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Am I being too needy? Seems I initiate everything. He cancels dates. It unsettles me.

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 June 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 June 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, *rowneyez1900 writes:

I have been dating this guy for 2 months and we have just became a couple. It wasn't discussed we just have such a connection. Which is what drew him to approach me in the first place. He has 3 kids and a ex and its recent. Hes writing a book and his job is pretty busy. We don't always communicate by text a lot or phone call, but if we do 9 out of 10 I initiate. Sometimes he does initiate and we talk everyday no matter what. He says life is hectic for him right now and he met me at a crazy time but that all will get better soon. Not to give up on him. I see him almost everyday, he makes sure he makes time for me and him. He has had to cancel dates cause of unexpected things or just being really tired.

I really, really like him. He's special. Am I just over thinking it cause im a little bothered that he does not text or call me all the time? I still see him if not 7/7 its 6/7 days. Am I being needy?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (14 June 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyeah you need to relax a bit. sounds like he's as in to you as you are in to him and just have different needs for touching base.. much like us...

my bf and i have the same thing.. i'm the emailer.... caller and he has said it's a bit much and I'm trying to back off. I want daily contact... we live 90 miles apart so it's got to be phone, text and email... and with me a little bit often means i want MORE MORE MORE and I inundate and overwhelm him.

I wish we able to see each other every day...

yeah give him some breathing space.... and relax...

what will you do to keep busy all summer...

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (14 June 2011):

RedAthena agony auntYou might have better QUALITY time if you backed off on the all the frequency.

He does not need to contact you more, he already sees you and talks to you all week. You do all the work for him.

If he is in the middle of chaos and is tired a lot, yep he is going to cancel on dates. Thus if you actually see each other LESS you will value your time together MORE.

Fill YOUR day with other things and other thoughts. Get some of your own projects too:) You do not need to be electronically tethered thru the day, in fact TOO much "togetherness" can be deteriorating for a couple.

Best Wishes.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 June 2011):

Honeypie agony auntCut him some slack, honey.

If you two spend 6/7 days together, give him a break during the day. Maybe you need to find something to keep you occupied?

I'm one of those "weird" people who doesn't text or call my husband during the work hours, unless I need some info or make sure he rememberes stuff.

Also, I would ask him what he thinks about phonecall/texts while at work. I know some people LOVE the interruption, others don't.

It's only been 2 months as well. So it takes a little while before the both of you settle into each other routines.

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A female reader, browneyez1900 United States +, writes (14 June 2011):

browneyez1900 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Broken Soilder,

From a male perspective am I just listening to my insecurities and overreacting. I have really bad anxiety and im a teacher so im off for the summer so I definitely notice when its been hours since we have spoken.

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A female reader, Lovemeright11 United States +, writes (14 June 2011):

Lovemeright11 agony auntWell guys don't call or text you if they already know you are always going to be there and available meaning you always initiate so why should he move a muscle when you are doing it all. One thing you really should try to do is not call him or text him it is very hard but let him take the reins if he really cares about you and wants to continue what you have started then he will but the only way to find out is to pull back so he can say( hmm I wonder what is going on with her and why she has not called me?) Then he will probably call. I am actually surprised that he sees you everyday cause my bf does not even do that he needs a day break or 2 to get things done in his life so that he can spend time with me and not worry about other stuff. You can always ask your man how he feels be open cause this is they key to a good relationship is to talk about whats on your mind even if it seems silly to you its still should be important to him if her cares about you. This is something i have learned from my bf now and how we work anything on my mind I open up about always. Good luck i hope this helps.

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