returning it and the friendship being lost

2) Falling for an inappropriate fuck buddy just because the sex is good

It depends what you're like. Personally I'm not good at not attaching to someone ... I get quickly attached, and easily hurt. : (

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A female reader, cute angel Australia +, writes (29 April 2008):

cute angel agony auntwell fuck buddy is one u can have sex with like anywhere and anytime ..u dont even need to plan out!!where as friends with benefits are the people u can relate to when u have problems and u can assure they will be there for you.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (29 April 2008):

hlskitten agony auntPersonally i think a fcuk buddy is someone you use for sex, thats it. No friendship as such.

friend with benefits is someone you hang out with AND have sex with too, but no emotional entanglement.

C xxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

I would say a fuck buddy is someone you only have sex with, whereas a friend with benefits is a friend with specific benefits ... to be defined by the parties.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (29 April 2008):

Eh? As far as I knew they were the same. There are no dictionary definitions on this kind of thing so you'll need to ask her what she is on about.

I prefer the term friends with benefits to be honest as it doesn't contain swearing.

As to what I think of the whole thing, well it can work if you are 2 people who are close, single, experienced with sex and all the emotions that come with it, find each other not ugly, and who have absolutely no interest in a long term thing.

It's basically a one night stand with some one you know and quite fancy meeting up for a pint with at a later date. Or a human sex toy you can just use then ignore for a while.

If one of the couple has ANY kind of feelings for the other then it will not work. I had a friend who got really messed up by being friends with benefits with a guy who she'd been in love with all year at college.

He just wanted easy sex, she was doing it because it meant she could be with him and in the hope it would lead to something more.

He ended it and went off to uni, she went off sleeping round and getting a bad reputation because that little bit of a thrill of knowing someone fancied you enough to have sex with you was all she knew how to do.

The other way it can go is that the couple gets so comfy with each other that they suddenly end up in a relationship that isn't real, that isn't love, but seems to work in everyday life. I think that is the saddest thing off all. To settle for that in life is like saying "well I could have been a ballerina / architect, but I got a job at Aldi in college so I'll stick with that."

I don't think I would have been ready for that kind of emotional detachment at college as I was too immature.

Be very very careful if you are thinking of getting into it. It's far more fun to go through the whole thrill of boy drama anyway.

Good Luck!! xx

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