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Am I being over sensitive? or is my reaction understandable?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 January 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Feeling fed up!

So I'm about to turn 30 in 2 days time I've spent the last year dreading the time coming I don't know why - I know age is just s number etc however my 2 best friends have been insisting that we must do something to celebrate my birthday.

So I decided maybe it wouldn't hurt to just go out for a meal together at some point in the week of my birthday only for them up turn round and say they can't afford to go out just yet as xmas has wiped them out!

I understand that times are hard etc but I can't help but feel a little bit let down when it was them who was telling me we had to go out in the first place!

Am I just being over sensitive or am I right to feel let down??

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (10 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntIf am being honest for my birthday I usually host it myself, do a BBQ and have drinks in the house, doesn't cost a huge lot and you get to spend it with whoever you choose to invite. Hey they might be struggling with money but it doesn't mean you can't celebrate your birthday with them, even if it is just a few drinks and nibbles in the house.

I understand that you are feeling down in the dumps, therefore I don't recommend saying anything to your friends as you may regret it. Try and make the most off it. The house will come through, you will be able to have that house warming, it just might be a little longer. Focus on it as something to look forward to. Happy birthday ;-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

This sounds a bit glass half empty.

You've got two good friends who want to celebrate your birthday with you.

But if they haven't got the money right now, that's not a reflection on you. We're all a bit hard up right now. So plan something for when they can afford it. It will make your birthday last longer! As for the suggestion an aunt gave of having drinks at their place, if they're broke at the mo, I think alcohol is expensive isn't it? Maybe they would like to do more for you than a bottle of wine?

You've also reached 30! And healthy! Try to find things to celebrate.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

Oringinal poster

Thanks for your replies all great ideas but part of the reason of feeling down is I'm currently in the process of buying my first house should all have been signed for and had keys before Christmas however delays with the sellers mean I've still no keys! Otherwise I would have been having a house warming / 30th party! As much as the surprise thing would be a reasonable explanation I'd like to think they know me well enough to know id hate that I really don't do surprises! Oh well let's just hope my family pick up were they are letting me down eh? January blues and turning 30 is not a good combination lol

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2017):

N91 agony auntYeah I think I'd be quite annoyed also if you didn't really want to plan anything then they made you change your mind only to come up with excuses not to.

Aunty bimbim made a good suggestion of a film night or maybe just have a little gathering of your close friends and family at your house? Doesn't need to cost a bomb.

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A female reader, Nittynora United Kingdom +, writes (8 January 2017):

Nittynora agony auntI too dreaded becoming thirty I was so low and depressed about it. I think it was because I had not got any children yet at that time( I had my son at 38). I dreaded my 30th more that my 50th (I'm nearly 53 now). You are at the best time of your life enjoy it.

This is the trouble with people you know, people say things they mean them at the time, but they don't think. Hang on its going to be the New Year and we will be skint. Don't take it too personally they probably are well and truly skint. I think you do have a right to feel let down yes because its your special day, I would be disappointed too especially as they have built you up into going.

I agree with aunty Bimbim have a girly night in. can you cook? Cook a big curry that don't cost much or gets some nibbles and some wine. Don't be too hard on your friends I have done exactly the same thing "Oh we will do this or that" and then realise you cant because you are broke. Its nowt personal.

Have a lovely day. "Flirty at thirty" its a nice time in your life being thirty it really is.


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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (8 January 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI would be feeling a bit miffed as well .... you could try asking them if they have any low cost suggestions as they had previously seemed keen to mark the occasion.

BTW ... the best years of your life are about to begin, not only will you reach your sexual peak but you are more likely to know who you are in your 30s, your personality is pretty much developed, you now have a good idea of which areas of yourself shine and where you need to be mindful.

Maybe if money is tight you could celebrate with a girls night in, each bring a bottle of wine and a pate of nibblies and watch a chic flick or an old B&W horror movie.

And congratulations on reaching this milestone in your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

My first thought would be that they are planning to surprise you with a meal out together (or even a full-blown surprise party) but have realized they need a cover, and are covering badly.

If this is not the case, yes I would be hurt. I mean, they could have suggested a cheap alternate activity (like eating at their place, or at least drinks at their place).

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