A
female
age
41-50,
gabi
writes:I have starting seeing a man who i have become very fond of, From the beginning he himself, and his sister-in-law have said be careful, i was gonna get hurt, however it seems, or i thought - they were wrong, he speaks on msn to me every day or texts me. Sometimes he is nice, other times he is horrible, i have put money on his phone, also i have leant him money to buy what i know is cocaine. He smokes cigarettes and has at least two joints a day, and has cocain about 1 or twice a week, can i be getting used just to feed his habit or do you think i am being paranoid?
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female
reader, Cindy303  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I dont see that your doing yourself or him any good by giving him money or thinking that he only does drugs a few times a week. It sounds like your making excuses for what you already know deep insidey you. If he is using drugs on a daily basis, then he sure wont be able to hold a job or do anything productive. The only thing an addict thiks about is his/her next score. "How can I get what I need and who can I get it from?" Right down to the money you give him to buy it. You need to leave this situation. No addict can change without wanting it themselves.
A
female
reader, PhoenixFiresky +, writes (2 April 2008):
Iyanla Vanzant, the author, had two excellent pieces of relationship advice to give. First, she said that, "When you see crazy coming, cross the street" which means that as soon as you can see a relationship or situation you are approaching involves "craziness" force yourself to stay far away from it, no matter how drawn to it you may feel. Any situation that involves any sort of mind/mood altering drugs on a daily basis, or any recreational use of harder drugs on any basis at all, is automatically crazy, because someone who is under the influence isn't able to give you their best in a relationship. The second piece of advice was, "When people tell you who they are, believe them." This man, and even his sister-in-law have told you that you're going to get hurt. The true meaning of that, translated, is: YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT! Believe that. You've been warned - and because he's warned you, chances are the guy will feel no guilt for any actions he takes (including using you for money/drugs) because, after all, he warned you and you walked right into it with your eyes wide open. Whether his intentions are to use you or not isn't the point. The point is that this man simply isn't capable of having a real, honest, adult relationship at this time - and won't be, until he gets away from the drugs and addresses whatever causes him to need to get high. It's hard enough to make relationships work even under the best of conditions, and those don't exist with this guy. You deserve to put your effort into a relationship that has the best possible chance of succeeding. So go find a guy who can really be there for you ALL of the time, instead of trying to fit you in around his busy drug schedule.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (2 April 2008):
 His first priority is drugs and everything he does revolves how he will get them so people and friendships will be sacrificed if they don't provide a means to an end. He isn't in the right mindset to be a good friend or boyfriend- he will drop anyone that doesn't directly contribute or share his habit. I think you caught on to this and that's why you give him money- it certainly isn't out of the goodness of your heart. Drug addicts have a predatory nature when caught up in an addiction- especially with the harder drugs. I seriously doubt he only uses cocaine 2x per week and the fact that he msn's you and texts you probably has more to do with the need to interract while on cocaine and less to do with you as a person. Either that, or he is securing that potential money you are going to give him. Smoking the two joints a day also seems to indicate more frequent cocaine use, or else he'd be up for days. He has his drug routine down pact- these are the worst kind of addicts because it takes them so much longer to get help- they are chronic users. What the two of you are doing to each other is destructive to both of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Hi..I don't think your paranoid..I work as a support worker looking after many people who have many diff problems...be carefull how you act and say around people, untill your friendship grows..
The one thing that matters in this friendship is you. and don't let poeople walk over you, because you seek more from a friend ship..
Take care..'AL'..Scotland/uk
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