A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunt's.I'd like a little help here please.I have been seeing someone for about 5 years.we enjoy sex together but i have a problem with his selfishness in showing affection to me.He seems to think i should be doting on him all the time,while he has to do very little of the same,every time after we have sex i spend at the very least over half an hour giving him scalp massages,back massages,kissing him all over massaging his feet, ect.He just rolls over onto his belly and excepts me to do these things,don't get me wrong i love making him happy,but i wonder What about me!sometimes' he never once has done likewise for me.He got me really cross on the weekend. He text me to say he had hurt his back,when I said better see your doctor,he said thanks for the sympathy,i thought you'd give me a back massage,he want's all the attention it seems,yet won't give me any,i think he is being very selfish and i'm starting to resent him.He even said all i want him for is sex,which is not true as i fuss over him all the time,but i am wondering just what the hell does he want me for???I think if you just take all the time and not want to give you are being very mean.am i wrong in thinking this and should i just give him away and find a man who is willing to share affection with me,and not just expect to receive it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): He wants you to do all the wifey duties so he can reap the benefits of a legal commitment without ever giving one. Would you turn down a steady income you never had to work for? He's just the one on the receiving end of that paycheck. Cut him off of the free benefits until he earns it. You aren't gaining his love and respect, just his entitlement.
A
female
reader, malletchick76  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Yeah I agree with Honeypie. Guys unfortunately cannot read minds, so you'll have to tell him! Tell him the subtle way "hey hun it'd be super cool and sexy if we could take turns massaging each other" or the blunt way "hey you know it would mean a lot if you would show me more physical affection". If he loves you, he'll try to change.
Keep reminding him, since it's been five years, it might take a while for it to stick
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Maybe it's time you speak up and point this stuff out to him. God knows he certainly won't take a hint so you mind as well come right out with it and tell him that you feel he is a bit selfish at times and rarely offers you the same benefits. He may be shocked to hear this about himself, but it might help him change just a little.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 February 2012):
 The fact you put up with it for 5 years might make him think you don't expect anything back. It might simply be that he takes you spoiling him for granted.
Do you ever ask for him to do it for you? Or do you EXPECT him to just do it on his own? Because the latter is not going to happen.
I think you would have to have a face to face talk about what you each expect of each other and see if you are on the same page.
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