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Why was my BF not receptive enough to my naughty Snapchat video?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 January 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2017)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I sent my BF a racy Snapchat video. I don't want to say exactly but it was definitely "naughty" and involved private parts.

Well, it took him 2 hours to see it and respond. He said... "Mmmmmm. How am I supposed to sleep tonight after seeing that my beautiful?"

Then he said he misses me. I said I miss him too. Then he goes off Snapchat. Doesn't even continue the conversation. Or say bye.

Do you think there is a red flag there? I mean, don't most guys continue the conversation after getting THAT KIND of a video? Maybe get into some sexting? If I made him that HOT, why did he not continue with me on Snapchat? I am worried he is not that turned on about it as he said or maybe had sex with someone else today and shut me down pretty quickly. A hungry man will want to talk about food, won't he? Especially if it's been offered to him on a plate!

Just does not make sense if a guy is turned on, why he would not be aggressive with you and keep the mood up. He has done it before. WHY NOT TONIGHT? And especially after this sexy video I made for him? What is going ON? The actions and words don't match.

Your thoughts?

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A female reader, like I see it United States + , writes (8 January 2017):

like I see it agony auntYour post identifies you as an adult woman but here are the obligatory words of caution anyway - *please be careful* with any nude photos/intimate videos of yourself. I've seen inappropriate things saved off Snapchat in the past (not sure if that bug has been fixed, because I don't use Snapchat) and it could potentially be very embarrassing for you if your partner did keep these and his phone were ever lost or stolen, or if the relationship were to end badly and he felt like "getting back" at you. You are a grown woman, probably with her own professional career and reputation if you are able to support your own household separate from your partner's - please be cognizant of the impact explicit media files could have on your life if they made it into the public eye.

Now, your partner didn't see your message at the time you originally planned for - any possibility he was busy with something business-related he couldn't just drop to start sexting you back? Or - not to be explicit - is it possible he'd already pleasured himself in the shower or something and couldn't get hard again so soon afterward? If he's in your age range or a similar one, he may be slowing down a bit in terms or libido and stamina - it happens. What time of night did this conversation take place?

If he *isn't* on a business trip but you two aren't sleeping in the same place, it sounds as though you don't live together. After four years of a committed relationship that seems a bit odd. Is there any plan to change things? Any talk of the future? In your shoes I would be worried NOT so much that he was with another woman but that I was being used for sex (and sexting) on tap, with no intentions of one day sharing a full life together instead of just meeting up periodically for outings and intimacy. If the current arrangement is one that makes both of you happy, then disregard this, but I have a feeling that on some level you *aren't* happy and at ease with things because you're here wondering about it. Maybe it's time to stop agonizing over each missed text or Snapchat and have the larger conversation with him about whether, after four years, it isn't time for those texts and Snapchats to be in-person hugs, kisses, and caresses. It appears that would lay many of your insecurities to rest. If he's resistant to the idea, there ought to be a compelling reason. (Note that I don't necessarily mean marriage unless both of you want that, but simply living together. It seems clear that neither of you is opposed to premarital sex, and sharing a household would not only elevate your communication from text and Snapchat tag to in-person interaction, it could also potentially save you money.) Right now you are conducting your relationship like a long-distance one, but apparently without the distance, and it doesn't surprise me that after four years you're having some difficulty with that.

Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2017):

N91 agony auntI have my snapchat notifications turned off so I don't see them pop up ever, meaning I don't reply to some people for days, possibly even weeks.

I really think you're worrying over nothing.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

Hi. It's the OP.

Thank you everyone for your answers. :)

Here is a follow up.

This is not the first time I have done this! Lol

I have sent him many racy pics and videos during the time we've been together. He is used to it. When he travels on business, I am always doing this. And we always have many video conversations, naughty and otherwise.

We were also having another sexting conversation earlier in the evening before I sent the video.

The other day he was on the train downtown and Snapchatted me and I pleasured myself on video for him and we had a naughty video exchange, mostly me, as he was in public. We are pretty open and adventurous sexually. I am not shy at all.

Just that when I did that, I was hoping he would be WOWED. But maybe after all this time, I don't pack that kind of a punch anymore. We've been together almost 4 years.

Also, I felt extra sensitive because when I tried to Snapchat him on Friday, he did not respond for hours. He told me it was cause he muted his notifications cause they were too loud. And forgot to revert back. Then the day before I felt like I was the one who had to really push to contact him. All morning there was no word from him. I contacted him several times and finally at almost 2 in the afternoon he replied. Then said he did not hear his phone. It was downstairs in his bag. So, these incidents all happening beforehand are making me feel bad. And worried. I guess he told me why but still, they both happened so close to each other. And now the video thing. I am deep down worried about a loss of interest on his part. And perhaps an interest in someone new. It is hard when you have been with someone a long time and you love them. You do all you can to keep them happy, sexually and otherwise, and you just would never want to lose them to another woman. So, that is the reason behind my question here. :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):


It sounds a little bit as if you think you have, or should have total control over his moods, reactions and feelings because you've got a female body that you know he likes.

As if you're the circus trainer and are dangling a titbit above an animal and expecting him to jump.

I'm sure he absolutely loved what you sent him, but he IS just a human being.

Which means maybe he wasn't in the mood (does happen for ALL kinds of reasons), tired, in pain, worried about work or money. You are not the only thing in his life, so if the timing of something like this is not right, he will not necessarily respond at the time you send it, in the way you want him to.

It sounds as if he responded very nicely, but as I say he is not a circus animal who must jump when you expect him to. Men love sex as we all know and get very turned on by seeing woman naked, but they are not machines. If he is not feeling well, or worried about something or just plain tired or just plain 'not in the mood' then the response you got is what you can expect from someone who still loves and fancies you and who appreciates what you did, but just can't respond RIGHT NOW. He may have just masturbated, men do do that on a pretty regular basis.

If I were you, next time, set the scene so you know that the timing is right. Tell him during the day perhaps, that you are thinking of sending him a snapchat video and that you'd like him to have the time to enjoy it with you. When should you send it? You can tease him with the thought of it and get him excited thinking about receiving it. That way, when he does receive it, you will get the fireworks you were expecting this time. You may have just caught him off guard and he wasn't sure what to say.

Loads of reasons why this didn't go according to YOUR plan, but the main reason is that timing is everything.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom +, writes (8 January 2017):

Phil052 agony auntIt's funny how different people read different things into his reaction. I felt his response was very positive and the reference to 'not being able to sleep' was alluding to something else! I wouldn't be concerned if I was you, unless there are other examples where you feel he is not responding to you in the right way.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (8 January 2017):

N91 agony auntI think you're blowing this way out of proportion.

As wiseowl said, I've been sent pictures and videos before off people i wouldn't expect to send that kind of stuff and it caught me off guard and I didn't really know how to respond.

Maybe he just wasn't fully in the mood. Id say he responded in a positive manner to be fair, who knows maybe he went offline to relieve hin self after what he just saw? None of us will know besides him, but I think the conclusions you're drawing from this such as he's cheating on you are ludicrous.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

He can't read your mind. He doesn't know exactly what kind of reaction you want from him. He reacted naturally as how ge was feeling at that moment.

I did something similar for my boyfriend years ago when we first dated. I wasn't expecting him to respond with sexting or anything like that. It was just a tease. His response was : "Are you out of your mind? What if someone online got a hold of this video?"

So don't assume he is not faithful to you or not interested in you just because he didn't respond the way you want him to.

Next time, try seducing him in person or over the phone.

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A female reader, Nittynora United Kingdom +, writes (8 January 2017):

Nittynora agony auntHe did compliment you, he called you "My beautiful" etc. The he said that he misses you. have you ever sent him a video like this before? There could be a million and one reasons.

He may not have had one sent to him before.

He may not agree with it, be shocked by it.

He could have fallen asleep

He could have lost his internet signal

He could have lost his mobile/cell signal

His mobile/cell could have run out.

He may have been interrupted, ( not necessarily by a rival)

You say he could have had sex with someone else, is there any possibility of that? and how strong Is that possibility?

If that possibility is strong I would not treat him to sexy videos he does not deserve.

this is the problem with texting sexting whatever its called people can misunderstand and misconstrue so much

I would ask him straight out what happened because only he can tell you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 January 2017):

Hey, something like that does come as a surprise; but I think timing is the key! It sounds like he gave you the appropriate response; but do you think he might have felt you might have gone a little further than he might have expected from you? Maybe he was just about to go to bed; and felt tired.

Who says that video won't come in handy at another time?

He may have been just a little shocked if you've never done such a thing before. That's neither good nor bad. Please don't take it upon yourself to try and assume what a man should think. You can't think like a man, because you're not.

Reactions, regardless of gender, often depends on mood, timing, and expectations.

Isn't the true question behind this post whether your boyfriend was turned-on by the video? If not, had he already pleasured himself?

Only he can answer those questions. It doesn't mean he cheated. Maybe he did handle things beforehand; how was he to know you'd be sending him a sexy video?

Sorry you didn't get the kind of reaction you wanted. Sometimes a good plan doesn't turn-out exactly as expected; but that doesn't mean the person the surprise was intended for is a jerk for not reacting as you had hoped.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (8 January 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntMaybe he wasn't in the mood, maybe he isn't into sexy videos, maybe it didn't turn him on, maybe he had a headache.

The person to have an honest conversation with is your boyfriend, we don't know what he was thinking, or what he felt, anything we say will be based on personal opinions and purely subjective. If you want answers ask your boyfriend the questions.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

LOl he logged out to go pleasure himself i'm sure.

He basically told you that with the "now I can't sleep" suggestion. I think it is very clear he appreciated it, but you can always ask him when you see him haha.

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